Avenoir

Avenoir - Laura

Laura

"Laura, can you just leave it please?" I can tell Marlena is tired by the way her words are laced with acid. I mean, I know she's not always sweetness and light. If you cross Marlena, then woe-betide you. Her glare is enough to fell a person at ten paces. Well, unless you have absolutely no shame, like our friend, Kristen DiMera. Kristen seems to be immune to any kind of reproach, blithely ignoring the righteous indignation of those she has wronged.

But to her friends and loved ones, Marlena is usually the epitome of gentle kindness, even when she is frustrated and irritated.

"I'm just trying to help, honey," I tell her, my words full of all the love and concern I feel for her. Marlena is such a wonderful friend to everyone, and she so rarely asks for anything for herself. Much less the support and care that she needs and deserves. I sometimes wonder what happened in her childhood to make her push away the offers of help and care from those who love her the most.

It's maybe one of the reasons she's so dependent on John. Because, despite everything, she trusts him above everyone else. She feels like it's safe for her to be vulnerable with him in a way she can't seem to be with any of her friends or family. I wonder if she realizes that at all, about what the emotional intimacy between them signifies.

"I know you are," she sighs. "But you're not right now. I'm tired and you're not really helping at all."

"I just think if you talked to him, it would clear up your confusion about his feelings," I insist. "You might think this is a reach, but I think both of you are so busy trying to protect each other that you're missing what's so obviously right in front of your faces."

"Protect each other from what?" Marlena snaps.

"I don't know," I shrug, "why don't you tell me?" She glares at me, and I smile softly. "You're trying to protect him from feeling responsible for you. And he's trying to protect you from getting hurt again." I take her hands in mine. "And you're both trying to protect your own hearts. But it's not working, is it? Because you're in love with him and it hurts you every day that you can't hold him in your arms and tell him that. It breaks your heart that you have to watch him with Kristen. And I am certain it breaks his heart that he has you so close and yet he can't touch you and he can't kiss you the way he wants to."

"And I think you're so invested in this you're seeing things that aren't there," Marlena says archly as she pulls her hands out of mine. But I see the tears glittering in her eyes as she turns away from me. I have hit the nerve that she is trying so desperately to protect.

"I don't understand how you can say that, Marlena. The man kissed you. He stuck his tongue in your mouth, told you he thought he was dreaming of you, and then wrapped himself around you and if I know John, he practically swallowed you whole. And you immediately decide that means he's madly in love with Kristen?" I am frustrated with her refusal to pursue this.

I understand her fear, of course I do. She's been hurt so much. She's lost her baby and her twin sister. She's been loved and left by Don Craig and Roman Brady. She's been shunned by her family, and she's been stalked by a fixated madman (or three). She's been threatened, kidnapped, and lost five years with her family because of one of said madmen. And she lost John. When Roman came back, whatever way they tried to spin it, she was deeply in love with that man, but he walked away with Isabella while Roman took Marlena and the children back like they were possessions he owned. So, I see why she's terrified of making the first move. I really do.

But she knows how John feels about her now. Yes, he may have written that letter a year ago, but every time he so much as looks at her, the truth of his feelings is written all over his face. It's as plain as day to me and pretty much everyone else that knows them. So, she needs to be brave and just take the plunge. Right now, is the perfect opportunity to approach John with her real feelings. With the truth about Kristen. Delaying it because of the baby, because it will weigh too heavily on John's shoulders is bullshit. These excuses are simply Marlena avoiding the truth because she's too afraid that things will go wrong. If she doesn't tell him now, I fear she never will.

As I said, I can understand her reluctance to challenge the status quo. At least she has John in her life now, at least they are close, even if it's not the romantic relationship she really wants.

But that's not enough. It's not enough for her. She's a woman that was made to love. A woman who has an enormous heart and who will make the right man the luckiest man on the face of the earth. And the right man is John Black. I completely believe that. She will never get over him and he... like I said, it's clear to me and everyone else that he loves her. Hell, it's clear to Kristen, that much is obvious. I just don't understand why the two of them are so blind about it. If they would just open their eyes and stop letting their fear and sense of responsibility control them, they would see the truth and it would all become so very easy.

"I'm tired, Laura," Marlena waves off my comments. "I can't think about this anymore. Not today. I need to clear my head."

"I'll come with you," I offer. I don't want to let this go. She's so close. Maybe a little more of a nudge and I'll push her over the edge.

"Thank you but I'd rather be alone right now." Her tone is curt and brooks no argument and I feel a little hurt and frustrated, but I understand. Her better angel is at war with her heart, and she is struggling to find an answer that will satisfy her.

"Take care, honey," I say as I watch her take one last lingering look at the baby before she exhales deeply and sets off down the hallway.