When You're High on Life

Welcome to Space!

We see a young man of 19 sitting at the computer in his room. He was playing the sequel to one of his favorite video games. Buck Thunder II!
He muttered to himself, "finally. Been waiting to play this game for so long. Thank you for being on sale!"
As he shoots at the cloned boyfriends of the main character's ex wife, (yes, that was really part of the game he was playing), we see what he looks like as the light from the computer reflects his features. He had pale skin with some light freckles, short brown hair, a light five o'clock shadow caused by a lack of shaving that morning and dark brown eyes. He had a decent figure. Not super buff, but not overweight or too skinny. Just an average build. He wore blue jeans, black socks, a white T-shirt with a blue square with orange rings around it, and a dark blue hoodie that was unzipped.
This is Derek Parrson. 19 years old, fresh outta high school, and living with his parents and sister. He was your average teenager. He loved video games. His favorite food is buffalo wings. He liked Coke, Pepsi and Sprite. His favorite movies are Batman 1989, Star Wars, Mad Max: Fury Road, Shark Tale, (yes really), the Muppet Movie, Labyrinth, the Dark Crystal and Willow. His favorite bands are They Might Be Giants, Smash Mouth, Gorillaz and BareNaked Ladies. And as he searched for a job that paid well, he spent most of his time in his room playing his games, watching dirty movies, reading fanfiction, watching regular movies, listening to music, and trying to find his calling….
His room looked like one most teenage boys would have. Dark gray walls, a muted green carpet, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling that he never bothered to get off of there, a pile of clothes beside his bed, posters of various movies, games and shows littering the walls, a small TV, a closet with a Stop Sign on it, a lamp, a boombox, a fan, an old guitar, trinkets on the shelves, etc.
As Derek was playing his game, he heard a knock at the door.
He groaned lightly as he heard the voice of his sister, Lizzie, say, "hey! Open up. Are you gonna be in there all day?"
Derek said, "yeah."
Lizzie said, "mom and dad just left!"
Derek said, "sounds like the perfect reason to stay in here all day."
Derek didn't exactly have the best relationship with his parents. While his mother was supportive enough, his dad seemed very distant with him.
Lizzie continued to say, "I'm coming in, you better not be doing anything weird in there!"
Before Derek could protest, his sister entered the room. She was around the same age as him with shoulder length dirty blonde hair, a purple hoodie with no zipper, gray jeans and white and red sneakers.
Lizzie cringed and said, "your room is a mess…."
Derek rolled his eyes. He didn't need to be told twice. He intended to clean his room at some point, but he tended to put off doing it.
Lizzie asked as she sat on the bed, "why didn't you say goodbye to Mom and Dad before they left for their trip? You know they were pissed, right? And so am I, frankly."
Derek remarked, "when aren't they pissed with me?"
Lizzie said as she rolled her eyes at his statement, "whatever…. We got the place to ourselves now!"
Lizzie then suddenly pulled out a compact with cocaine on it.
Derek groaned, "really?"
Lizzie scoffed, "oh my God, don't give me that look, narc. What? Are you mad that I'm throwing this party tonight?"
Derek commented as his sister snorted some of the coke, "I'm more concerned that you're doing drugs in my room. Am I the only one in class that listened to those damned anti-drug PSA's?"
Lizzie just chuckled and said, "it's fine. Mom and Dad are gone for a whole fuckin' week. We can do whatever we want. Zero consequences!"
She snorted another line.
Derek thought, 'that shit's gonna fuck with her head in the long run….'
Lizzie then replied, "here, c'mon, try some."
Derek said as he backed away slightly, "how 'bout no. The only coke I'm gonna get into my system tonight is cherry flavored and in a can."
Lizzie retorted, "suit yourself. More for me then."
She stood up as Derek muttered, "the only way I'm gonna do any kind of drug is if I was forced to by an alien fighting me…. Why was I so specific there?"
Lizzie said as she flexed her fingers a little, "alright, I'm gonna go get ready for the party. This stuff's gonna last me all week. It is powerful."
She walked out of the room. Derek sighed, in no mood to play his game now. He quickly saved his place and turned it off. He then walked out of his room, through the hall and down the stairs, passing by various photos on the walls of his family. Such as when they went to an amusement park, his mom and sister when she was a baby napping in a recliner together, his dad and him playing catch when he was six, etc. Derek still remembered when his dad had accidentally hit him in the eye with the ball. He was so pissed, he chucked it into his dad's junk. His mom was able to calm them down with some ice cream and fried chicken that night.
Derek couldn't help but smile as he recalled so many fond memories from those photos.
Lizzie said as she leaned at the doorway of the kitchen, "Mom told me I was in charge. She did it in secret so it wouldn't hurt your feelings."
Derek shrugged as he entered the living room, seeing the fireplace, couch, chairs, TV and house plants. Just your average suburban living room.
Lizzie jokes, "and Dad said that he flat out doesn't love you. It was actually pretty messed up."
Derek said as he rolled his eyes, "hardy har, very funny. The last time you told me that, dad walked in with my birthday cake."
Lizzie chuckled and said, "by the way, Mom left you a note on the fridge. Go read it. Then come meet me outside. I need your help grabbing party shit from the store."
Derek muttered, "more like you need me to drive cause you're tripping balls."
Lizzie asked, "what was that?"
Derek quickly said, "nothing! Hmm, I better make sure to grab some chicken wings and sauce. Last time I made wings at a party, I almost got laid. Until she passed out and I had to make sure no-one did anything to her."
Lizzie said, "thanks for doing that for Tricia, by the way. She may be kind of a slut, but no-one deserves that kind of shit."
Derek gave a firm nod. That kind of stuff made him sick to his stomach.
Derek walked into the kitchen and over to the fridge. He grabbed the note.
It read, "Hello sweetheart. It would've been nice if you'd have come downstairs to say goodbye to your father and I before we left. We hope you know we love you very much, but we can't keep supporting you if you're just going to sit around playing video games all day! You should follow Lizzie's example: she already got accepted into three great schools. I really hope you can get your act together. Why don't you figure out a plan before we get back? Love, Mom."
Derek sighed solemnly as he folded and pocketed the note from his mom. His Mom meant well, she really did, but Derek wasn't sure what his calling was. He needed to get a job, and wasn't eager to go to college because of how much it would cost. Figure out a plan? Easier said than done when you have no idea where to take your life.
Derek pushed his thoughts aside, he had to help his sister for now. He could sulk later. So, he made his way outside of their standard looking house sequestered in a small cul de sac, seeing his sister waiting by the driveway. Her car was parked by the mailbox.
Lizzie started to say as she put her phone away, "so, I guess-", when something truly unexpected happened!
In a flash of blue light, one of the houses vanished and was replaced with a strange red and silver colored building that looked like it was from a sci-fi film!
Lizzie yelled, "shit! What the fuck!?"
Derek was too shocked to even say anything at that moment. Out of all the things he was expecting to happen that day…. He wasn't expecting THAT!
The two quickly hid behind the car.
Lizzie whispered as she ran over to her car, "get down and stay quiet."
Derek whispered, "what does it look like I'm doing?!"
Lizzie whispered, "don't be a wise ass!"
The two slowly peaked out from their cover to see several strange creatures walk out of the building. First was an overweight man with teal skin, big black eyes, antennae, wearing dark blue pants, a black vest and a sleeveless white shirt. He began to speak in a strange alien dialect. One of the other aliens had large eyes, orange skin, strange bulbous features, purple armor covering everything but his head and arms. The third was a worm-like alien in a tank filled with water and with mechanical limbs. And the last one was a giant beast that looked like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and last night's dinner, with a bulbous eye on a mound of flesh making up the shoulder, a smaller eye and a large mouth filled with sharp teeth on the head, or what Derek presumed was the head, and strange limbs that looked like tails with small holes on the ends.
Lizzie whispered, "I knew aliens were real! That…. Is what I'm seeing, right? I'm not tripping balls?"
Derek whispered with a feeling of unease, "cocaine doesn't make you see this kind of shit. And I'm seeing it too, so…."
The aliens spoke to one another in their unknown language.
Lizzie asked, "can you understand what they're saying?"
Derek said, "no, I don't speak alien!"
That's when they saw Mr. Pilfrey, an old man in a mobility scooter, roll over to the slug alien in confusion.
Lizzie said, "oh shit, look. It's Mr. Pilfrey! He's got that, umm, what is it called? Uhh-"
Derek said, "Dementia?"
Lizzie replied, "yeah, that."
Mr. Pilfrey said as he walked up to the hulking slug alien, "hello? What's going on out here? Martha! Is that you?"
The alien suddenly grabbed the old man and shoved him feet first into one of the tube-like appendages he had.
Lizzie said in shock and horror, "oh my God…. What did they just do to Mr. Pilfrey?"
The tube shuddered as if it was sucking something up, the alien giving a strange look before smoke emerged from his mouth as Mr. Pilfrey groaned in pain.
Derek said in pure confusion and shock, "I think they just smoked him. Jesus…."
The large alien chuckled in some sort of sick pleasure as he began to speak again.
Lizzie asked, "what the fuck is going on?!"
Derek growled, "how the Hell should I know?!"
The teal skinned alien began to speak, sounding like he was trying to negotiate a payment of some kind, when the armored alien suddenly shot him in the face!
Derek said, "sweet Jesus!"
The now dead alien flopped to the ground on his face as blood looked around him. The large alien chuckled, shaking the ground a little before the strange building and the three living aliens vanished in a blue light, leaving a burning crater where it once stood, the two houses on the sides partially destroyed.
Derek had a million thoughts racing through his head at that moment. Aliens are real…. And they just smoked a human like a drug!
Lizzie suddenly said, "do you hear that?"
That's when Derek noticed a voice coming from under the dead alien.
Lizzie asked, "what's that sound? It sounds like it's coming from that dead alien."
Derek said, "I dunno, but I'm gonna find out. Stay here, Lizzie."
Lizzie grabbed her brother's hand and said, "are you nuts?! You don't know where that thing's been!"
Derek pulled his hand away and said, "it's clearly dead. I gotta see what the Hell is making that noise."
Derek made his way over to the dead alien.
Lizzie called out, "please be careful! And if you get infected, don't come near me!"
Derek groaned, "gee, thanks…."
Derek cringed in disgust, not being eager to handle a dead body, as he had to roll the alien over, where the sound was coming from a rather odd looking gun the alien had in his jacket. Derek carefully picked it up with a look of awe, confusion and apprehension all at once. It looked like a small, blue alien with tiny purple antennae, big eyes, a wide mouth, and the back of their head resembling a purple, fleshy gun barrel with a blinking red device on the underside. This strange alien thing kept talking in its native tongue as Derek stood up and looked it over.
Derek muttered, "what kind of weapon is-"
The strange alien thing then suddenly spit green slime into Derek's face!
He groaned, "UGH! What the fuck?!"
The slime didn't hurt, so it didn't seem harmful. Must've been some kind of alien snot…. Which just made it even grosser.
Lizzie yelled, "ugh, did that thing just spit all over you?"
Derek groaned as he wiped up the thankfully non-acidic slime, "I don't need a play by play!"
Lizzie asked, "does it hurt? Did that thing spit acid in your face?"
Derek said, "no. I think it's just…. Alien snot."
Lizzie simply said, "ew."
And that's when another shock occurred. The strange alien creature began to speak…. And Derek could understand them!
They said in a nasally voice, "finally! Oh my God! Finally, I'm free! Thank God! What a nightmare. Listen, can you pull the inhibitor chip out of me! It's the metal thing stuck in me, just pull it out!"
Derek looked at the metal thing and, with a very confused and shaken expression, pulled it out of the strange talking alien thing.
It said with a smile, "ahh, that feels so much better! Thank you! Yeah, sorry about the spit. I-I-I-I needed to get you infected with the translator microbes. Th-th-that's sorta how it works. I guess you guys don't have those here yet."
Derek said, "we don't have talking guns, translators or disappearing alien buildings. I'm still trying to comprehend all this! What the fuck is going on?!"
Derek's head was spinning. He was talking to an alien gun like they were a new person on the block and had seen Mr. Pilfrey get abducted by aliens. This shit wasn't normal!
The alien said, "okay, well listen. My name's Kenny. I'm a Gatlian. Uhh, we gotta kinda, we gotta move."
Lizzie asked in confusion, "uhh, what is it? Is it…. Talking to you? Maybe we should go back to the house."
Kenny said, "ignore her. It's very important that you listen to everything I say! Okay, it is your lucky day right now. We can survive this together if you just listen to me!"
Derek said, "just tell me this, er, Kenny…. What the fuck is going on?!"
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a smaller red building like the one from before appeared in a flash of blue light at the end of the street.
Derek yelled, growing protective over his sister, "Lizzie! Get inside!"
He instantly heard the door slam.
He muttered, "how the fuck did she get inside so fast?"
Strange aliens ran down the street in yellow suits that looked like slime. Some were short and had singular large eyes and sharp teeth, while others had normal looking eyes and mouths, but were much taller. They all held purple guns of some kind.
Kenny said, "those G3 guys are gonna turn your whole species into drugs. Can you handle a gun?"
Derek said in fear, "um, the closest I've ever come to using a gun is Duck Hunt and those arcade shooters!"
Kenny said, "I don't know what those are, but okay. I'm kind of a gun. And if you don't use me to kill those G3 grunts, y-you know, they're gonna fuckin' kill us!"
Derek groaned, "what have I gotten myself into?!"
He ran forward, pointing Kenny and attempting to use him like a gun. It seemed to work, as a green, slimy projectile came out of Kenny's back/barrel and hit one of the G3 grunts in the eye, killing them instantly as Derek went wide-eyed. He had just killed an alien! He had taken a life in a matter of seconds! He tried to pull himself together. He couldn't think about that now. He had to keep going, otherwise he was gonna end up joining that first alien in the street! Derek ran forward, doing his best to avoid getting shot, terrified for his life. Thankfully, these aliens had a really shitty aim. Kenny rambled on about the G3 warp base they went into as Derek shot at the G3, doing his best to push down his thoughts as he focused on surviving all this. He made his way through the small warp base as he killed the last of them.
Kenny said, "nice! Y-you know you had to kill them, right? It was either them or you, and me as well. And I would prefer to live."
Derek said, ".... Not helping. I'm doing my best not to freak the fuck out!"
They saw a glowing purple crystal plugged into a console.
Kenny said, "fuck yeah! Now grab the warp drive! We'll use this to warp the Hell off this doomed planet! Sorry, no offense. I don't mean to upset you, but yes, your planet is doomed right now."
Derek picked up the strange device containing the purple crystal. But then it started beeping.
Derek asked, "what the Hell…?"
Kenny said, "okay, listen. Don't worry about the beeping. The beeping's fine. It's just…. It's gonna blow up soon."
Derek yelled, "WHAT?!"
Kenny exclaimed, "calm down! We just need to plug his thing into power. Do you have something back at your house?"
Derek shouted out, "I don't fucking know! I didn't even know aliens existed ten minutes ago! Much less how the Hell this damned thing works!"
Kenny said, "well, get us back to your house, or hut, and we'll think of something!"
Derek nodded a bit shakily as he began running down the street, shooting at more G3 as they stormed the area. He saw various other humans hiding in their houses or running for their lives. Kenny tried to encourage him as they fought them off, but it was doing very little to calm Derek down in this crisis. This was the end of the friggin' world!
They approached the house as Kenny said, "that's your hut, right? The one that the weird alien you were with ran off to? We're here!"
Derek made his way inside as he said, "Lizzie? Lizzie! Liz- WOAH!"
Lizzie stood over a dead G3 Murk, as Kenny called them, covered in dark purple blood and holding a bat.
Lizzie exclaimed, "oh, thank God! You're still alive! I just killed an alien! Ugh, cough, I got blood in my mouth! I think we're all gonna die!"
Derek quickly ran over to Lizzie and grabbed her shoulder.
He said, "hey, hey! Listen to me! We're not gonna die! Okay? Okay!"
Lizzie stuttered, "o-okay…. O-o-ok-kay…."
Kenny asked, trying to change the subject, "you got anything in here that emits, I don't know, microwaves? I know it's a lot to ask-"
Lizzie interrupted, "what, like a fuckin' microwave? Oh, whoa, I can understand your gun now."
Kenny said, "translator microbes! They're contagious, but cou- please just move past all this shit?!"
Derek said, "right, to the kitchen!"
Derek ran to the kitchen with the device. He set it down on the kitchen island as a bunch of wires sprung from it and attached to the microwave as the crystal started to glow purple again.
Kenny said, "oh, thank God, it worked! Okay, it's just gonna need a second to boot up…."
That's when Lizzie and Derek turned towards the TV as the news footage changed to a video feed of the large alien they saw.
Lizzie said, "oh my God! That's the scary alien we saw take Mr. Pilfrey!"
The alien said in a deep, booming voice, "hello, aliens of Earth. My name is Garmantuous, leader of the G3 Cartel. Don't resist. Any attempts to fight us would be futile. You are now officially property of the G3 Cartel."
Lizzie said, "this is crazy…. Fuck", as the screen changed to a test pattern.
Derek said, "an alien drug cartel is invading Earth…. God, we're living the plot of a Buck Thunder sequel…. I did NOT expect today to go like this! I figured maybe I'd get to go on a date with Tricia Lang or that hot redhead from math class before having to survive a damned alien invasion!"
Kenny said, "alright, it's go time! Let's get outta here!"
Lizzie asked, "wait, 'get outta here?' Where are we going?"
Derek said, "anywhere is better than Earth right now, that's for sure."
Kenny said, "we're gonna find somebody you can help! You ever been to the big city?"
Derek said in slight confusion, "yeah, it's like fifteen minutes away…."
The house began to shake as Lizzie and Derek grabbed onto whatever they could.
Kenny said, "because you're about to, except that it's a space city! It's a huge space city! And you better just follow my lead!"
After a few moments, the house stopped shaking.
Lizzie asked, "what…. What just happened?"
Kenny said, "looks like we made it. Welcome to Blim City!"
Lizzie asked, "did you just…. Warp our entire house…. To another planet?"
Derek said, "I think he did. But at least we're safe…. For now."
Kenny said, "yeah, we'll be safe here. Now take me outside."
Derek said, "dude, hold on. I need a minute. In the span of only a few minutes, I just found out aliens are real, killed a bunch, learned that they want to smoke us like weed, our house is now on another planet or city or whatever, and I'm talking to a fucking gun who's telling me to go outside into said space city. I need a damned minute…."
Kenny said, "I…. I'm sorry. Go ahead, take your time."
Derek said, "thank you."
Derek sat down as he set Kenny down in front of him on the table.
Derek looked down, swimming in his thoughts about everything that just happened, trying to comprehend how he was basically living through the plot of a sci-fi film.
Lizzie awkwardly asked Kenny after a few minutes of silence, "so…. How exactly are we gonna get back to Earth?"
Kenny explained, "as of right now, we can't. We don't have your planet's coordinates, so that was a one way trip."
Lizzie said, "but what about our parents? Everyone else on Earth?"
Kenny said, "look, we left because we're trying to save them! That's why we need Gene."
Dark and Lizzie asked, "who?"
Kenny answered, "Gene Zaroothean. A bounty hunter who could help us. So, can we please go find him?"
Derek sighed and said, "alright…. At least it's something we can do. Lizzie, you stay here and clean that blood off yourself. I'll go find this Gene guy."
Lizzie said, "seriously? You're just gonna go out there and look for some alien bounty hunter?"
Derek asked rhetorically, "do you know any other option we have?"
Lizzie sighed and said, "no…. Fine. Just hurry back."
Derek nodded firmly as he grabbed Kenny and walked to the front door. He slowly opened the door, and was met with quite the sight. A gigantic city surrounding the house, with strange aliens walking about. Derek saw ones such as a woman with orange skin, purple hair, and arms on her head where her ears should have been. A large, furry blue alien with sharp teeth buying food from a vendor. Small green men in hard hats waddling along the road. A purple man dressed in baggy clothes walking along. What looked like a cross between a crocodile and a robot. A woman with a large head, pink hair, blue skin, eye stalks, wearing a yellow jacket, red shirt and gray sweatpants. And even what looked like a bi-pedal ant.
Derek muttered in awe, "hoooly shiiiiit…."
Kenny said, "welcome to fuckin' space!"