Burnt Out

☆Him☆

Ray

The temporary relief that nicotine once provided was now a distant memory, and the clamor inside my head had returned, louder than ever.

I found myself seated in the cafeteria, at the same table I occupied every day, surrounded by the same familiar faces.

There was Jessica, a childhood friend whose bond with me had changed over time. She met new people and then suddenly discarded me, as if our years of frienship had never held any significance. Perhaps I was just too replaceable.

I took a moment to observe her as she chatted with the others. It brought back memories of our younger days when we could talk endlessly, always finding new topics to discuss. Our teachers used to reprimand us for our never-ending conversations, but we relished those moments.

Now, everything was different. A painful silence had settled between us. I had made efforts to salvage our friendship, but it had been a one-sided struggle. Eventually, I grew weary. I was tired of continually begging people to treat me right, tired of pleading for them to stay.

Mia and Bailey were inseparable. Always ready to whisper the juiciest and hottest bits of gossip to eachother. Ryder was a typical fuckboy. His only personality trait was playing football. Bailey and Ryder had an on and off relationship and it appeared that they were off again today, as they weren't sucking eachother's faces off and practically dry humping eachother.

Caleb, was relatively new to our group. He had a light-hearted personality that had the power to brighten anyone's day.

Then, there was him. Hayden. He and Caleb had previously attended the same school and had joined our school together. Despite being best friends, they were polar opposites. Caleb exuded cheerfulness and was often the life of the party, while Hayden remained a quiet, enigmatic figure with an aura of coldness about him. The most prominent emotion I'd ever witnessed from Hayden was anger. Sometimes it was directed at me. I frequently caught him glaring in my direction. To be honest, it was a refreshing change. I appreciated that he didn't force fake smiles or pretend to know me. However, at times, his piercing gaze unsettled me. It felt like he could see me, truly see me.

"Ray."

"Ray."

I snapped out of my trance, turning my head to identify the source of the voice, only to find Jake. He was the school's sweetheart, the star quarterback of the football team. Jake was known for his gentleness, kindness, and caring nature.

I stared at him, blinking slowly, hoping my detached demeanor would convey that I hadn't heard a word he'd said.

"Oh, um," he cleared his throat, a faint blush on his cheeks. "I was saying that I'm hosting a party at my place tonight. You should come."

I simply nodded, not in the mood for conversation. Turning away from Jake, I happened to catch Mia's envious gaze, her eyes fixed on us.

With a heavy sigh, I murmured, "I need some fresh air."

Without waiting for a reply, I pushed my chair back, rose from the table, and exited the cafeteria, making my way to the back of the school. It wasn't as if they would care anyway. In fact, I was fairly certain Jessica would be glad that I was gone, no longer needing to avoid my gaze. Mia and Bailey would likely revel in my distance from Jake and Ryder. Ryder might be mildly disappointed that there was no one to 'acidentally' grope. As for Hayden, I doubted anyone's presence or absence made much of a difference to him.

Usually, the back of the school served as a spot for those seeking a place to smoke, indulge in drugs, or skip classes. Right now, I knew it would be empty, a quiet corner where I could retreat to gather my thoughts.

Sitting on the ground, I leaned against the wall, the weight of the day pressing down on me. All I wanted was to head home and lose myself in sleep, a sanctuary from the cacophony of my daily life. Yet, I couldn't do that, not when I lacked a car. Scar or Seren were typically the ones to drop me off at school, while Jake and Ryder always seemed eager to offer me a ride back home.

Besides, if my parents were home and discovered that I'd bunked school, they'd be livid. Their anger would know no bounds, and they might even confiscate my phone and laptop as if such punishments would matter. It was perplexing, considering they couln't give two fucks about me. In their eyes, I was little more than a disappointment, a target for their frustration, an easy outlet for their anger.

I could have asked Scar or Seren for a ride, but I knew they already had their hands full. They'd grow concerned if I left school early, and I didn't want them to worry about me.

Desiring a moment of solace, I retrieved a pack of cigarettes from my bag. Lighting one, I took a deep drag. Then, out of nowhere, thoughts of Hayden emerged in my mind, a sudden and startling intrusion. I shook my head vigorously, as if to dispel his presence. Bringing the cigarette closer to my free hand, I stared at it with unwavering focus. It hovered perilously close to my skin. If I inched it just a bit nearer, it would...

My hand jerked back abruptly as someone approached me. When I looked up, I saw that it was Caleb. Confusion furrowed my eyebrows as I wondered why he was here. Caleb wasn't a smoker, nor did he do drugs, and there weren't any classes at the moment that he'd want to skip.

He settled down on the ground beside me, maintaining a respectable distance, a deviation from the norm. Typically, guys would cling to me, often 'accidentally' brushing against me while crafting flimsy excuses such as "Oh sorry my hand slipped".

My curiosity grew about his unexpected presence. Yes, we'd exchanged a few words before, but we weren't exactly friends who hung out with each other regularly.

Caleb smiled mischievously as he leaned in. "You know, Hayden wanted to come out here and check up on you."

My response was a bewildered, "What?" I half-suspected I'd misunderstood his words.

Caleb chuckled, "But he was too shy to actually approach you."

I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief. "I'm convinced we're not talking about the same Hayden."

His laughter rang out, leaving me to wonder if I'd missed some joke. My gaze drifted to his perfectly neat set of cornrows.

"I like your hair," I offered, mustering up a small smile.

He ran a hand over his braids, his smile widening. It was clear that my compliment wasn't the only reason he was smiling so hard.

"Thank you! My girlfriend did them for me."

Surprised, I blurted, "You have a girlfriend?"

Caleb gave me a strange look before responding, "Yeah, I do. I'm surprised you didn't know about her. I talk about her all the time. She goes to a different school, though."

In hindsight, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I was unaware, given how little I paid attention to their conversations. Yet, the revelation left me startled. It seemed I'd grown even more absent-minded than I'd thought.

A silence settled between us before he broke it, "He noticed you long before you even acknowledged his presence."

Before I could inquire about what he meant by his statement, the school bell rang, interrupting our conversation. Caleb promptly got up, offering a quick thumbs-up before walking away and leaving me more perplexed than before.