Was he ever Mine? (Completed)

not letting go

No ones pov:
First got up after few hours.he looked beside him to find khao sleeping peacefully he got up from his place and went on the khao's side bending downward, he was about to stroke the head of the person but a hand grab his hand

Khao pov:

"What are u doing First?" i opened my eyes to find khao already close to me
My question panicked him
"Ah-h what are u doing here?"
I signed and got up from the bed
"I wanna talk to u"
"About what?"
I just smiled at him
"But before that lets eat I've cooked food"
I went inside the kitchen to heat the food that i prepared while First was sleeping

As we were done eating I washed the utensils and went out
"What did u wanna talk about?"
"What happened last night"
"I told u nothing"
I picked the book i brought with me and showed it to him he was confused
"What is this?"I asked him
"It's your book khao"
"I wrote something on the last page"
He read the words and looked at me
I continued "i wrote this last night"
"How would I know why you wrote it" he said that while placing the book on tha table while trying to escape inside the room
"You like me right?"
He paused, I went towards him and turned him around i could clearly see panic in his eyes
It was the moment I knew i won
"You like me" I repeated but this time with a bright smile while hugging him he didn't hugged me back which made me realise the war was not over
I broke the hug when he said
"It doesn't matter"
I looked at him
"How does it not matters? Ofc it matters I was dying to know how u feel and now u are saying it doesn't matter do u know how i fee-"
"DO U KNOW HOW I FEEL?" He shouted making me flinch
"Does anyone knows how i feel?"
This time his tone soften
"I want to know how u feel First, tell me how u feel"
He sat down on the chair that was behind him
"Yea I do like u infact I love u for past 1 year now but why do u think I never said anything? because I don't want this I don't want any if this, i don't wanna date anyone, i don't want any type of relationship do you hear me?"
He said that while trying his best to hold his tears
I sat down on the floor near his feet
"And will u tell me why?"
"I can't" he said that more like a whisper
"Don't u think I have the right to know why u don't want me when u actually love me?"
He stayed silent I knew it was messed up already so I just got up to leave
I felt a hand grabbing my hoodie
I turned around sitting again in the same position I was before
"P'Mess" he whispered
I was confused his relationship with him ended 2 years ago so what was he saying P'Mess was the problem
"Do u still have feelings for him somewhere?"
He moves his head left and right saying no
"Then?"
"I don't want things to end up like it did with him, even though I don't like him his every word still ring in my ears.
I don't want things to end up like that with u I don't want u to think the same like he did after our break up "
He said the last sentence looking in my eyes
"it won't happen i promise u and who said I will breakup with u ?"
He stood up from his place
"khao, u don't understand I'm not ready for the pain one more time. do u think it was easy for me to move on? while everyone told me it will eventually get better, it was getting worse but no one noticed what I was hiding behind the smile but I knew.. i knew how much I cried every night begging God to end this pain"
I was shocked that fact that i never knew he felt that way after his breakup made me think did i even knew him?
"Khao remember how I used to say it didn't mattered that P'Mess had a girlfriend now but it used to hurt me seeing all the importance I used to beg for someone was getting it for free he was my first love khao it's already been 2 years I moved on I fell in love with u but i know my faith won't change if a person who knew me for 7 years had his feelings changed with in a year of dating me your feelings will also eventually change And it will be less painful to see u happy with someone who actually deserves u then seeing you suffering everyday with me"
He came close to me and wiped the
Tears i didn't notice that were flowing from my eyes
"U deserve so much more than this shit"
I looked at him in his eyes before cupping his face
"I love u i don't care about anything.
I said I'll be with u in every path of your life, that includes the sad one too"
"What about your mom? do u think she will be ok with this? She'll hate me and weren't u straight u said u liked girls and now if u tell her u like me she'll think i manipulated u, the whole world will think i seduced u"
I gently hit his head
"Are u crazy? do u even know my mom? the last time I visited her u know what she told me?"
"I think u love first, this were her words I was myself shocked but i didn't reacted much thinking she was just teasing me"
I could see his shock expression which made me smile before continuing
"and when I was leaving she told me don't come home if next time u don't bring First with u,
She loves u more than she loves me"

I could see he was thinking something
"Still khao, we can't do this"
"Is it about your parents? I will talk to them first, i promise"
"It's about our career khao, we are not allowed to date I don't wanna end up like ohmnanon"

Ohmnanon?i was confused
"What happened between them?"
"They fell in love and when the heads got the information they were separated and told to breakup and stay away from eachother ohm called me the other day that's when I asked him i don't wanna end up like that"
"We can hide it just like earthmix did and if ur scared that the heads will get the information i promise u I will handle it i won't let them ruin your career I'll take the responsibil-
I was cut off when a hand grabbed me in its embrace I was shocked but then the hug made me forget all the stress
I hugged him tightly but his next words scared me
"Sorry khao, but I'm not scared of my career I'm scared of yours and I won't let u get ruined because of me"
He said that while trying to break the hug but i didn't let him
I kept hugging him
"Khao let go" he whispered
"No... it feels good like this don't go"
"Thats why I'm telling u, let me go"
He tried his best to loose my grip

"Now that I know u like me I'm not letting u go"

Tbc.

Author's note
If you'll are confused
First's first love was not successful that's why he is scared to fall in love again
And as his character is shown an overthinker he is always 10 steps forward into thinking what bad things can happen after dating khao even though it might not happen in reality

Author don't like peace i like problems that's why they are still not together 😭