A Fresh Start (Book 6 Arrow/SPN Series)

Life With No Road Map

"Dude, it's not like I asked her marry me or anything," I pointed out, even though it had felt pretty good to say I loved her.

"Baby steps. Although for you that's pretty much the same thing."

"Whoa, slow down. Don't go remodeling my room or anything just yet, okay?"

He laughed and let me go.

"Is she okay?" Roy asked.

Poor guy looked completely wrecked. The fact that he'd held it together this long was pretty impressive actually. "Yeah, I think so. How're you holding up?"

He leaned against the wall, pretty much shell shocked, "I don't really know."

"Uh huh, come on. We need food and drinks."

"Maybe I should just stay here, not sure how functional I am."

"I'm driving, you don't have to do anything but sit there."

He didn't move.

"Roy, go. That's Dean's way of saying let's talk. For some reason those two words always seem too hard for him to say."

"Thanks for the translation Sammy."

Roy managed to grin at that for half a second, then pushed up off the wall and got moving in the general direction of the door. Once we got settled in and headed down the road I tried to get him started on processing the last few hours. "So, a bit different than taking down criminals huh?"

"I keep wondering if you guys drugged me somehow and this was all just a hallucination."

"Ah the first stage, looking for alternative explanations. Always a fun one."

"Those animals, or spirits or whatever. They were connected to people, to you. I killed people today Dean. I know they were bad people, I know they would have killed you or me if they had the chance and it was the right thing to do but still."

"Yeah I know."

"I thought this would be different somehow, not easier but less confusing. Easier to know the answers in the moment you know?'

"I warned you. I mean, sure you jumped into the super deep part of the ocean here but fact is killing monsters or people is still killing. It's just easier to justify it when they have mouths filled with fangs and are trying to rip your throat out. It still eats at you though."

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. I took a quick look at him, he seemed so young. When I was his age I'd already kissed a crossroads demon and made my deal, I don't ever remember feeling as young as he looked right then. Course I never got a chance to be.

"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this, helping Oliver. I don't think I have what it takes."

"Why?"

"Because all I could think of when we were out there was that those people had a point to be pissed. I know my history, I know what happened to the Native Americans. Sometimes I feel like I care too much about the people we catch, I could have ended up like them. How do you fight something that you can empathize with? I mean, you don't empathize with monsters. Do you? Oliver and Dig always seem so on target, determined, like you and Sam did today."

"You saw my Warrior Spirit right?"

"Yes."

"Trust me Roy, I know what a monster feels like and how easy it is to get there. So does Sam. I told you before, we've let some monsters walk. The only thing that divides a monster from a human isn't what they hunger for, vegetarians probably think I'm a monster because of the amount of burgers I eat. I've probably killed a whole farm's worth of cows over the years. What divides the two is how they act and honestly empathy is something monsters don't have, so if you have it it's a good sign. You've had chances to walk away from this life, you haven't. You've got what it takes. You've got the skills, you're just as good as Oliver is in a fight. You saved Sam's life, saved my life, saved all of us today. You think fast, you move faster and you have the will to do it. You don't need Oliver, hell you really don't need Sam and I. I'll let you in on something. Oliver and I, you're way ahead of us in some ways."