Never In Your Favour

Convincing the Victor

A dreadful dense cloud of dark grey smoke filled the air and seeped into our lungs: I felt like I was going to pass out as we left my room and entered the hallway. I pulled my sleeve up to cover my face, coughing into it in an effort to expel the soot, and we dashed along the landing. Turning back, I could see the roaring flame behind us, emanating from Arabelle's room. I could see the little girl at the bottom of the great stairwell, and my worries eased a little as I knew she was safe. My parents were ushering her out of the house, kicking and screaming, but the reason for her protest did not become apparent until it was too late. As Finnick dragged me down the stairs, I blinked tears away from my eyes, caused by both the smog and the thought of all my possessions, burnt away in an instant. I began to lag behind as the grey smoke filled my lungs, but he picked me up like I was a feather, and sprinted out of the house as fast as he could.

We stood in a huddle, like fish exiled from a decaying coral reef, as we watched our home burn to the ground. I could only imagine what Finnick must have done to provoke such a reaction from Snow. I was sure we were all meant to die.
'Shit. No this can't- fuck'
The exclamation snapped me out of my desolation. I turned to see Finnick crouched down in front of Arabelle, who was still crying.
'What's happened? What's going on?' I asked, running to join the pair.
'It's mother.' Finnick replied, turning to me. 'Apparently she ran into Arabelle's room- didn't realise she was already out here. Annie, you make sure Belle doesn't move a muscle.'
'What?-' I didn't even have time to properly reply, as he set off at full speed back to the house, and ran in through the front door.
'FINNICK!' I screamed after him, moving to follow him into the fire, but being sharply pulled back by my father.
'Annie you can't keep following him. Right now you need to take charge. We have to keep Belle here, ok?'
I nodded, still crying and bitter.
A minute passed.
2.
5.
He came out, coughing, spluttering, horrible burns on his palms and lower arms, as he clutched the body of his mother, limp and burnt, but still showing signs of life. He tossed her onto the soft grass and collapsed in a heap himself. In an instant, Belle was at her mother's side, clasping her hands in her own, and murmuring that she needed to stay with her. It broke me to see how she clung to the hope of her survival, when even Finnick, looking over with tears streaming down his face, knew that he had just brought his mother outside so she could die with her loved ones, under the stars.

~~

The funeral was a few days later, and her body was sent out to sea, to be 'reunited' with her husband. I stood next to Finnick, who looked at the boat being pushed out with utter numbness and resignation. All we could return to was the charred remains of the old house (the replacement was still under construction). We began to sift through the remains, seeing if anything could be salvaged. That was when I saw it:
A small, metal box lay cushioned in the ashes of what would have been my room. I opened it up, and realised it was the container I had kept under my floorboards, carrying the letters Finnick had sent me from the Capitol, and the Thalassa gems he had given me all those years ago. As I ran over to embrace him, I half expected him to push me away, but he held me tight and spoke:
'It's all my fault, Annie. On television I- I cut off Gilda without permission. I shouted that I didn't want to spend another day with a Capitol citizen, and then I left. I know Snow thinks that you are behind this. We have to talk properly about this later, but I can't keep putting you at risk.'
He waited until we were safely back at his childhood home that evening (my parents and Belle were at my old home) and he took my hand in his.
'Annie, I'm so, so sorry- you have no idea - but I can't keep doing this.'
'Finnick you keep switching back and forth.' I said, looking up at him. 'I know you think this is for my own good, but I'm old enough to decide which risks I want to take.'
'I know... but you could die!'
'Finnick, a few years with you is worth a hundred of us not being together. Let me make this decision.'
'Don't you get it Annie?' He said, taking his hand away and standing up, beginning to pace. 'It's not just that. I can't stand it with those Capitol fuckwits. You have no idea how difficult it is to fuck someone knowing you'd rather it was someone else. There were so many times I thought I'd hear of your death, after nearly calling your name out while I was... well, you know what I mean.'
I have to admit, that caught me way off guard. Of course, the idea of sleeping with Finnick had crossed my mind since the incident before he went to the Capitol for the first time after turning sixteen, but I didn't think he thought of me in that way. To be honest, I imagined the thought of sex would be too painful for him, after what Snow put him through in the Capitol.
'You... think about me?' I asked.
He came to sit by me again, and kissed me on the cheek.
'Of course I do, Annie. You're my world. And that's why I can't be your lover, or boyfriend, or whatever you'd want to call it. It's easier if we stop it now.'
'No.' I protested, tears springing from my eyes. 'I need you. I love you!'
'And I love you. But that's why this can't happen.' He said, brushing a hair away from my face, before getting up, and leaving - leaving me alone with the draft cold air pushing in at me through the door.

~~

Every day I begged him, shamelessly to reconsider. I promised we could keep it a secret. I broke all of my dignity, crumpling into a heap at his feet on multiple occasions, and bursting into tears. I felt a genuine depression take hold of me, and began to feel like my life was falling apart. It was about five months later, and the next reaping was in a few days - once again falling on July 4th, and our house had been resurrected. I sat on my patio in the sunlight, staring at the sea, and didn't even notice that Belle had come to join me.
'I don't like it, what he's doing.' She said. 'He clearly loves you, and you clearly love him. This shouldn't be something he just gets to decide himself.'
'Thankyou!!' I replied. 'Finally someone else who sees the sense in what I'm doing!'
She paused for a moment.
'I don't like what you're doing either. You're being too self deprecating. You need to show him that you're strong enough to get through anything the world throws at you, and grovelling at his feet is not the way to do that. You know the night my mother died?'
I nodded, solemnly.
'Well your father, stood in front of you, and told you to take charge. To do the right thing. So do it, and do it for yourself, not just Finnick. Sometimes he needs to know that he doesn't know what's best for everyone else.'
I sat there, a little shocked at what I was hearing from a thirteen year old, but impressed nevertheless.
'You're right Belle, of course you are.'
'I know.' She smiled. 'Well go on then... he's in his room.'
This time, I didn't run to him. I walked, calmly, thinking over exactly what I was going to say to him. I knocked three times on his door, and waited until he told me I could come in.
'Finnick, I've come to tell you something.'
He gestured for me to sit on the end of his bed.
'I can be independent. I don't need you telling me what I can and can't do with my life. If this was simply a matter of you not feeling the same way about me, I would let it go, but that's not the case. If you truly wanted to end things, you would have pretended not to care for me, yet it's always been 'I love you but this can't work'. Well let me tell you something. I love you, and this will work, because you did not survive the hunger games, and go through all that torture in the Capitol, just to come back here and rebuke the one woman you truly want a relationship with - don't argue I know it's true. So you can either man up to your feelings, and we can do this properly, or this is the last interaction we have.'
He looked at me, dumbstruck, and I couldn't help but smile a little at how confident I had been.
'Annie I...'
Without missing a beat, in a last effort I came face to face with him, and brought his lips to mine in a passionate kiss, running my fingers through his hair, and sliding my tongue into his mouth. I knew it was going well, as he began to kiss me back.
When I finally broke the kiss, I stood up, with my arms folded.
'Well? What do you want?' I asked.
This time, he didn't wait for a second, before grabbing my arm, laughing, and pulling me back onto the bed, and kissing me again.
'I want you, my Annie.'