The Melody Of Love & Pain | Adonis Creed

84.

Adonis

I walked Y/N back to her hospital room after the hearing test they did on Amara and now we were just in the room silent. "Baby girl" I called out as she shook her head. "I'm good Adonis" she said. "But you're not okay" I simply said. "Adonis I just said I'm good" she shot back as I just looked away from her. "We just have to adapt to her being deaf and continue to love her that's it" she assured as there was a knock on the door as Y/N and I looked at it and we both was about to get up. "I got it, just rest" I assured her before I fully got up going to get the door. Once I got to the door I opened it seeing Rocky. "Hey" I said stepping out of the room and closing the door behind myself.

"Hey how'd everything go?" Rocky questioned. "The doctor said they're going to do more testing on her because it's early to tell" I started off " but they're saying she's deaf" I informed. "I'm sorry kid" Rocky apologized. "So Y/N's in there trying to process everything" I said looking back at the closed hospital door. "Can I ask you question" Rocky started off. "Yeah" I said. "Are you going to still love her" he started off. "With everything going on are you going to love her?" Rocky questioned as I looked at him crazy. "Yes, what kind of question is that?!" I questioned. "Yes I'm going to love her" I truthfully said. "Okay then that's all that matters" Rocky said as Mary-Anne came up to us.

"Hey baby, what did the doctor say?" She asked. "They're going to run more tests on Amara when it gets closer to her release date." I started off "but she can't hear as of right now." I informed as Mary-Anne nodded. "Well, I know you and Y/N will continue to love her" she expressed with a smile causing me to smile. "Yeah" I agreed. "So do you want to stay here with Y/N or do you want me to stay?" Mary-Anne questioned. "I'll stay. You know this is the most I've been around her in a while" I brought up. "Okay well let me go get you some clothes baddie visiting hours are done" Mary-Anne said as I handed her my apartment keys. "Come on Rocky" Mary-Anne added before beginning to walk away. "I'll see you later kid" Rocky assured me before we hugged and he went off with Rocky.

I walked back into the room to see Y/N just laying there on her phone. I closed to fit behind myself and spoke up "you want something to eat?" I asked as she shook her head continuing to read whatever was on her phone. "Y/N you ain't eat all day" I brought up. "Adonis I'm not hungry" she said looking away from her phone over at me. "Aight" I simply said with a little irritation in my voice looking away from her. "All I said was that I wasn't hungry, I didn't come at you with no attitude or even sounded irritated" Y/N expressed as I just shook my head. "Imma go order some for from the cafeteria, I'm hungry" I simply informed. "Okay Adonis" she said looking away from me clearly frustrated.

I walked out of the door going down to the cafeteria and immediately started being noticed by the people who were there. "Fuck" I thought to myself. I just wanted a BLT and now people are watching and recording me. I walked up to the counter and started ordering my food. Once I was finished I felt my phone vibrate as I noticed a woman named Bianca Taylor started to follow me on Instagram. I ignored it placing my phone back into my pocket and continued to wait for my food.

Y/N

I was researching things about premie pregnancies along with premie baby birth defects and things that could possibly affect a premature baby. All while doing this It made me realize I wasn't ready for a baby. Yes I love Amara to death and I always wanted to be a mother but it was too soon. I didn't even think about any of this going into being pregnant, I clearly didn't know how to stop stressing and it's like now my baby is deaf because of ME. I am the problem with why she's here too early on all these breathing tubes and it's really getting to me.

I had such a beautiful vision in my head about me being a wife to Adonis and a mother to our child and it's now it's all distorted. I love Adonis but maybe we rushed this, maybe I'm not a good mother or a good wife. This guilt that I've been feeling since Amara has been born is eating me alive. She was so innocent and I feel like I should've did a better job at protecting her and making sure she was okay now she could be in there fighting for her life because of my stress and the sadness I felt while being pregnant.

My OB/GYN walked into the room as I looked over at her. "Before you go to sleep I just wanted to ask how you were feeling and give you some information. "Is Amara okay?" I questioned. "No she's okay" she assured me as I instantly became laxed. "You are the one I'm also concerned about" she said as I just looked at her weird. "What's wrong with me?!" I questioned confused. "I wanted to talk to you about postpartum depression" she started off "I know you were very stressed out during your pregnancy and just in case you do go through that I want you to be informed." She assured with a small smile. "Okay" I answered sitting myself up some in my hospital bed.

I know how I've been feeling and maybe that's baby blues they were talking about on google. I don't know but I don't like the feeling I have at all. It's like I'm happy she's here but I feel worse than when I went into labor.

"Most new moms experience postpartum "baby blues" after childbirth, which commonly include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety and difficulty sleeping. Baby blues usually begin within the first 2 to 3 days after delivery and may last for up to two weeks." She started off as I nodded. Maybe this was what I had and it was just going to last for two weeks because I felt a mess.

"But some new moms experience a more severe, long-lasting form of depression known as postpartum depression. Sometimes it's called peripartum depression because it can start during pregnancy and continue after childbirth which is why I wanted to check in with how you are feeling so we can tackle it now" she explained as I just looked at her. "I promise postpartum depression doesn't make you weak and we're not going to send you off no where but I do need to know how you are feeling so I can give you the proper therapist and treatment to help" my doctor also added.

"I don't know when I first saw her I was excited" I started then shook my head feeling tears threatening to come out. "And now I just feel like a bad mother, she in the NICU because of me, I couldn't keep my stress down and now my baby can't hear" I cried as she handed me some tissue. "Y/N you're not the only woman who has had a premie baby and things has happened to them. You can't beat yourself up about it" my doctor assured me. "Yeah, but she wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for me" I cried. "Y/N it was just time for her to come this isn't your fault at all, she's receiving the best care and is very much okay" my doctor assured as I wiped my tears.

Adonis soon came through the door as I looked away from the doctor, out the window to hide I was crying. I hid it because I honestly didn't feel like being bothered. I love him but I needed my space.