Messy love | Matheo Riddle

25

CHAPTER 25

TW : - Self-ha*m, D*ath

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CHAPTER 25 - Letters.

"In this middle of my chaos, there was you"

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POV OF FEYRE AZURA

 My dearest Lorenzo,

I write as though you will one day respond eagerly to my endless letters.

But I know, I know it is not possible ever since you were named dead a month ago.

But this, this is the only thing that is closest to talking to you.

Writing letters to you reminds of vague memories—the moments under the towering trees, my head against your chest, where I shared my sorrows and you, in silent understanding, absorbed my words. Since you departed, life has become a purposeless chore, every day weighed down by guilt, remorse, and an unrelenting grief.

Existence feels like a cruel joke, Peanut, and I often question myself why I persist when I should be with you in the heavens. Death rejected me that night I tried to join you, casting me back into the desolation we call Earth.

By the window, I read to the indifferent moon, your name at times escaping my lips like a desperate plea.

"Peanut?"

"Lorenzo?"

"My love?"

Yet there is no answer. There never is.

Some Days I cry, some days I find myself too tired to do it. Without you, I don't feel like myself anymore, like a part of me missing. Guilt shadows my every breath, a constant reminder of living in a world where you no longer exist.

But I'm trying. Because I know if you were alive, you would want me to try.

Yours,

 swan.

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Dearest Peanut,

Two agonizing months have passed since your absence, and I find myself bewildered by how I've managed to endure without you.

Not a day goes by without you haunting my mind. Everything I see reminds me of you—It feels as though you are still here, yet impossibly distant. There is so much I want to say. Yet, nothing ever comes to mind except you.

I have not seen light or happiness ever since you left. I don't even know who I am. My darkest fears are erased, forming new ones—Happiness scares me more than anything else.

I don't know what day nor what time nor what hour this is. That was the first thing I lost when you left—time. Time ultimately collapsed for me—my days , weeks, months blending together, creating one endless and suffocating loop.

Light and happiness seemed to have departed along with you, leaving me in a perpetual state of darkness.

I've lost my track of time, my days merging into an endless and suffocating loop, erasing any sense of chronology.