Jariana: Best mistake

ariana 12: one last time

he forgot that we'll be going back to the beach. why is he so hard? on me?

i wanted to message him. but then, my pride got into me. "if he really value me or our friendship, he'll remember that." i say to myself and threw my phone on bed.

i remembered, he went to nancy. he also got a hickey? this morning, i saw mine and it's bruising.

and then, i remembered that night. that very enchanting night.

i shook my head including my thoughts. "forget it." i muttered to myself. i need to prepare and go to the beach. if he doesn't remember, it's fine.

i went to my closet and got my sweater. i got my phone and went to mike for the car keys. i went straight to the parking area and got the car. then i drove to the beach. it would take me at least 50 minutes to get there. the beach is at the middle of leeds and manchester.

i turned on the radio and my song love me harder played. the memory of me and justin flashed in my head. the one at the roof.

we were just so carefree, i thought. carefree of whatever will happen to us that moment. the smile on my face faded as i thought about it. after last night, why can't we just pretend like it's nothing?

i wanted to blame justin for not bothering me but a lot of it was my fault too. when i'm in front of him, i couldn't speak. i can't even look him in the eyes. maybe, it's really like that.

the song ended followed by another song. one last time. whats with my songs today?

i sang along. what bad would it bring, right?

♪ i was a liar, i gave into the fire

i know i should've fought it

at least i'm being honest ♪

then it hit me like a big rock. why was i being so immature? as much as i wanted to blame the alcohol that i drank that night, i know that i was still the one controlling my feelings. my emotions. i wiped away the tears from my eyes. i can't see properly through this so i parked the car on the side.

then i cried and cried.

♪ feel like a failure, cos i know that i failed you

i should've done you better,

cause you don't want a liar ♪

i placed my palms on my face and stopped my tears from falling. but i can't. i can't stop crying. because i know that i failed. not only with sean but also with justin. from the very start, i should've stopped dreaming of him. i knew that it was not gonna bring anything good. but i still went for it. i wanted to be close to him. but not in that way. not like yesterday. that was... it was wrong. but i couldn't deny that it was more than that.

♪ so one last time, i need to be the one who takes you home

one more time, i promise after that i'll let you go ♪

was this a song for sean? the very beginning was sure for him. but the chorus, it felt like i was talking to justin. i was so confused and it sucked. i stopped the song and played a different one through my iPod. i looked through the highway and went back to the road. "non sense." i chuckled and sniffed. that was a mistake. but we can forget right? no one knows about what happened between me and justin so i don't have to worry.

finally, i have reached the beach. and there were a lot of people. good thing when we were here, we went to the non-populated area. it was a quick ride going here. maybe because the highway was clear. it wasn't really that crowded but there were people around. i got my sunglasses and my jacket. i went out and made sure that no one was looking. i inserted my keys in my pocket. i went near the shore. i removed my sandals and placed it in my jacket.