Winter in Cambridge

Chapter 8 - Professional?

Author Note

Accompanying song

LET YOU DOWN by Dawid Podsiadlo

Tom's fingers flexed in Winter's hair, tightening his hold on her as he took a deep breath, breathing in her intoxicating jasmine scent again before slowly letting his grip wane and his hand slip from her cheek. His words resonated in his head.

Tom couldn't do this.

He had wanted this, dreamt of this with Winter, but now it was within his grasp; he just couldn't go through with it, no matter how much it ached and pulled at his heart to give into his desires for her.

His guilt and resentment towards himself were too much to bear. He was being so selfish, not considering anyone else's feelings.

Tom couldn't cheat on Catherine, no matter how much he first thought he could or how tempting the woman before him was, as he felt her warm breath against his skin.

Tom felt riddled with the sour taste of guilt as it bubbled at the back of his throat, constricting it under the acidic burn and making it hard to breathe. Not only because he had wanted to have something more with Winter, not caring about hurting Catherine, but because he felt that he had led Winter on.

Here she was, locked in his office, to be precise, alone with him. The whole scenario reeked of secrecy, and he didn't want that with Winter. Not really. He never intended for this to happen and had let his own desires almost ruin everything.

If he wasn't married, if he wasn't Winter's Professor, things would be completely different. He knew he would pursue her to the ends of the earth just to have a taste of her if commitments weren't already in place. Just like he had with Catherine after they met. But Tom was also apprehensive about history repeating itself if he fell too quickly. Even though Winter was very different to Catherine, would she turn out the same?

Tom never wanted Winter to feel he was using her to fill some sick fantasy of his, which he was probably doing with her being his student, no matter how he tried to gloss over it.

It wasn't as though he hadn't been offered this opportunity before by other young women and men. But every time, he had turned them down gently, even before he was with Catherine. Tom had never crossed that boundary of professionalism.

That was until Winter.

Even if nothing more than a few gentle touches and flirty comments had passed between them, it was the furthest he had ever crossed that moral line of his position of trust as their mentor.

He'd never once had the urge to look at a student's social media pages or learn more about them just so he could see them more like he had with Winter. Letting his obsession with her overrule his logic had been stupid. Tom could see that now as reality faced him, punching him in the gut and gripping his throat tightly. The wedding ring on his finger was a constant reminder and one that he was starting to resent even more.

Tom also had to think about his career.

If this had gone any further, and it was to get out what they were doing, he would lose his job, financial security, everything. Even having his door locked with a student inside was a reckless move.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before he placed his free hand over hers on his chest.

Winter's fingers flexed as her fingertips dug into the material of his shirt for a moment, wanting to cling onto this for a little longer, like she was clinging onto a ledge, stopping herself from falling into the depths below, before she allowed him to gently pull her hand away from him and hold both her hands in his.