My Bittersweet Destiny

Fear and Security:

Sarah's view:

As I tried to escape Leonardo pulled me towards him in a force making me lose my and his balance. Next thing I know we fell into the pool and I screamed. My feet almost touched the bottom, before I pushed my body upward. I looked around in fear as I realised that I didn't know how to swim. I panicked and looked around to find Leo pushing back his wet hair while looking at me. I gasped for air as I tried to reach for something but the water was pulling me down. In a second he pulled me towards him by my arm and I hugged my arms around his shoulders trying to stay alive.
He held my waist up making sure to support my body mid water. I looked around fear visible in my eyes.

My breathing became heavier and hard. I was having a panic attack. I gasped for air while closing my eyes, still holding onto him with my life. My hands clenching his shirt in a tight grasp.
" It's okay. Relax. I won't let anything happen to you when I'm right beside you." He spoke softly. I took deep breaths before opening my eyes. He had a look of  concern on his face. His breaths were hitting my nose and my chest was fully squeezed against his. He looked at me with so much intensity that I felt like hiding. It was making me nervous.
His eyes scanned my eyes, my lips, my neck and my half spilling chest that was pressed tightly into him. He took a deep breath before slowly looking back into my eyes. This time lust visible in his eyes. I looked at him surprised feeling tingling in my stomach. As if my body was anticipating this closeness.
He looked in my eyes while speaking with a low voice
" You can't escape me now." I looked at him confused before realising he was holding me close. I understood.
I gulped in nervousness, while he busy looking at my parted lips. How did things shift so fast???
I looked down " I.. can you please help me get out of the water." I almost whispered avoiding his eyes.
"No. We will talk like this if we have to. At least this way you won't try to escape me." He asserted his eyes holding back anger now but the lust was still shining through. I looked back at him, my nervousness leaving me and my anxiety replacing it. A frustration, a need to get away from him blinding my mind
" Don't try to do this Leonardo. Let me get out." I spoke looking him in the eyes. He just stared at me with a hard look. I tried to move but he held me tight  hugging my waist.
I looked at him shocked as it only made me feel more frustrated.
" Move. Let go." I protested. I tried to get out of his hold but he didn't let me. Frustrated I tried to push him away which caused him to yell at me
" Stop pushing me if you don't want to die!! Stop trying to get away from my touch!" I stilled. His eyes burning with rage and frustration. I closed my eyes trying to breathe. As my breathing calmed down I looked at him giving up. He was looking at me with a different emotion now, an emotion hiding between his frustration.
" Why do you not like my touch Sarah? Do I make you nervous?" I looked at him shocked. Is it that damn visible through my face? How does he read me correctly each time when I'm quiet. Yet he's unable to read my honesty through my words.
" I..I don't." I uttered not really knowing what to say.
" You don't what?" He asked. I closed my eyes for a second trying to find some courage in me. I can't let him get this close to me. I can't let him play with my emotions anymore. I have to get away.
" I don't feel nervous Leonardo. I just don't want to be near you right now. I'm tired of those..Can you just please let me go." I spoke.
" I feel tired of you not talking to me. You keep avoiding me when I try to make you listen! You always keep making excuses to stay away from me!" He spoke a little louder.
" What do you want me to do??! I'm not your puppet who will play whatever and whenever you want. I'm a human and I have feelings. I'm exhausted of being your..punching bag." I replied in irritation, defending my feelings.
" I don't care what you think about me but the truth is you don't want to listen to me and you know it. You're always finding a way to run away from me even when I try to fix things. You're always trying your best to escape from me and this time I won't let you!" He spoke back.
I tried pushing him away hearing his words but he didn't even budged.
" Let me go Leonardo !" I yelled. He held me tight. Our noses teased each other. My half naked chest tightly rubbed against his wet shirt. Something shifted in the air. He was looking at my parted lips. I mirrored his actions. As if my heart was accepting his touch, as if my body was waiting for him to touch me, taste me, heal me. He diverted his eyes back to mine and spoke with so much emotion.
" There's something between us Sarah and both of us know this." He almost whispered. My heart fluttered at his words. Is this real? How can this be happening? Does he know what he's saying? I gulped, my mind battling with my heart. Is he trying to play with me again? Maybe he's trying to break me more. He said nothing can ever happen between us. He also said he'll hurt me, he'll break me and that I will question my existence. I can't let him play with my emotions not now, not again . I don't want to fall for him. I can't afford to do this, I'll lose everything.
His hold was much less tighter than before, it was firm but good enough to escape. I took that as an opportunity to push him away and almost succeeded before the water pulled me in again. My head too in the water, I gasped for oxygen in the water, but the water was going through in my nose and mouth. Leonardo immediately held my waist, pulling me out of the water once again. This time I didn't hold onto him because he took my legs and crossed them on his waist. I was coughing because of the water that just entered my throat and he succeeded in getting a hold of me. I was tired now so I hugged his shoulder in a reflex, while he held my leg and my waist.
" What the fuck are you trying to do?!" He yelled with concern. I looked at him suddenly realising our position. It was too intimidating. If I move a little more, my most intimate part would be touching him. Touching his masculinity. Shit, I made things worse. I gulped anxiously.
" I need to leave Leonardo. Please." I pleaded not wanting our closeness, at the moment as if I was scared of myself. Scared of losing myself. But it felt right.
" You will listen to me Sarah because you don't have any option left! You either stay here listen to me, we will talk and then I'll help you get out of the water. Or both of us will stay in here, in this position, till you agree to actually listen to me." He yelled with his dominance. He's too controlling every single time and I don't know how to deal with this.
I looked at him before looking down defeated.
Why can't things never be easier for me? If I try to move, things will shift between us. And I know him, he would not let me go. Not like this. So I stayed still as I had no other choice.
He paused for a moment taking a deep breath before he continued
" Good girl. Firstly, I didn't tell Mark anything  you're thinking. I just asked for his help in tracing Shawn's number so we can find you too. I'll be honest, I don't trust him Sarah. Your phone was off and Elif, she was with Mark,  so that only left Shawn to be trace. I trust you and I already told you that. It's him that I don't trust. He knows that I don't want him near you yet he still dares to touch you and I don't share what's mine. I care about you. I know I've hurt you a lot but I promise you I will never do this again. I've always cared about you even when I never wanted to Sarah. It's like, you're so beautiful that you're always pulling me towards you. Please don't push me away. I don't want you to stay away from me anymore." He confessed.
I looked at surprised for a moment. I took a deep breath before speaking
" Leonardo, he's just my friend. I have told you so  many times. He doesn't feel anything for me. I see him as my brother and I will always see him like that no matter what. And the moment he tries to state otherwise I will immediately cut him off. He knows I'm married to you, everyone knows. Vomiting anger will not make things easier for you, it just makes things worse till we can't deal with them." I whispered the last part.
" I'm sorry for being angry all the time but I don't like it when you keep your distance from me. You're a part of my life now. An important part. You make me angry but you also make me care about you, so damn much. I like being near you, I like talking to you, I like you even when you're silent and don't say much. I like watching you Sarah, all the damn time. I just can't help it. I like to spend my time with you as much as I can. I know one thing for sure, Sarah and that is I don't like it when you're away from me. It's like I can't stop myself from coming near you. I like being with you, I like the way we spend time. Even though whenever we argue it causes me loads of stress and anger but I can't help myself when you're near me. I'm used to you now and I can't keep my distance from you anymore." He continued. My heart stilled not believing my ears.
He paused for a moment, before looking deep into my eyes " I like you Sarah, a lot. Things have changed between us and I accept that now. I want us to be close because I can't stay away from you no matter what I do. I like you Sarah." He added with a promising emotion in his eyes. I couldn't believe my eyes. It felt too much to be true. He likes me?? Is he sure? Is this really happening? He likes me? He's making feel things which I never knew till now.
My tears flowing through my eyes as I was again and again processing his words. His simple words that made my life shine in a mere moment.
" I..I won't distant myself from you anymore because for the first time ever you spoke the truth without masking yourself Leonardo...I..I trust you so much and you should know that. I've never trusted anyone, this much before... Please don't break it...Please don't hurt me anymore." I spoke while sobbing, unwinding my trapped emotions within me.
He smiled at me and spoke " I will never hurt you. I promise you Sarah. Not intentionally at least." He spoke. I smiled back at him.
He held my cheek and I leaned into it. He pushed my wet hair behind my ear before lightly kissing my right cheek. His face near my ear.
" I've missed you so much baby. I missed your scent that lingers near me whenever you leave. I missed your smile." He continued. I could feel his hot breath smooching my earlobe. He inhaled me like I was his drug. I sighed feeling excitement and joy in my chest. A new happiness found within me. He grazed my nose with his and looked at my lips.
" I missed tasting your sweet mouth and your beautiful smile." He touched my bottom lips with his thumb. My breaths becoming heavy again. I closed my eyes for a second feeling shy at our approximation.
" You're so beautiful that I can look at you forever without glancing away." He spoke. It made my heart flutter. I looked back into his eyes.
This time I didn't look away. I mirrored his actions feeling right about this. He's my legal husband and he cares for me. I want to believe him. I should not feel bad about this. I don't want to, not tonight.
Slowly, painfully slow our lips collided. He kissed me and sighed in satisfaction. I eventually kissed him back softly allowing him entrance. He invaded my mouth exploring each corner while my stomach was having butterflies with these sudden feelings. I held onto his shoulder hugging him while he moved his hands from my cheek and leg to my lower waist not wanting to leave any distance between us. My half spilling chest completely pressed into him. Even though the water was cold for our body, my body was on fire. I silently gasped in his mouth as I felt his hands going underneath my floated dress. His hands touched my naked waist and I arched my back. My chest completely into his. His hands were playfully moving underneath the water, on my back. His kisses became dominant and sloppy, I accepted it trying to catch up.