Ordained

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Emmeline went down to breakfast with tiredness still clouding her vision. Not waiting for Cassius she drained her first cup of coffee before the servants had even fully set the table.

Was she early? Or were the servants expecting the residents of the house to lie in?

Checking the clock, she realised it must be the latter.

Eating her breakfast alone Emmeline lamented her hangover, reluctantly eating small mouthfuls as she battled the sense of nausea and acidic taste in her throat. She couldn't tell if the food was helping or making her feel worse, but she kept eating all the same.

After a solitary breakfast she took the paper with her to read it outside. The air was crisp which settled her stomach a little but not much. Wandering somewhat aimlessly through the walled garden, she found the glare off the white gravel too distracting. The soft lawns were a welcome reprieve as she sauntered through the grounds. The summer flower beds had been cleared, the various shrubs and bushes trimmed back neatly. Emmeline stared at them a little sadly as she made her way to one of her favourite benches. It wasn't too far from the manor, still clearly visible from inside.

Setting herself down she took in a deep breath, covering her eyes against the unreasonably bright sun. Last night really was fun. Cassius had fitted in with her friends seamlessly, laughing and bantering with them all like he had known them for years. Just as he had claimed to see a different side of her, she too had seen a different side to him.

Flashes of the night burned behind her eyelids; her roaring with amusement as he chased her in the gardens, sitting in a salon watching Atticus tell tall tales, dancing, gods so much dancing. Her soles ached pleasantly from dancing, she considered the sensation as she flexed her feet. A sudden image of her lips meeting Cassius' inside a carriage made her start. Pressing a hand over her mouth, her lips felt tender.

Eyes wide she glanced around like she had been caught doing something wrong. She hadn't. Gods no, she had. Groaning, she covered her eyes with her hands, slumping forward to rest her elbows on her knees, the paper forgotten at her side.

What had possessed her? Well the answer to that was obvious, alcohol.

Except... it hadn't just been the alcohol now had it?

Her mind raced over the snatches of memory, she couldn't remember all of it, but she could recall enough to know she was an idiot. Him pulling her tight against him, her taking a handful of his hair and tilting his head up to face her as she straddled his lap. She wanted to slap herself for being so stupid. How was she supposed to extricate herself from this situation now? She had no interest in being Cassius' mistress, because, let's be honest, that was the only role available to her. The position of wife was off limits, that much had been made clear over and over.

A loud bang made her shriek in surprise, jolting on the bench, she almost fell off in fright at the sudden sound. Another bang followed soon after and she felt herself relax, though her heart was still thundering in her chest.

So that's why he hadn't been at breakfast, Cassius and his father must be shooting. They did it often enough for her not to find it unusual, although why anyone would want to make such noise after a night of drinking, she didn't understand. Perhaps he was avoiding her? Was he just as embarrassed by her boldness as she was?

Closing her eyes once again, her brain replayed the pieces she could recall again. She wished she could push it away, but now that she had brought it to the front, her mind refused to think of anything else.

How embarrassing, how awful, she told herself over and over, hoping it would crush the small part of her that was devilishly pleased. 

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Author's Notes:

I'l just leave this here for you hahahaha.

Vote, comment, enjoy.

S x