Winter in Cambridge

Chapter 5 - Mistakes

Author Note

Accompanying song

Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

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The past ten days seemed like a blur to Winter as she tried to focus on her studies, but nothing seemed to be going in, no matter how much she tried to focus on her work.

Voices sounded like incessant buzzing in her ears. Lights seemed too bright as she tried to focus on her laptop screen. Words in her books seemed to blur together into swirls of black ink, illegible to her eyes. Even smells weren't the same when she could only think about the intoxicating scent of smoky wood, citrus and leather.

Nothing felt quite right and it was infuriating.

She sat in her lectures with her head down, trying to not think about what might have happened in her Professor's office.

It had been even more awkward between them since that moment in Tom's office.

The sound of their heavy breathing filling the empty space between them as they had stood in his office so close to each other that they were practically breathing the same air had left a bitter taste in Winter's mouth and haunted her thoughts.

It had felt like they had both frozen in time, allowing minutes to pass between them. But, in reality, it had only been seconds before morality had both reminded them of their positions and circumstances, cautioning them not to act impulsively on their desires.

They both left the office, disappointed and confused, with a hollow feeling in their gut of what might have been had they taken a chance and broken the social taboo.

Winter avoided having to talk to her Professor unless she absolutely had to. She felt terrible, but deep down, her conscience insisted that she had made the right decision to keep whatever this was a strictly professional teacher and student relationship.

She had thought about it repeatedly, playing it in her head over and over. Every little movement, every breath that had encompassed that moment.

If he was actually interested in her, he would have acted upon it in his office when they were alone.

But he didn't.

It put so many doubts into Winters's head. Maybe all those little lingering looks and smiles she had caught him doing the past few days were simply explained as him being a flirt. Perhaps that's all this was. He enjoyed making particular students feel desired. Maybe it was all just a game to him, and Winter wasn't the only student he did this with.

Whatever was going on, the doubts in Winter's head pushed her to not act so stupidly and do something about it. So she did what she had always done, drove it to the back of her mind and tried to ignore her feelings.

Her usual tactics of avoidance had backfired entirely though, as now she couldn't concentrate on anything during her lectures with him. She was too busy trying to not think about him all the time when he was right in front of her, making it hard to take in anything he was trying to teach.

Winter had turned him down whenever he had asked her about her manuscript or if she wanted any help with something. She was determined to put some distance between them, no matter how much he tried to gain her attention and subtly tried to get her alone.

At least he hadn't demanded that she stay behind from lectures or that she had to report to his office after class. It was entirely possible for him to do that and quite within his rights as her Professor. But he hadn't. This again pushed Winter to believe he wasn't interested in her. Otherwise, he would use his position as her lecturer to his advantage to get her alone.