Actor, 𝕭𝖆𝖓𝖌 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓

22 ; Actor

Busan was great. I really liked it, despite last weeks mishaps. I was expecting the bad ending of that week ruin my mood for this week, but Busan's atmosphere was bright and I was enjoying my time. It had been a week already down in the southern city, and my mood was lifted quickly. 

I was on set in a different place every day, and So-Joon was here on set too. In our free time, we explored Busan and visited many different places. I ended up posting on Instagram at this small aquarium and sanctuary for sharks. I was getting significantly closer to So-Joon, he was becoming my best friend with every passing day, and I found myself confiding with him more and more.

I was also getting closer to Ha Ji-won, since she was on set nearly everyday now. She was actually very sweet, and motherly, and she was always giving me advice, and buying me ice-creams after trying scenes which required a lot of takes and energy. She was great to work with, and I was also finding myself looking for her after scenes to chat with her. She was still to busy to come and eat out with us after wrapping up.

"So, should we eat here Korain-ah?" So-Joon suggested, and he was looking at the menu of a sweet looking café on the corner of a street.

Today, we had been filming a falling out scene between my character and So-Joon's character. It was a very sad scene surprisingly, and I had got so much into the emotion that I ended up crying during the scene. I thought the director might stop the scene but instead nothing was said, and the two of us continued with the scene, pouring all of our emotion into it. Due to my sudden crying, I was praised for it by the director, he had liked the emotion I emitted. Yet, it also meant I had to cry every different take for the scene. I was drained by the end of that scene alone.

I followed So-Joon into the café, and the inside was smelling like every dessert under the sun. It was heavenly, and I was suddenly excited for some food and to eat some cake if possible. I noticed that So-Joon was wearing some black trainers, his feet lightly swinging close to my legs. I don't know why, but it reminded me of the Friday. The Friday that was so delightful then turned dreary. It reminded me of Chan.

"By the way, you did really good today, I was surprised when you started crying." So-Joon said as he placed his phone down and we waited for someone to come over to take our order.

"Really? Were you?" I chuckled, "I thought they might've ended the take but apparently not."

"I think the crying made it more real." So-Joon replied nonchalantly, and finally someone came over to us. I ordered a strawberry cake slice and a milkshake.

"I'm glad it over though, I was getting tired." I said as we waited for our desserts to come out.

"How do you just cry like that?" So-Joon asked and I chuckled, I don't even know where it came from. 

"I don't know. I was just feeling the emotion I guess." I replied with a shrug, and So-Joon nodded.

Our food came out, Joonie-hyung got a slice of chocolate cake and some water and I was staring at my strawberry cake slice and milkshake before I took a photo of them. I used a fork to separate a corner of the cake off and put it in my mouth, immediate delight and heaven swirling around on my tongue. I nodded to show So-Joon how delicious it was.

"How was your weekend? You were excited for something last time I saw you." So-Joon reminded me of the dreadful weekend where I somehow fucked everything up.

Thinking of the Friday, after Chan had left me in the car park, I had no choice but to drive myself home. I did so, in silence, all I could do was think about where it went wrong. I knew what went wrong, Chan was thinking to much about his feelings. Everything we had to cautious about, everything that could go wrong, for all I know his first relationship, and the age gap e had a problem with...all of it was circling his mind again. But why was it suddenly running through his mind when we had such a good time?

I messaged him when I reached home, but I never got any reply. It was like we had never met. My messages were unanswered, and I never tried to reach him, hoping that he would text me whenever he's ready.  I apologised over text since seeing him in person was impossible since I had to leave for Busan. I wasn't even sure if he was receiving my messages anymore. I had no options, no way to reach him so all I could was give him space. 

Let him get his thoughts together, and hopefully he can give me some sort of explanation, although I was sure I would forgive him for anything. I sighed at the shit show I had created with my naïve feelings.

"Korain? Hey, you okay?" I snapped at the clicking fingers in front of my face, "You spaced out."

"Can I ask you something hyung?" I asked him after I sipped on my milkshake, he nodded with a calming smile. I know I can trust him, and I can trust his advice.

I thought about how to work my problem to him without revealing to much to him. As much as I consider So-Joon my best friend, I didn't want to out myself and mention Chan either. It would only cause unnecessary stress for the both of us, and it would also include So-Joon personally into all my problems. I couldn't do that to him either.

"If you have a friend who had some worries about being seen with you because your famous, and they kind of stop talking to you, how would you handle that hyung?" I asked him, the basis of my worries said.

"Has this happened to you?" He asked but he knew I wasn't going to confirm, which in itself confirmed my problems, "Well, if I really want to be their friend, then I would try and reassure them, but I also wouldn't let them run away."

"Reassure them how?" I asked quickly, this part clearly I had been struggling with. Everything I said to Chan to reassure him was true, but my words never seemed to reach him like I had hoped they would.

"I don't know. You have to give back to them, show them that being friends is worth it." So-Joon announced and I nodded. I had to do more than just take him out for food. I can't rush things with him.

"I should talk to him then, but I cant get through to him." I said to So-Joon hoping he can help more with the non-talking Chan is putting me through.

"Reassure him in person, then he can't run again." Hyung said, and I nodded. Chan had ran from me last time, and I let him because I was scared too, and I was sure everything was fine until he pushed me away.

"But what if he wants to run away? Like he really doesnt want to be friend again?"

"Then convince him, show him that being your friend is everything he's missing in his life Korain-ah." So-Joon announced and all I could do was nod.

His advice had helped, my mind was back on line, and I knew that I needed to get through to Chan, and properly this time. Make him believe my words for definite and show that this relationship wasn't a trap, it wasn't to stress him out. The next time, I would make sure he feels loved, heard and seen, and that his worries weren't his alone. I just needed an idea, a way to see him privately when I'm finished in Busan.

* Sorry for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors! Enjoy!