Finding Nolan

thirteen.

THIRTEEN: KIANNA

After settling in the house, Heidi comes into my room to tell me that the boys didn't know about my family's money. I know it wasn't a big deal, but I was happy to know that. I always had a hard time knowing who my real friends were, but it seemed as if it was only in Iselin. Everyone in my high school was just as wealthy, so "friends for money" was never a problem there.

Growing up, I always felt alone because my parents were always on cases and maintaining family law firms across the country. In other words, they were never there for me. They made the decision when I was five years old to move me to Iselin, but only because my grandparents pestered them about taking better care of me. I was supposed to move back with them after fifth grade and before middle school started, but I didn't want to leave. They gave me one last year, only because I begged so much. They wanted me in a high-end private school in California so I could be set and accepted to fancy colleges, like Stanford.

I loved Iselin, I loved my grandparents, and I loved Heidi, so I insisted on visiting every summer. It was the least my parents could do, taking me away from them. Now, they don't really care what I do, as long as my grades are up and I graduate. Visiting Iselin became a tradition and way too often, I would bump into an idiot that would befriend me only because they knew I had money. Luckily, I became immune to morons like that after I met a guy who claimed he liked me since forever ago just to drive my car.

Yes, welcome to the life of high school Kianna Carson.

Sometimes I feel as if money has done nothing to me but ruin my life. I mean sure, it's nice to have it, but nothing hurts more than not knowing that my hard work is basically worthless because money can do everything I can. I heard "working" is a fulfilling feeling and I truly believe a girl like me shouldn't have as much money as I do. Of course, I feel blessed. I wouldn't get to do as much things as I wanted to without it, but everybody has their problems. I'm just saying I would be okay with a middle class life in the suburbs with average friends. They're much better than the snooty Californians I'm forced to deal with back at home. I am thankful for the life I was given to, but I guess I just wonder who'd stick around if I didn't have money.

Since we arrived at Wildwood in the early evening, we couldn't really do much. We went to the beach for a little bit, but nobody actually went in the ocean. We all agreed that we'd go tomorrow to really soak in the sun instead. We had dinner at around 8:30, eating the feast that the chef Grandpa hired prepared.

In case anyone got hungry, Chef T, which we still don't know what the "T" was short for, made more food for us. It wasn't really a problem, considering Grandpa made sure that all the cupboards and cabinets were filled with snacks, not to mention all the sodas and drinks in the refrigerator.

After eating, we all finished settling in and just parted ways for the night. I went back to my room and it had me thinking that it really has been a while since I've been in this house. Heidi and I went early June last year too, but we literally walked in and out. We just slept here after attending a book signing. We couldn't even go to the beach because Heidi had to head back home for work. I'm glad that she quit that old job of hers and now has a bit more freedom this year.

Grandpa has really outdone himself this time. It wasn't really necessary to hire a personal chef for two nights, but since he went through the trouble, I couldn't just deny it. Plus, I know he is still trying to make up for the fact that I had to take the train from the airport because he couldn't find a driver, even though I was totally for it.

Whether or not it was drastic, the house did change every year. I concluded that this year, my favorite revision was in the backyard. I loved the backyard of this beach house more than anything. I was excited to finally be outside, read a book, and enjoy some of the fresh ocean air. California weather was never as relaxing. It was always dry and just way too hot sometimes. I definitely think some of the perks New Jersey has is its weather - New Jersey gets both hot and cold. And I know people complain about the cold, but people in Los Angeles have never seen snow. They never got to experience snow days and all things crazy wonderful about winter. Like snowball fights and making snowmen. And at the same time, when you're missing California, New Jersey weather was absolutely perfect for the beach. Just like today.

Grandma and Grandpa replaced the old rusty swing in the backyard with a new comfy one with a memory foam cushion. Underneath the roof of the swing, they programmed censored lights for me because they knew how much I loved to read underneath the old swing.

A part of me missed that old rusty swing because it was my favorite place when I was younger. I spent a lot of time in this house with my parents when they would visit me. I'd be here for a week and I'd get bored really quickly. With no kids around and my parents usually working from home, that swing was my sanctuary. I don't necessarily have bad memories of this house, but I can't say that I have good ones.

Although I missed the old swing, I wasn't complaining about this new one. It was much bigger and way more comfortable. It also matched the pool tiles better and wasn't an eyesore. This new swing was about the size of a twin bed and could fit about three people, comfortably.

When I read, I get lost in the words, as if the whole world is gone, just like when I was a little girl.

I got so lost, I don't notice the company I have until a shadow covers the page. I look up, smile, and greet the shadow. "Hey Nolan."