Revon: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Elius: I think you mean cards.
Calvus: They did not.
Revon, pulling out knives: I did not.
Argos: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Carina will and will not eat.
Calvus: Grass? Yes!
Argos: Moss? Yes!!
Calvus: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Argos: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Calvus: Worms? Sometimes!
Argos: Rocks? Usually nah.
Calvus: Twigs? Usually!
Argos: Revon's cooking? Inconclusive!
Elius: How did you... test this?
Argos: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Elius: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Revon: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
Revon: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water??
Argos: Y- you were putting it in cold water??
Calvus: Revon. Answer the question, Revon.
Revon: Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason.
Revon: Plus you think I have the patience to boil water?
Argos: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes??
Calvus: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it?
Argos: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?
Calvus: It takes less than a minute.
Argos: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun???
Calvus: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove?
Argos: Like seven minutes??
Elius: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes... less than that if you use a saucepan!
Calvus: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Elius? Your stove is enchanted!
Revon: Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.
Carina: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?!
Elius: Calvus is late again.
Argos: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Revon: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Carina: I set their clock to say PM when it's really AM.
Elius: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Calvus bursts through the door*
Calvus: WHAT TIME IS IT?
Carina: Hey, how did my phone break?
Revon: You were drunk yesterday.
Carina: And?
Elius: You threw it.
Carina: Why?
Argos: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming "FLY DAMN YOU!"
Carina: And why didn't you stop me?!
Calvus: We were busy laughing our asses off.
*Everyone is giving advice to Revon*
Elius: It's okay to ask for help.
Argos: You're not a burden.
Carina: Murder is okay.
Calvus: Your feelings matter.
Revon: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?
Carina: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.
Elius: Three of us saw it, Carina. How do you explain that?
Carina: *points at Calvus* Sleep deprivation. *points at Elius* Paranoia. *points at Argos* Delusional personality disorder.
Calvus: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Revon: Several traffic violations.
Argos: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Carina: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Elius: Also, that's not our car.
Revon: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....
Argos: ....
Elius: .....
Calvus: ......
Carina: ..Who?
Revon: That's the thing we don't-
*Everyone stares at Carina*
Calvus: How do you connect with a fictional character?
Elius: What?
Revon: What?
Argos: What?
Carina: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.
Calvus: Good morning.
Revon: Good morning.
Elius: Good morning.
Argos: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Carina: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
Elius: What makes you all smile?
Revon: Friends and Family.
Argos: Snacks.
Calvus: Victory and success.
Carina: Face muscles.
Carina: How would you like your pancakes?
Elius: Plain.
Revon: With sprinkles!
Calvus: Chocolate chips.
Argos: Potatoes.
*Elius, Revon, and Calvus look at Argos*
Argos: What? They're good.
Calvus: Did you bring Argos?
Revon, gesturing to Elius: No, but I brought the next best thing.
Calvus: Elius? The next best thing would be Carina.
Elius: I would be offended, but Carina is freakishly strong.
Elius: Argos is okay.
Carina: They're okay? They said they were going to break my legs! And don't tell me they didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause they gave me the mackerel eyes, they meant it!
Elius: Carina, Argos threatened me. They threaten Calvus every day. They probably threatened Revon before breakfast this morning. It's what they do. Grow a pair.
Elius: What does "take out" mean?
Revon: Food.
Argos: Dating.
Carina: Murder.
Calvus: It can be all three if you're brave enough.
Argos: What's something you guys are better than Carina at?
Revon: Mario Kart.
Elius: Yeah, video games.
Calvus: Emotional vulnerability.
*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*
Revon: Would never stab anyone.
Argos: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Carina: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.
Calvus: Would stab without warning.
Elius: Would stab as a warning.
Revon: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?
Argos: Why?
Revon: Elius fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
Carina: Calvus doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
Revon: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?
Argos: IT.
Elius: Annabelle.
Calvus: Paranormal Activity.
Carina: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.
Argos: Alright Elius, Carina. Let's go over this one more time.
Argos: If something breaks?
Elius: We try to fix it before Calvus gets home.
Argos: If it doesn't work?
Carina: We blame Revon.
Revon: Seriously guys, what the hell?!
Calvus: You three, explain right now!
Argos: It was Revon.
Elius: It was Revon.
Carina: It was Revon.
Revon:
Revon: ...fuck.
*In a group chat*
Revon: A pegan just flew into my window.
Elius: Pegan?
Argos: A what?
Calvus: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan.
Carina: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO!
Calvus: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window.
Carina: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window.
Revon: I literally just made a typo-
