My Bittersweet Destiny

Seeing her

Leonardo's pov:

Here I was standing right outside her house. Just a door separating me from her. My heart was beating so fast as I took a moment to take a deep breath. It's been so painful to live without her and right now I was finally going to see her. There were so many uncontrollable emotions spilling out of my chest that it was hard to be calm. There was excitement, love, sadness, an unknown anger, fear and anxiety all at once. I was angry at myself as I've been all this time.
I led us to this moment where I had to live without her for months. I messed up but I was finally here now. It took so much time for me to realise how much I love her and that how much she means to me. And this time I'll do whatever she wants but I won't give up on her. I will never give up on us.

I rang the bell as I calmed myself to breathe a little. It was still early in the morning. A moment later the door opened and Clara, Sarah's mother opened the door.
She smiled excitedly before speaking
" Hello dear! How are you are doing?!"
She was so happy to see me as she hugged me before giving me my space to enter.
" I'm good, how are you?" I replied as I took a step in.
" I'm happy now that you're here! It was so hard for me to contain my happiness and not tell Sarah anything. I was barely able to control myself from spilling everything" she laughed and my heart started beating like crazy now that I knew she was here.
Truth to be told it felt unreal. Like it was a dream and I'd wake up.
She stepped in and I followed her into the living room.
My eyes looked around as I scanned the room remembering the time when I came here to officially get engaged with her. She was so breathtaking that night. Her innocence, her eyes, her voice everything screamed of innocence yet I couldn't see it. Instead, I vowed to make her life a living hell.
She spoke as I stood there busy in my thoughts again.
" Do you want to freshen up a bit? I'll make you a coffee in case you're a bit jet legged. She'll be up soon anyways. We're going out on a picnic lunch with Grace and Ethan, the drive is a little far so we can reach there by noon."
I just nodded taking in everything she was saying. She's right, she must be sleeping right now.
"You already know where's the bathroom. And if you need anything else let me know dear. By the time I'll make you some hot coffee and then you can surprise her when she gets out of her room. She'll be so happy."
Clara spoke, almost whispering the last part in excitement as if Sarah might hear us from her room. She was very excited having absolutely no idea how much Sarah might be hating me.
I nodded as she led me to a guest bathroom before leaving.
I sighed as I felt anxious. I was nervous to see her.
How would she react? Will she yell or scream? I don't want to hurt her but I have to do this. I need to ask her to forgive me. I have to try and I'll do anything for her forgiveness.
I washed my face as I had already taken a shower in my private jet before landing. I took deep breaths while trying not to feel nervous. I don't want to mess anything up. And that was scaring me. All these months I have been thinking about my mistakes, my horrible, horrible decisions that had caused her so much pain. My actions has kept me awake at night, they've hurt me so much even though it was nothing compared to what she felt. I have reflected every little thing I said to her that tore her apart. Every time I pushed her away before pulling her back in with great intensity that she was forced to give in. And then hurting her again and again much greater strength and selfishness.
This time I will do whatever she wants. I will become however she wants me to become, I'll kneel on my knees every day till she finds a little strength to forgive me. But I won't give up on her and I won't mess anything anymore. No matter where life takes us now.

I took a deep breath as I went to the kitchen where a coffee was already placed on the island. I took a seat on one of the chairs as Clara poured herself some coffee.
She took a seat in-front of me and spoke smiling
" I really can't believe that you made it here."
"Why? Did it seem so impossible?" I chuckled. One thing I learned about Sarah's mom was that she instantly knew how to make people feel comfortable with her gentleness. And that's what I liked the most about her.
She laughed while saying
" Oh no no, it did seem possible but just not now."
I spoke while smiling
" Well I'm here now."
She continued
" Yes you are and I'm so thankful that you could make it. You have no idea how long it took for me to convince Sarah to ask you to join us. Until one day she did ask you and you had to say no. She told me that you're very serious when it comes to your work. Nothing ever interferes into your professional life."
I processed her words as I realised that yes that was true until few months ago. I placed my mug back on the counter looking at it
" It was something that I thought was the only thing I needed. It was the only thing that meant a lot to me. Until she came into my life. She changed everything that I was living. She's changed me to something that she doesn't even know right now. My career doesn't mean much to me now. Yes I've worked very hard to get where I am today but she made me realise that everything is pointless if I don't have her. If I'm all alone and living an absolutely lonely life where I don't have her and a family then what's the point of having all this? Falling in love with her is the best thing that had happened to me and nothing can interfere with that."
Clara smiled as she looked at me with happiness. But she had no idea about the things I had done to her daughter.
Before she had time to say anything back, we were interrupted by the door bell.
"I think they're here. Come on let's give them a surprise too."  She spoke politely and I nodded.
Clara stood up to open the door and I followed her.
As she opened the door Ethan and Sarah's sister Grace entered hugging her mother. But as soon both of there eyes met mine they were surprised.
" Look who's here to surprise Sarah!" Clara spoke excitedly.
Oh my God! You're here, that's amazing. When did you got here?!" Grace spoke excitedly before coming in.
She was an opposite of Sarah. Even though they were sisters, they had different personalities. Sarah was more quiet, introverted and reserved but sweet in meeting new people but Grace was more of an extrovert. I had spoken with her a few times and each time she had always been like this. Like we've been friends for ages. Ethan was also like her. Both of them were similar but different in some areas.
They had a 5 year old son who was currently at his grandmas house for today. But he'll be here for Christmas.
All of us entered the living room and sat on the couch.
We talked about work, family, Istanbul, London as we were getting more comfortable with each other.
But despite the ongoing conversation I couldn't help myself but look at the stairs constantly that when would she be coming downstairs.
I was feeling nervous as I tried to breathe. As I was struggling I immediately stood up excusing myself to drink some water. As soon I entered the kitchen I took a deep breath that I had bee holding in me.
Pouring myself a glass of water I took a seat and drank to calm my sweaty hands. I had a fear in my heart a much bigger fear of seeing hatred in her eyes. I don't know how I would react.
As soon I placed my glass in the sink I heard Clara saying.
" Good morning sweet pie."
I froze as I instantly knew who she was talking to.
My mind went silent as I took slow steps with my heart racing in my chest towards where everyone was sitting. I entered the living room and I stood in the door, freezing as I saw her after what felt like an eternity.
Her beautiful hair was facing me. Her back was facing me but I felt like dying with relief after seeing her after so long. Everyone was looking at me as they were sitting on the couch facing my way but she wasn't looking at me. Because she didn't even know that I was here.
It didn't take her long but she followed everyone's eyes on me and slowly turned around.
Her eyes, that was the only thing I could make out as all of this was feeling like a dream. It took her a second to look at my face before her eyes froze on me suddenly in shock. She froze as if everything had stopped for her. Absolutely froze seeing me. The shock was written all over her as she just stood there looking at me.  Not even blinking her eyes she just had her eyes on me. On my very unexpected existence. And that shock made me realise that she wasn't expecting to see me ever again which only pierced my heart at this thought.
" Surprise!" Everyone yelled as both of us stood there like a statue. Sarah clenched her long summer dress in her hand as she got startled by the sudden yelling.
She diverted her eyes to the people around her as if she didn't know if it was even real. Her eyes were screaming shock but at the same time it was hard to understand it.
She again looked at me as if she was trying to breathe.
While I kept looking at her, unable to remove my eyes from her, trying to tell myself that she was actually in front of me.
" Sarah" I whispered not even knowing that I spoke.
She was looking at me, blinking in shock at how was I even here. As if her world was shaken in this mom leaving her completely clueless at how did this happened.
She looked beautiful as ever. Just a little weak but she was absolutely stunning. I took slow steps forward before stopping just two steps away from her. All while she was looking at my face in shock.
" I called him to check in on him but then we decided to surprise you. I know how much you deeply wanted him to be here so he made it! He's here for you sweetie." Clara spoke completely unaware of the shock her daughter was having. She didn't say anything back but just looked at me. Her face blank but her eyes focused on me.
I don't know how long we stayed there like that until someone spoke
" Oh come on! I was expecting a much bigger reaction from you. He's your husband go on hug him!"
I think it was Grace. Sarah didn't even noticed until Grace spoke again
"Sarah!" She flinched a little before looking at people around her.
" Honey go ahead hug him. You don't have to be shy like this. We're family and he's your husband. He's here just for you despite having so much work. I know you missed him too. Go on."
Clara spoke to which Sarah just looked at her feet as if she was having a hard time with the reality. Before she slowly looked at her and that's when I realised. She had so much pain in her eyes that she was trying to hide with a wall. A wall I've never seen before.
She didn't move instead she gulped hard looking at me as if she would break down any moment.
" Go ahead Leonardo, hug your wife!" Clara spoke excitedly as I felt a bruising stare from Sarah. Her eyes constantly diverting from my one eye to another. An anger in them. A strong, painful yet quiet anger.
I took a step ahead before meeting her eyes. She didn't move but as if she was telling me to not do it or I'll face the consequences. I've never seen her like this. It was so new to me. But she has every right to do this.
Her scent hit my nose and I gave up instantly. I pulled her into my arms with such a great intensity that she hit right into my chest. I hugged her hard before taking a deep breath in her shoulder. My nose immediately took in her scent and I felt like dying with happiness in that second. I couldn't help but had tears of happiness in my eyes as I nuzzled my head into her hair taking in everything before she pulls away.
But she didn't push me. She didn't even hug me back instead she stood there like a statue. Like she had just froze. I exhaled deeply as if I had finally made it home after a long awful journey.
I didn't wanted to let her go. I couldn't especially when I had her beautiful scent right into my senses.
I don't know how long we stood like that before someone cleared there throat.
I eventually pulled back from Sarah while she stood just like that.
"Let's have breakfast first, then we can leave".
Clara spoke to which I just nodded as I wasn't able to take my eyes off her now that she was right here.

Sarah diverted her eyes to somewhere else, immediately before speaking not even looking at any of us
" I have to use the bathroom." She spoke as her eyes looked around. As if she was going to break. As if she  had panic in her eyes. She was taking hard breaths. She had fear in her eyes and that instantly broke me.
Not even glancing my way once she immediately ran upstairs to her room.
Thankfully, Clara, Grace and Ethan didn't think much about it before they walked to the table. While I just stood there looking at the stairs she just ran up to.
I wanted to follow her, beg her, kneel down for her forgiveness but I knew it wasn't that easy. She's in the verge of breaking and I can't do this right now. She'll lose it if I try to talk to her right now. Of course she hadn't expected to see me suddenly, after months and that probably shocked her. And I'm to blame myself for this because I'm the reason she'd left me. I hurt her too much and I could see it but I still didn't stop.
I put her through hell and seeing me like this must've caused her to panic. I hate that she feels this. I wish I could take every ounce of pain from her.
She hates me. And unfortunately I can't fix that in just few days. I might take me forever but I'll keep begging her till the day I die because she's the sole reason I'm alive.
I couldn't move for few minutes before Clara called for me from the table and I had to take a seat on the table.
Everyone was busy eating while I couldn't help myself being zoned out from there conversation.
I was waiting for her to come down and I was afraid to go upstairs because I couldn't bring myself to see her hatred for myself. I was afraid of seeing her hating me. But that was something that I deserve probably for lifetime. I face anything for you Sarah.
I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I'm the one who broke you and I will be the one who'll heal you. Just like you've healed this hatred, anger and coldness in me. I promise to love you in every lifetime and every universe.