Pretty Hurts - Erik KIllmonger x reader

Chapter 18

A/N: Read while listening to this songggg! I promise you wont regret it! Alot of the emotions in my chapters are heavily influenced by the lyrics/melodies etc in each song I put for each chapter. I suggest definitely using this song to read a certain part *wink wink*......I will put **** for the part I am talking about. ALSO This whole damn chapter is one big fucking !TRIGGER WARNING! So read with careful ass caution. But if u a freak like me (no pun intended) then this is right up your alley! Enjoy bitches!

Y/N's POV

Its been about 3 weeks since I have last seen Erik....

At least thats how long it had been before I stopped counting the days. They all bleed together now anyways. Im just confused...Like genuinely they have got me ALL. THE. WAY. FUCKED. UP.

When Erik said he loved me it left me reeling, like how in the honey bunches of fuck are you going to kidnap me and remove me away from my life and all I have ever known albeit it was pretty shitty but STILL, then reveal that you have basically been stalking my life and bring me to god knows where and hold me in a place that looks like its straight out of a scene from Mighty Med, then tell me you FUCKING LOVE ME and fucking DISAPPEAR!

Not to mention WHO he left me with! Santiago aint all that bad, at least I know he means well and I actually consider him a friend? aquaintance? I dunno. Everyday he brings me food and has been keeping me company and actually he is a really funny guy. The few smiles I crack in this supercharged hellhole are 9 times out 10 his doing. He reminds me a lot of Leon in that way.

He even let me call my friends and just hear their voices for once in what felt like a lifetime. It killed me to have to lie to them about what was going on. I could always tell them any and everything. Even before my mom and I reconciled they were all I had. But I knew for a fact that if I told them everything thats going on that it would kill them both (literally). So I had to lie, I told them that one of my mom's distant aunties in Georgia was terminally sick and that my mom figured it was a good idea to go down there and be with family....

When I heard Layla and Leon rave about how happy they were for me and my mom's knew beginning and how much we deserved a chance to be a family, I felt sick because I knew I would never get that. She would never be at my wedding crying tears of joy. My dad would never walk me down the aisle and give me away to the man of my dreams so we could spend the rest of eternity together and make beautiful babies. Even if I somehow survived this mess called my 'destiny' I would never be able to get the life I wanted. I clenched my hand around my amethyst crystal necklace, I havent taken it off just like I promised mama I wouldnt. Its the only thing that brings me comfort these days, knowing that I have a tiny piece of my mom and dad, a piece of my history that no one could ever take away from me. The moment I put it on it sealed around me and Im the only person who can take it off. At least I know that even if all this shit goes south.....which it probably will, even in death I will have them with me

From that day forward I considered Santiago a sort of confidant. After I hung up on the twins lying about how the service sucked because I was in the middle of nowhere, I broke down crying all over again and he just hugged me until I exhausted myself and fell asleep He knew he wasnt supposed to but he still did. The only thing he wont do is answer my questions about Erik like "WHERE IS HE?" and "WHY DID HE BRING ME HERE?"or "WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT FROM ME AND WHY HASNT HE COME BACK!?!" Unfortuantely all I get in return is "Trust me he will be back" and "You really dont wanna know what he is out there doing Y/n. Youre tough as fuck but you aint built for that" and that shit pisses me offffff sooo damn bad!

I have been in my darkest days lately. It's always up and down..I feel like I will have a plan to be a badass and fight my way outta here but the more I learn the more I realize what I am actually going up against and well Ion know shit about shit in that case.