Happy pill

1. Beginning

A tough feeling in my chest, I walked in a hallway of hell, aka my school. In the hall were lot of people. I felt embarrased and alone. I hate feeling alone. I hate to be lonely. No matter how hard I try, I always ruin my friendships. I feel lost and confused. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm bad at school. I can't do anything right. I try my best, but I just can't. I feel worthless. And invisible. No one sees me. I'm like air to the people. 

A random person walked over me what caused me to drop my books on the floor. I sigh and watch my books, hearing that guy laughing and saying "Loser". I picked up my books and quickly walked to my locker. 

I was wearing very skinny black jeans, with over sized black hoodie. Almost all my clothes are black. My hair is blonde, spiked up. I have one lipring, and stretched ears. I use lot of bracelets in my hands and chains in my jeans. My backbag, covered with punk badges. 

My locker, what is covered with words "Fag" "Emo" "Loser" "Whore" and many many others. I don't know what I did wrong, why people does this to me?

I took my biology books and walked to the class. I hate biology. I sat on the fifth row, back seat, I put my headphones in my ears. Everyone else sat down, but not even near at me. No one even glanced at me. 

And there he was. My crush. My love. A handsome young man, with soft black hair and beard, over sized jeans and black t shirt. Mike Shinoda. We have talked once, and that was when he asked "Where the fuck is biology class?". But after that, nothing. 

He never notices me. I think he doesn't even know I exist anymore. Well, he's talented and has lot of friends, such a chick magnet. I wish he was gay but I think he's straight, because I have never seen him with a guy. All the girls are running after him. And i'm just a worthless fuck up, why would he want me?

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Lunch break. The only time in school I actually like. I never eat at school, but I can be alone, out of the sight. When i'm literally alone, feeling alone doesn't feel that baf. Lunch break is the time when I can forget the other people, and their evil looks. 

In my school, there is three floors. In the third floor's, there's only one class and other rooms are just storages. There is never people. I walked the stairs up, to the third floor. I went to the hall's back and sat down. Here literally is no one, just me. 

I put hand to my pants pocket, finding the little sack of pills. I took two of them, throwing them to my mouth. I put the sack back to my pocket, and opened my backbag. My water bottle was there, just for the moments like now. I drank some water and swallowed the drugs. 

I pulled my hood deep to my head, closed my eyes and hugged my knees. I was listening to music and I hummed quietly. Music is my escape. Well, music, drugs and self harm are my escapes. I don't have anything else. 

But soon I have to leave to my next lesson, math. I walked to the first floor, again collected the evil looks and smirks. I just didn't give a fuck about them. I don't give a fuck about other people. My stomach screamed for food. I couldn't eat. I just can't. I will throw up. 

I threw my back bag to my desk, the usual desk, in the fifth row, the corner. I buried my face to it. I didn't have my book with me. I always "forget" it. 

The teacher came in and told us to show our homeworks. When she came front of me, I just stayed quiet.