A Fresh Start (Book 6 Arrow/SPN Series)

What's The Worst That Could Happen

I didn't even bother using hot water.  The sides of the shower stall were rather icy after the first five minutes. I'd thought a lot about her since that last night, but more in the "those were great memories" way, definitely not in the "I'd be working with her again way". Especially on a job like this. The higher the stakes on a job the more your brain goes into last night on earth mode whether you want it to or not. Usually I'm just with Sam so sex isn't on my mind, but being with her was going to bring all that up. When my teeth started chattering I figured it was time to get out. I'd set the pouch on the sink, I could just sneak it back into her bags. I wouldn't be able to use it anymore now that I knew what it was doing to her. Getting rid of the Mark didn't get rid of the nightmares. They weren't as bad but they were still there. I'd just finished getting my pants on when there was a knock at the door. I made sure to get my shirt on before I opened it, no reason to set up another awkward staring moment. I checked the peephole and saw her hair was down, I always did love it that way.

I took a deep breath, focused on undead Indians trying to scalp me and opened the door, "Hey."

"Hi." She walked into the room with a small smile on her face, "Oh and if that pouch ends up back in my bags I'll just stick it right back into yours. Use it when you need to, I can block most of your worst nightmares out now. It kind of helped me work harder on learning some skills I needed to anyway."

Crap. "Cougar said it was so bad you couldn't eat, were scared to sleep. You think I'll still use it after finding that out?"

"I think that if I wanted you to stop using it I would have called you." Her jaw tightened and she looked at the map on the wall, "You weren't being selfish or a coward. He should have kept his nose out of it."

"You've been friends forever, I'd of done the same thing if I was in his shoes. Take it. Please."

"No." I could have sworn there were tears in her eyes but she turned completely away from me.

"Look, I already hurt you when I left. I know that. I don't want to keep doing it."

"Then keep the damn pouch!"

I'll admit to being pretty hard headed over the years, disregarding a lot of things people were trying to tell me because I thought I knew better. Sam and I stayed up late for a whole week up at Oliver's place going over that. It wasn't that I didn't know that what I was doing would end up backfiring at some point, hurt them or piss them off. It was usually because I was trying too hard to keep people alive so was in some version of panic or another. How she sounded right then, how she was avoiding looking at me; I got the inkling that me keeping the pouch wasn't just about her accepting a burden or her worrying about me being alone. I also knew that now was not the time to push her about it, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't try one more time.

"Fine, I'll keep it on one condition."

"What?"

"That after we kill this bitch you do something to it so it doesn't link back to you."

"No. If I do that it won't work as well."

I figured as much. Once Cougar had told me what was going on I knew she had to be giving me her strength to make it through. "Okay, then tell me why you want me to keep it."

She froze, "Drop it."

Did I mention she's a stubborn as I am?

"I'm in no mood to have this conversation," she continued in a voice that made the shower I'd just taken seem hot, "If you want to use it fine, if not, fine. My reasons are my own. Neither you or Cougar have any goddamn right to know them. Are we clear?"