Avenoir

Avenoir - John

John

"She read the letter?" I swallow hard, still trying to wrap my head around what it is that Doc is saying. "When?"

"I don't really know," she shrugs. "But I do know it was before she fell pregnant. I was about to tell you that I had read it, that I knew how you felt about me when she announced that she was having your baby. And then, if you remember, we came here, to my office and I was trying to tell you that I found your letter and read it.  I was going to tell you that I love you too, but Karen Bader came by and told us that Kristen's pregnancy was very precarious, and any stress could cause her to lose the baby."

"So, you... you didn't tell me because of the baby?" I am still confused. I don't understand why Marlena would keep all of this from me. Marlena, of all people. We have a child together; she is Brady's mother in all but biology. We could have been together for months and yet she kept this huge secret. Why?

"I know how much you love your children," she says sadly. "And I knew how much Kristen wanted a baby. It seemed cruel and unfair to put that at risk to get what I wanted. At least, that was why at the beginning...."

"Oh." Suddenly it's as though things start slotting into place. John, she's not the person you think she is. She's a true DiMera.... She read the letter and then she hid it.... Do you love her? Because you didn't marry the mother of your last baby, if I recall rightly.... Please don't tell him! Don't tell John!... That can wait. The baby is more important. Uh... what are you doing in bed with my husband?... I do understand. I know exactly what's going on. I think it's time that you know what's going on.

"Oh, Doc," I search her beautiful face to find the truth of the facts that I am gleaning. The things she has not yet said, buried between the words that she has. "Are you saying that Kristen used the baby, the precariousness of the pregnancy to stop you telling me the truth?" I sense she is just about to walk away again, to try and avoid what could be a painful conversation, so I step forward and use my hands to frame her face. "Look at me baby," I say softly. "You've been living with us for months. It must have been hell on you not feeling like you could be honest. I need to understand why."

"She's manipulative," Marlena says breathlessly. "John, she's Stefano's daughter in every sense of the word, except blood. She used anything and everything to keep me from telling you. Every time I tried, she would have cramps.  I didn't know whether they were real or not.  Even if they were real, I think she probably exaggerated them.  And she even teamed up with S-..." she looks down, avoiding my eyes, suddenly stopping mid-sentence. "It doesn't matter. Not right now."

"It matters." My heart is pounding again. Everything is starting to make sense. Some horrible, warped, macabre sense. Kristen is Stefano's daughter. Stefano knew what plane Marlena would be on when he snatched her and took her to his fucking twisted underground haunt. When he kept her fucking caged like a beautiful, delicate, and exotic bird. When he tried to coerce her into giving him her body in return for her freedom.

That fucking animal. I could fucking kill him for everything he's put her through.

"She gave Stefano the information," I feel winded as the knowledge hits me full force. As my absolute stupidity hits me right between the eyes. "She told him which plane you would be on. She wanted to get rid of you because you were a threat. Because she knew that the moment I had the slightest clue how you felt about me, I would walk away from her."

"John I..." Tears tremble on the threshold of her lashes, magnifying the golden intensity of her gorgeous eyes. So full of emotion, compassion, and concern. "I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" I am once again astounded by her capacity for forgiveness, for magnanimity, for love. "Baby, it should be me apologizing. I've been such an idiot. Who else could have told Stefano what plane you would be on? How could I be so fucking blind?"

"You trusted her," she lifts her hand and touches her fingers to my cheek. "You loved her. Of course you believed the best of her."

"I loved you," I drop one hand from her face and push her bodily backward against the bathroom door. "I love you. I want you. You say she's a liar and a fraud, and I know you wouldn't lie, baby, so I'll annul that farce of a marriage." I nuzzle her face again and she moans. "Marlena, I can't... don't ask me to wait any longer. I want you. I've wanted you for so long." I snake my tongue out to taste her lips and she whimpers. "You're all I've ever wanted. Everything... everyone else. Kristen, Rebecca... even Isabella. It was only because I couldn't have you, baby. You know that, right?"

"Oh John," she digs her fingers through my hair. "Honey, I'm so sorry I pushed you away. After Roman..." I lean forward and press my lips against hers, not wanting to hear about Roman. Not wanting to remember how she chose him over me, again and again.

I push against her, sandwiching her between the door and my heated body. Now I understand, now I realize what she has suffered because I have been so blind to what Kristen was up to, I can't let her walk away. Even an hour without her is too long.

I still don't understand it all, but I trust Marlena implicitly and if she says Kristen is calculating and devious, then I believe her. And more than that, I feel the truth of what she is saying. It makes more sense than I would like it to. It explains so much, the sudden changes in behavior as I walk in the room. The strange way she would look at Marlena from time to time. Marlena's awkwardness around the two of us.

She whimpers against my mouth, and I take the opportunity to slide my tongue out and taste her lips. She's sugar and cream. Cherries, desire, and wanting. "Baby," I mumble against her pink, plump lips. "I don't want to wait."

"Oh God," she moans as she licks my lower lip, her hands pulling at my hair. "Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"I mean it," I move my pelvis against her, and she mewls into my mouth, the sound full of need and unquenched desire. "Fuck baby, I mean it so bad. I need you. I have waited for this for years. I can't wait any longer. I don't want ..." I nip her lower lip between my teeth and groan as I thrust my hips into her yielding softness. "Please don't say no," I beg her, my hands lifting the bottom of her t-shirt and finding the soft, warm skin of her waist. "Please. I've dreamed of this for so long. You're all I want Marlena. Only you, baby."

"Oh, John," she gasps, rolling her own hips against mine as I touch her. "Oh, God. I want you so much. But honey-"

I place my fingers against her lips. "No buts," I tell her. "Let me deal with the fall-out. Let me deal with whatever comes after this. This is what I want. I don't care what the implications are. What the complications are. I'm so afraid if I let you go right now, I will lose you forever. Do you understand that?"

"That's not going to happen," she curls her arms around my neck with a smile. "I'm yours. For as long as you want me."

"Forever baby," I slide my hands up her sides over her ribs. "I'll want you forever. Now lift up your arms for me."

"John," she starts.

"Shut up Marlena," I lean forward and slide my tongue into her mouth and kiss her soundly as I grind my hips into her, and she groans against my mouth.