The Gaps Between Us - La Croix Series 1

Chapter 13

Warning: Mention of Word Rape and Suicide.

Someone pulled me before Duke's Mother could see me. I'm so tired that I can't even pull my hand. I'm trembling a lot. Any moment I might pass out. Pinasok nya ako sa hula ko ay cr at nilock iyon.

He violently released my arm.

"Don't ever come near my Mother." I looked up abruptly as soon as I recognized the voice. The sharp gaze of Milton came into sight.

"Hindi naman ako nagpakita." I said in a low tone while my eyes still glued on the floor. I don't want to see his eyes filled with coldness. Parang mata kasi ni Duke ang nakikita ko.

"I told you to stay away!" He said angrily which made me flinch. "You will just ignite the pain that my mother buried because of what your mother did to us...... Do you have amnesia?.. I'll help you remember." My tears fell painfully. I cover my mouth to stop it from creating noise. 

"You.. are.. the.. daughter.. of ..my.. Father's... Mistress." Binigkas nya lahat ng letra na may diin. Na parang pinamumukha sa akin ang lahat. Hinayaan kong umagos ang luha sa mata ko at hindi na nagsalita pa. Dahil lahat ng sinabi nya ay tama.

I am the daughter of his Father's Mistress. Parang echo iyon na paulit ulit sa utak ko.

"My mother is still in the process of recovering. If she finds out about you and Duke. It will only cause her so much pain." I can feel how angry he is. His voice is cracking and trembling.

"I can't stop him from coming to you..  You can still stop this... " Nakakuyom ang dalawang kamay nya ng sobrang higpit. I bravely raised my head at him. The hatred is visible but I can't blame him. Nasaktan sila ng pamilya nila dahil kay Mama.

Noon hindi ko maintindihan si Mama. Dahil sa pag-ibig, na kaya nyang hamakin ang lahat kahit may masaktan sya. Dahil sa pag-ibig, na kaya nyang manira ng pamilya at kitilin ang sariling buhay.

 Is love that great?

Pero ng ako na ang nakaramdam... ito pala ang pagmamahal? Bakit ang hirap.... Bakit ang sakit sakit. Ganito pala, Mama...  Nakakamatay nga..

Gusto ko lang mag-aral, makatapos at makaahon sa hirap. Ayaw kong gumaya kay Mama. Pero bakit ganito? I tried to stop because it's wrong. Lahat ng nararanasan kong hirap mula pa noon... Dahil sa pagiging kabit ng Nanay ko.. Kahit anong gawin ko nakadugtong na sya sa buhay ko. 

Anak ako ng kabit at hindi na kailanman mababago 'yon. 

I raised my head and looked deeply into Milton's eyes.

"I l-love him." my voice cracked. With my shaking hands I wiped my tears. Nang una hindi pa ako sigurado sa nararamdaman ko. Dahil parang napakadali. 

"If you love someone... Can you control your feelings?" pagpapatuloy ko. I looked at him directly in his eyes. I want him to feel that my feelings for Duke are real. 

He just looked at me silently, taken aback by my statement. He inhaled sharply.

 "Love?" he smirked painfully. "I don't believe in that shit anymore. Because of that fucking love. My Mother has lived in the mental hospital for 7 years... That same love you're talking about ruins my family.. Love is a sickness.. Sa una lang masaya.. Eventually, it will ruin you.. Some people survive, some people don't... If you have any amount of decency in your body. You will stay away," he said harshly before storming out. Umupo ako at yinakap ang dalawang tuhod at umiyak ng umiyak.

When will this pain end?

Hindi na ako pumunta kay Duke dumiretso na ako ng uwi. I cannot face him right now. I felt guilty for what my Mother did to their family. Duke's Mother went to mental hospital! Mas grabe pa iyon kesa sa nararanasan ko. How can I still face Duke? Pagod kong binuksan ang pinto.