Happy pill

10. Outside

I was near to my home street. I should hurry, it's 9:54pm. I didn't mind the cold air, because all I thought was Mike. That motherfucker. When I think about him, I feel more warm inside. My heart beats for him. But i'm still not sure is it good thing that Mike loves me back. I mean... I always fuck everything up. It's difficult for me to trust in people. But I think I can trust Mike. He seems to be loyal.

Finally I saw my house. I can't call that place home. There came light from the windows. Damn it, they're still awake. I sighed, ready for the yelling that I can't do anything right.

I stepped in and my mom walked to watch me. I stopped and watched at her, waiting she would say something. But she just stared. Minute later she said "Someone's in troubles" and then she walked away.

What she meant? I glanced at the clock and it was 10.05pm. Oh come on! Can't be that bad, I'm only five minutes late!

I heard my dad walking, and I crossed my arms, sighing deeply. When I saw him, he was extremely drunk. Haven't seen him in that drunk earlier. He walked front of me, and slapped my face. Not even hard. It hardly even hurt. I blinked my eyes and watched my dad. He's too drunk to hurt me.

"You are...... Late. Late. Chester. Late" he mumbled. "And.. You were... Bitch, drunk. No fucker" he continued.

"Of course dad. And you're drunk. Very drunk" I said and pushed him little and walked away, to my room.

I stroked my face, wondering how drunk he was. I kept my jacket on, and opened window. I climbed straight to roof. I walked on the roof, and sat down, leaning on the chimney. I watched the stars.

I realized I missed Mike. I seriously missed him. His warm arms around me. I closed my eyes, trying to repeat that long hug.

I searched for my cigarettes, lighting one of them. I dragged the smoke into my lungs, blowing it out and watching it how it flew up in the air.

Cigarettes, darkness and singing always comforts me, and makes me feel better. So I decided to start singing one of the songs I love.

"Someone left the door open
Who left me outside?
I'm bent, I'm not broken
Come live in my life
All the words left unspoken
Are the pages I write
On my knees, and I'm hoping
That someone holds me tonight
Hold me tonight

Welcome to the world and all the landing that was wasted
The blood upon your hands and the wickedness that made it
Sing or scream it all and the memories keep fading
See the exit wound, dear God, what have we taken?
Guess I'll say a prayer and I'll kiss into the air
I'll look into the sky, send em straight to nowhere
We all dug the grave can't shake away the shame
Can't quiver in the sky but you're shaking all the same
You left us with the guns and all of em unloaded
Teach us how to shoot but you taught us how to hold em
And all the weight of all the world is right between your shoulders
Heavy is the heart when the world keeps growing colder

Who left the door open?
Who left me outside?
I'm on my knees, and I'm hoping
That someone holds me tonight
Hold me tonight

Two sides to every story, here's a little morning glory
Breakfast of a mirror, dying slow, seems a little boring
Burning like a flag, walking straight into the breeze
Cause there's two types of people, you are weak or you are mean
Yeah what's another lifetime? Like mine?
We all die a little sometimes, it's alright
Did you come to say your goodbyes to this life?
We all hurt a little sometimes, we're alright
So mothers hold your children don't you ever let em go
There is weakness in your grip and they are holding all our hopes
Don't you ever let me go (don't you ever let me go)
Don't you ever let me go (don't you ever let me go)