Burnt Out

☆Truth☆

Ray

The moment we reached my house,  Hayden told me to go take a warm shower so that I wouldn't catch a cold. Once I was done, he insisted on drying my hair for me. I sat on my bed as he took a towel and began to carefully dry my hair.

No guy had ever done this for me before. The simple, tender gesture made my heart ache with a mix of gratitude and fear.

"Ray..." Hayden trailed off, his voice hesitant.

I held my breath. There was something off in his tone.

"What's going on between you and Jake?"

My heart dropped. It felt like a huge ball was lodged in my throat.

"Nothing," I said nonchalantly, trying to deflect.

Hayden stopped drying my hair and moved in front of me, kneeling down so our eyes were level.

"Ray, if he's bothering you or not taking no for an answer, you need to tell me. I can help you," he said, his voice desperate.

"Drop it, Hayden, it's nothing," I said, standing up from the bed and trying to walk away but Hayden grabbed my hand, stopping me.

"You can tell me..."

I could see his mouth moving, but I couldn't hear him. Everything was a blur. The room spun, and I felt like my legs would give out at any moment.

"Jake tried to rape me!" I shouted, the words tearing out of me like shards of glass.

The silence that followed was deafening. Hayden's eyes widened in shock, then darkened with fury and sorrow. He pulled me into his arms, holding me so tightly I could feel his heart pounding against mine.

For a moment, I allowed myself to collapse into him, to let the weight of my confession sink into the safety of his embrace. His warmth enveloped me, contrasting sharply with the cold dread that had been gnawing at my insides.

I felt conflicted. A part of me was relieved that someone else knew my secret and that I didn't have to carry the burden of it alone, but another part of me felt sick to my stomach that someone else knew.

Suddenly, Hayden pulled away from me. A strangled sound escaped my mouth. I'm sure I sounded like a dying animal, but Hayden didn't seem to hear it. Tears blurred my vision as he paced around my room, lost in his own world.

"How the fuck did I not notice?" he muttered, talking to himself. He was beating himself up for not realizing sooner. I didn't want him to feel bad.

I walked towards him, my steps tentative.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," he whispered. His voice was so quiet that I barely heard it, yet I didn't miss the lethality in his tone. That wasn't a threat—that was a promise.

His fists clenched at his sides, knuckles white with tension. The intensity of his anger was palpable, radiating off him in waves. I could see the muscles in his jaw tighten as he ground his teeth, his eyes dark and stormy.

"Hayden," I whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. 

He stopped pacing and turned to face me, his expression softening slightly as he looked into my eyes. The fury in his gaze was still there, but it was tempered by a deep, abiding concern for me.

"I'm sorry, Ray," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "I'm so sorry I didn't see it. I should have protected you."

"It's not your fault," I replied, my voice trembling. "You couldn't have known."

He pulled me into his arms again, holding me tightly. I buried my face in his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart against my cheek. The warmth of his embrace was a stark contrast to the cold dread that had been gnawing at me.

For a moment, we just stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, finding solace in the connection we shared. The weight of my confession hung heavy in the air, but so did the promise of his unwavering support.

"He's not going to get away with this," Hayden murmured into my hair.

He already did, I wanted to say, but I didn't have the energy to speak.

He gently lifted me and laid me down on the bed before climbing in behind me. He held me tightly in his arms, as if he feared I would disappear if he let go. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and allowed myself to fall into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, Hayden was no longer beside me. I found a note on my bedside table.

I'm going home to take a shower and get dressed for school.

I'll come pick you up.

– Hayden

I looked at the note emotionlessly.

I felt disconnected, as if a switch had been flipped off inside my brain. I felt like I was already dead.

I texted Hayden, telling him not to pick me up, before I got out of bed and almost robotically got ready.

I got in my car and drove to school. I was barely aware of what I was doing. It felt as though I had come out of my body and was looking at myself from a third-person point of view.

The moment I got to school, Hayden walked up to me. I immediately shut him down with some lousy excuse. I don't know why. I just couldn't face him. For the rest of the day, I managed to avoid him until I decided that I couldn't anymore. So I decided to leave school and go somewhere where I wouldn't have to see him.

After a while, I found myself outside Zeek's house. I don't know why I'm here. It's just the first place I thought of because I know that he has what I need. I had been to his house a few times before when he threw his extravagant parties.

He didn't come to school today, but I wasn't even sure if he would be at home.

Oh well.

I rang the bell. Once, twice, but no one answered. Just as I was about to leave, the door opened and I was met with the sight of a shirtless Zeek.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Rude much?" I laughed, pushing past him and entering his house.

I don't know why, but it was easy to laugh around him. Perhaps it was because he seemed to be as fucked up as me or maybe it was because he didn't care that I was fucked up and wasn't trying to constantly fix or change me.

"I didn't say you could come in."

"Come on, we're friends, aren't we?"

"No," he deadpanned.

I ignored him and sat on the couch as he grudgingly followed, sitting beside me.

He opened an elegant china cigarette box on the coffee table and took out a joint. He lit it, took a drag, and then offered it to me. Of course, I took it and inhaled deeply. I could feel myself relaxing as soon as the toxic chemicals entered my lungs.

Then Zeek's phone started ringing, so he excused himself to take the call.

While he was gone, I snooped around some drawers and found a bottle of pills. I glanced behind me to see if Zeek was coming, but there was no sign of him, so I unscrewed the bottle and took about five pills before placing them in my mouth.

I went back to the couch, the pills already starting to take effect. Everything was spinning, my head felt heavy, and I could barely keep my eyes open.

"Princess?" I heard a distant voice.

"Shit, Ray?" My jaw was grabbed, and I could see a blurry Zeek in front of me.

"Fuck, how many pills did you take?" he asked, grabbing the bottle of pills with his free hand.

"We're not friends, so why do you care?"

"We are friends, Ray."

That's the last thing I heard before everything went black.