CATALYST

DAVID

        "So I have to tell you something." I wasn't in the mood to put it off. I'd waited until our beers arrived, and that was long enough.

      "Okay." Jayden looked at me a little funny.

      "I'm in love with someone."

      His jaw dropped. "Seriously? That's great, man. Who is she?"

      I shook my head, closed my eyes, and braced myself. When I opened them again, I spoke the truth. "It's not a she, it's a he. It's Travis."

      I'd thought it would nauseate me. I'd thought it would feel wrong. I'd thought it would be the hardest thing I'd ever done. But it wasn't. Actually, the truth had skated pretty easily off my tongue.

      Jayden squinted at me like he might have heard wrong, mouth agape. "What?"

      "It's Travis," I said, my confidence growing. Fuck, this felt good. How had I "not guessed how good this would feel? "I'm in love with Travis."

      "Goddammit!" He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. "Do you know what this means? I lost the bet."

      "The bet?"

      "Yeah." Jayden took a long swallow of his beer. "Karina bet me after that night at your house, when we all had dinner, that you guys had a thing. I didn't see it at all."

      I blinked in surprise. "Fuck. Really? Joleen said the same thing."

      Jayden nearly choked on his beer. "Are you kidding me? How am I so dense?"

      "Don't feel bad. I worked really hard not to let it show. I worked really hard not to feel it at all."

      "Did you?" He looked at me sympathetically. "That's got to be hard."

      "Yeah." I shook my head. "But it didn't work. I still feel it."

      "Does he?"

      "He did a couple weeks ago. But I fucked it up."

      "How?"

      "I told him we had to stay a secret. It hurt him."

        "I get it. That would hurt."

      It felt like he punched me. "Yeah. But I wasn't ready to accept it yet—the fact that I wanted to be with a guy."

      Jayden thought for a moment, took another drink. "Have you always felt like that? Attracted to guys?"

      The back of my neck got hot. "Sort of. From the time I was young, I had the occasional feeling for someone. But I was always able to ignore it."

      "His expression turned guilty. "I feel kind of bad that I never knew or guessed this about you. We've been best friends forever."

      "Don't feel bad. I did everything I could to hide it. And I liked girls too. It wasn't really that big of an issue."

      "I was just going to ask that. If you'd been faking it with women."

      "Not necessarily. But it's been a really long time since I've had good chemistry with a woman. And I've never had chemistry with anyone like I do with Travis."

      "Wow. So what now?"

      I took a deep breath. "Now I try to figure out where to go from here, I guess. How to be honest about my feelings. How to accept this about myself. How to convince Travis to give me another chance."

      "Tell me what to do to help you," he said seriously, setting his beer bottle down. "Karina and I will do everything we can."

      "Can I bring a guest to the birthday party Sunday?"