Was he ever Mine? (Completed)

what are the real feelings?

Khaothung pov:
(Present time)

The way first said no I was really sure that something happened last night.
I got up from my bed and went to freshen up
After a while i went out to look what people were upto...
When I came outside the room, everyone looked at me for few seconds and then the whole house was acting normal like nothing happened, they thought I won't notice that they were acting too normal that I was now 100% sure something happened last night

everyone was packing up their luggage to leave
(they were just here for 1 day trip)
So i decided to pack mine too, i thought I'll talk to First when we're alone in the car while going back

" khao are u ready to leave?" i looked up to meet P'Tay smiling at me
"Yea I'm done, I'm waiting for First when he is ready we'll leave"
But what P'Tay said next made my stomach roll...
"He left..."he paused before continuing "he didn't informed u?"
My smile dropped
"No p he must be here somewhere u must have misunderstood"
I was not convincing P'Tay but I was convincing myself that he won't leave me alone here and leave without informing me
I got up from my seat to go out to look for him
"He told me to drop u home, he went alone he had a work"
He said making me freeze P's words stabbed my heart million time.
more than his rejection, him leaving me behind was hurting me more.
He never left me behind no matter how much work he had or how much late he was running, he always made sure I was not left behind and now he just left me...
I came back inside the room and took my luggage "let's go" I said with a dead smile while P'Tay return me one

I tugged my luggage inside the car and sat behind alone..
i was still not convinced that he left me alone behind. I was not angry but I was scared that what came out of my mouth that made him act like this...
I looked at P'Tay before asking him
"What happened yesterday?" My question made both P'Tay and P'New look at eachother
"Before u answer, plz don't lie to me i know something did happened, so just tell me what was it" i continued
P'Tay took a deep breath before speaking
"We can't tell u, we don't have any the rights, u have to ask First about it"
"Do u guys know everything?"
They just nodded to my question
I went silent the fact that now everyone who was present knew made me curious more about what I did..

After reaching home I got all my luggage out and was about to leave inside the building
"Khao.."i turned around due to P'New's voice
I came near his window to ask him what the matter was
He looked at me and smiled
"Whatever happens don't give up on what your trying..."
I just signed to his statement I knew what he meant
"P'New it's not fair to him, he doesn't like me and i can't force him"
"Khao... DON'T GIVE UP" this time P'Tay repeated the words
I knew they knew something otherwise they would have warned me not to chase First if he doesn't like me
I knew they were hinting something
I just nodded towards them with a smile
As I headed inside

I pushed my luggage at the side and plopped on the bed with my head facing the ceiling as I was trying to remember what really happened last night
I just remember First leaving the room

After a while I gave up on trying and start arranging my stuff from my luggage
As I took out a pile of clothes a book fell from it with a pen already inside it
I picked up the book their was something written on the page the pen was and the words written inside made me question why I wrote them
I closed my eyes trying to picture the scenerio that took place yesterday

Flashback
My blurry vision had seen First leaving the room
his words "Tomorrow you won't even remember this but I'll be dying inside knowing that somewhere I just confessed to you but it was not even important for u to remember"
I have to remember this i have to do something
I started thinking what i could do that will make me remember this tomorrow morning
I found my book on the table near the bed I opened a page and wrote something i moved my hands softly on the words that i wrote and smiled i kept the pen still inside the book so that when I open it the page where i had written will open
Flashback ends

'HE LOVES ME it's worth remembering'

As I looked at the words it hit me that if First actually likes me what was stopping him and if he don't then why I wrote this?I needed my answer asap i couldn't wait anymore
I picked up my car keys and went to find the answer to my question

At firsts place

I knocked on the door and he didn't opened i already had the duplicate keys of his house (as I was a regular visitor)so i opened the door and went in
The luggage was still there packed.
I went inside the room only to find the person who gave me sleepless nights sleeping...
I went inside as i looked at him a smile formed on my face, after a long time.
i removed the hair on his face before saying

"I'm still waiting to hear your feelings, fir...."

Tbc.
Author's note:
The last line made me think of akkayan scene
"I'm still waiting to hear your feelings
Don't die yet bigfoot 😋"