CATALYST

DAVID

         I wasn't sleeping. I barely ate. I skipped the gym practically every other day. I had no energy, and everything depressed me.

      My house was too quiet. My bed too empty. My life too lonely.

      What was he thinking? How was he doing? Was he working a lot? Did he like his new apartment? Did he miss me at night the way I missed him?

      After ten days of this torture, I found myself talking to strangers at the grocery store just for human connection. I knew I could have called Jayden or Sowon, but I didn't trust myself not to blurt the truth and melt into a pathetic puddle of shame and humiliation for what I'd done.

      Finally, I broke down and went into The Black Label on my way home from work one Friday night. I hadn't seen Travis in almost two weeks, and my hands shook as I pushed open the door. Had it really only been a month since I'd come in here to pick him up? So much had changed since then. I wasn't the same person at all.

      So why are you trying to act like it?

      I pushed the voice aside and walked to the bar, careful to appear cool and casual. I didn't look around for him until I'd ordered a beer and counted to twenty. Then I let myself glance around, as if I wanted to see what was new here.

      He was wiping down a high-top table behind me, and I couldn't tell if he'd seen me yet. I whipped my head around and focused on my beer again. My heart thundered in my chest, and I felt short of breath.

      "Hey, stranger." Sowon appeared behind the bar and grinned at me. "Haven't seen you in forever. Been busy?"

      "Yeah." I ran a hand through my hair. "Work stuff. Lots of work stuff."

      "Dad running you ragged?"

      "Something like that." I dragged on the beer bottle, sucking it down.

      "Well, it's good to see you. Can I get you something to eat?"

      I wasn't hungry in the slightest, but it would give me a reason to sit there. "Sure. Bring me whatever."

      She sighed. "One whatever, coming right up."

      As soon as she disappeared behind the kitchen door, I looked for Maxim again, but he wasn't behind me anymore. Scanning the room again, I found him in a far corner, loading empty glasses onto a tray. When he brought them behind the bar, he spotted me.

      I smiled before I could help myself. My throat was dry. My chest was tight. He'd gotten a haircut, and it looked fantastic. And those eyes—how could I have forgotten how black they were? His hands, fuck I missed his hands. I missed everything.

      By contrast, he did not look happy to see me. He washed the glasses with a stony look on his face, and then came over to me. "David."

      "Travis." I held out my hand, and he shook it across the bar. "Good to see you."

      He nodded shortly. "You too."

      "Got a minute to talk outside?" Fuck. What was I doing?

      "Not really."

      "Oh. Well, how are things going?"

      "Fine."

      "Like your new place?"

      "Yeah."

      "And the job is still good?"

      "Yeah."

       "This was not going smoothly. If I could just get him alone... "What time are you off tonight? I thought maybe we could catch up a little. Want to come by the house?" I didn't even care if anyone heard me.