I was never there

Chapter five

Life without her. Damn. I just can't imagine it. I still got to deal with it. Never. I roll on my back while looking at the ceiling. I'm going to her funeral today. My black clothes are hanging at the wall in front of me. I really don't want to go, I don't want to feel that pain i felt in the hospital a week ago. It's so painful that u can't imagine it. She was my only love. She was a loner and didn't say a lot. Kind of invisible. I thought she was just weird and quiet, until we needed to work together in some sort of group project. As we were working i fell in love. She wasn't really quiet, just shy. I got to know her and in a short time we became friends. I sacrificed my popularity for her and after a while i told her my feelings for her. She felt the same and we became a happy couple. Maya was just so sweet and bought me gift every anniversary. A necklace of a warm jacket. She wasn't just my girlfriend but also my best friend. I can't believe that someone could do something this cruel. That b*tch.... I stood up, but i became lightheaded cause i balled my eyes out the other day. I grabbed my black dress and panty. As i was dressed, i ran down stairs and grabbed my jacket. My parents were all ready and just stood there, watching me as i put on my coat. My dad smiled at me and my mom had tears in her eyes. I ran outside cause I didn't want to see they're sad faces. Looking at the blue sky made me think of the moments we walked together, so i looked at the seat in front of me. Now I remember that en long car ride when we went on a vacation together. Oh, we had so much fun back then... Every thing reminds me of her, wherever i look at. The sun, the birds, the sky. The funeral was just a few minutes away and i am panicking as hell. I never really express my feelings to other people except Maya. I could always tell her anything and she would never tell it to someone else. I felt the car park into one of the many spots. I was quiet as we walked into a large space full of old photos of Maya. I saw one of the pictures on a big tv screen on the wall. Me and Maya were on the picture, happy smiling. We were standing in a lake with our swimsuits on. Her hand was around my waist and mine was around hers. I looked away and saw all the other photos. One from when she was young, one from kindergarten, from 6th grade. I never talked about her past, when I didn't knew her. We were just living in the moment.  We walked into a small space filled with chairs at the side and a lang hallway in the middle. On of the employees led us to the front row. As we sat down, i saw the chest in front of me. Maya's body was in there. Her sprit was right next to me. 'It's going to be okay, you will get over it.' That scared me. I blinked and she was gone. I was left completely shocked. I was going crazy. Damn. Dramatic music started playing. There was a tv screen in front of me that played a album of Maya's childhood. I was interested. She wasn't shy at all when she was young. I wondered what changed her. Suddenly her mom stood op and walked at the stage beside Maya. She started talking about the special moments from Maya's childhood. I was zoned out for a while until i heard my name. 'What? I needed to do a speech?' I didn't got anything prepared. I looked at my parents. My mom grabbed my hand and said: 'Just speak from your heart, sweetie.' I stood up in complete fear. I walked up to the stage, cleared my throat and spoke: 'H-hello, I'm X, as most of you know, i was maya's girlfriend. I just stood there, looking hella nervous. 'Maya and me were not only in love, but each others best friends. She was always there for me, whatever the situation. I could tell her everything. Once we went on a holiday together and.....' I shared the story with everyone. When i was done, i felt better. I mean not good, but better. When the funeral was done, we carried maya to her grave. I cried as the chest got buried under the brown sand. I didn't feel like laughing ever again. I just wanted to be in my room staring at the blank wall.