State of Mind

Part Ten

As bruised and as battered as I was, as black and blue as my ass had turned, I felt good the next day.

I felt alive.

When the warm yellow rays of sun poured through Arizona's thin white curtains early the next morning, I woke up and immediately felt pain across my bottom. I winced as I attempted to sit up, but the pain was too much.

"How are you feeling?" Arizona was laying next to me on her side, her hair mussed up from sleep and her tank top twisted around messily. Her eyes were still half-lidded, her lips held a lazy smile, and she was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen.

My breath caught in my throat at the sight of her, even disheveled she was everything.

Normally, I slept in my own bedroom. This was the first night I'd slept in her room, in her bed, with her all night. She'd let me sleep in her bed and waking up to her felt like nothing I'd ever experienced before. The high it put me in was like no other; how could drugs ever compare to the feeling of her?

"I'm sore" I admit, lying back down on my back, the soft mattress feeling like a cloud underneath my bruised skin. "My ass hurts really badly" I can't help the slight whine in my voice, but if she cares she doesn't show it.

I almost miss the sleepy smirk that crosses her lips at my words.

"Good" she moves closer to me, rolling over to put her arm over me to pull my body into her. "I have something for the bruising and the pain. A cream and some Advil should help" she mumbles, her face buried in my shoulder. Her hair was golden, almost glowing in the sunlight as it laid across the crumpled white pillow.

"I really am sorry about last night" I say again, for the millionth time. The guilt doesn't eat at me anymore, not with the pulsing ache in my ass reminding me that I'd paid my dues. "I'm sorry about the club, not sorry about anything that happened after" I tack on, just so she knows I really did mean what I said.

"It's okay, love. It won't happen again I presume" it's not a question, more of an assumption, and it earns her a quick nod, my head falling back on the pillow.

"Good" she says, sighing contently. "Because I treasure you, and I'd find it hard to do that again. Seeing you sobbing, seeing you broken...it hurts me, Amelia. It has to be done so you know your place but I wouldn't be lying if I said every ounce of me had to resist the urge to coddle you" her voice has an air of sincerity to it, one I wasn't expecting.

She was so angry last night...angrier than I'd ever seen her. The cold silence had almost killed me, and if in those moments she pitied me, I never would've guessed.

"It's supposed to hurt" I confirm "and I was nervous I'll admit, at first. You don't really know how much your body can handle until you're forced to handle it" in a weird way, I'm proud of myself for how much I was able to successfully handle.

She had broken me, but I was not beyond repair. If anything, the aftermath of what she'd done had refreshed me in a way that I never could've expected.

"It is supposed to hurt" she confirms "but it's never supposed to be unbearable. I trust you'll tell me if anything ever becomes too much for you"

"Always"

~

Later that afternoon, Arizona had left for some business meetings and I'd been left to my own devices for a few hours.

Lazily, I lounged around and ate some snacks (mostly popcorn and M&M's) while I binge-watched some reality tv on Netflix. My brain needed a day off, and trashy tv was the best medicine.