this is 'me'

brown - 1

something new which ive recently realised is that staying happy for a continued period of time is challenging. there is always someone who will come into your life and gladly fuck it all up for you, and then leave like nothing happened. 

theres this girl in my class i started talking to this year, in july maybe. the reason i approached her again after like 3-4 years is because i really liked the way she looked. the last time i had talked to her was when i was ten. i vividly remember her, nagging me all the goddamn time and me trying to stay away from her because she irritated me so much. 

there was this assembly we had at school. she came dressed up as a boy, with grey pants, a yellow checked shirt. that outfit perfectly complimented her boy-cut. i fell in love, to say the least lmao. why the fuck did i have to fall in love with the most ethereal face i had ever seen? 

i remember shyly going up to her when she was alone, tapping her back because i dont know why saying her name seemed too nerve wracking at that moment. she turned around to face me, i almost fainted. my heart still beats loud against my chest as im typing this. the thought of her affects me too much. 

"haan?"

"tum bohot achi lag rahi ho inn kapdon mei-" 

i fucking bolted after saying that to her. i briskly walked in the opposite direction, trying to calm myself down. i didnt even say she looked like a sixty course meal, i just told her that she looked good. but i felt like i had just said "i love you" to her. 

i convinced myself that she hadn't heard what i said. as i was about to go sit down on my seat, this time i felt a tap on my shoulders. 

"thank you"

"EHECRYVSYWBYILTENWYIITHUDHITIURHGKJBFDKJBREKHTEKJGNSIURGBKJREHGREJHTUERJGNHI5THGNEKJRTHFKWETHIWNG4T5GTI47" - thats what i wanted to say.

but i just smiled.