Dtf like caillou

Chapter 14

Broc•co•li /bräk(ə)lē/ noun : a cabbage of a variety similar to the cauliflower, bearing heads of green or purplish flower buds. It is a widely cultivated vegetable. Also can give you projectile diarrhea if eaten with coffee.

After waking up from my nap by the nearby cactus, which by the way was lactating some oozing liquid, I walked to my flat and walked up the stairs that led to my door. I walked inside and breathed in the Hydrochloric acid smell. I sat down on the floor and cried a leetle because I had really thought that I would hit it off with Caillou. I thought long and hard (like as long and hard as a broccoli) about how perfect me and him would have been together. Like we have the same personalities and like the same things. Like on his show he had a mom and dad, like I have a mom and dad too! I thought he was the one for the longest time. Now recalling everything that happened on my date with him I'm starting to think maybe we aren't suppose to be together. I begin to realize I need to take down my caillou shine and put it in my dishwasher because my dishwasher always catches on fire anyways so it might as well burn in there. I don't know what to think anymore. I realize all along maybe I was so infatuated and thought Caillou was my bald knight in shining armor, but now I realize he was Humpty Dumpty and I hella want to push him off a wall. I stay in my flat all day crying over how rude he was when I get an idea. I grab all my toilet paper in my house and even the ones that have a leetle kaka on it and put it in my duffle bag. I'm going to toilet paper that bitch's house. I found his address on one of those celebrity address trackers and begin to head down to the street. On the way down I step on a used condom. I get an idea. I pick it up and stuff it in my bag. I hail a taxi from heaven jk from da street. I get in and my taxi driver named Pablo drives me to his house. On my way there I tell Pablo why I'm going to TP Caillou's house and Pablo being the cool ass person he is decides to help me. We toilet paper Caillou's house and I put the used condom on his doorknob. A condom since he acted like a dick to me. As I ride back home I get a text message from Caillou.

Caillou: ARE U FKN 6.9 YRS OLD CUM CLEAN THIS SHIT UP.

Me: hell no it wasn't even me

Caillou: if you do not come rn my daddy (former cop) will come and beat ur ass so hard

Me: ok well no. Plus how do you even know it was me

Caillou: I know the poop smell from the toilet paper is from you. You have sharted in front of me 420 (blazin it) times

Me: LMAO. Yolo
He doesn't respond and I am so happy I got revenge on that fuckboy. I can't wait to tell Harry.