Was he ever Mine? (Completed)

your World is my World

"I read it First" I saw his expression changed "and?" I was so confused with his question "and what? ik u love me and I do too, so I'm here to take u back
"I'm not coming, so go back" he said facing me and then turning to leave.
i hold on to his hands before looking at him with a pleading eyes. he turned around looking here and there, maybe making sure no one was eyeing us.
he removed my hands, which was holding his leave "khao, don't make it hard for me" he said and left inside leaving me behind
I knew he won't agree easily but i didn't thought it would be this hard
I was freezed on my place, when i felt a hand on my shoulder. i looked towards the person "John?"
" He will go home at 8 in the night u can come back at that time"
I moved my head left and right indicating my ans was no "will it be a problem if i sit here?" he smiled at me "no, it won't be a problem to the hotel but it would be for u. if someone recognised u here, it will cause a problem for u"
"Don't worry about that but I'm not leaving without him" he looked at me giving a tap on my shoulder 'as u wish, call me if u want anything I'm on the counter"
I nodded my head in agreement while sitting on a chair in the corner
I was wearing a hoodie a thick jacket on top with cap and mask i checked my watch it was 1 in the afternoon more 7 hours to go
I sat down and scrolled through my phone

"Here have it" i looked up at John
" ohh it's ok"
"it's not form me, I was the middle man here"  i understood what he was talking about, i smiled at him before accepting the food from his hands John sat beside me "what if he won't agree to leave?"
I looked at him and then smiled
"U told me u were tired hearing about me, what did that mean?"
He scoffed jokingly "First always denied he love someone whenever we asked him" he paused and looked towards me "but whenever he talk about being Happy or memorable moments in Thailand somehow u were always in his talks" his words made my heart beat fast i smiled at him while looking infront and leaning back "u guys really do love each other" I didn't looked at him this time but i closed my eyes while releasing a deep breath before answering "alot" i didn't knew his reaction but I was sure he was smiling i could feel him standing up "u know u can book a room here right? rather than sitting here" I opened my eyes and looked at him "First will ran away if i went inside the room tell him I'm not leaving anywhere"
He laughed at my statement "u guys really do know eachother alot" he said
while leaving

It was 8:10, I saw First coming out wearing a mask on his face because no one can recognise him here, I assumed
"First" he didn't even glance at me and walked out "First.." i kept following him i grabbed his hands turning him around
"First, I seriously wanna talk can u plz talk to me and clear things"
He looked here and there before telling me to follow him
I did as he instructed, we ended up in front of a building i assume it was where he lived all this years
As i entered the condo it wasn't small but not too big "u live here alone?"
"None of your business" he said removing his bag and facing me "speak" he continued
"First, what's wrong talk it out. u wrote in your dairy u loved me but now that I'm here your throwing me away"
"Khaothung,  first the dairy wasn't meant for u to read you invaded my personal spa-"
"That means, i would have never knew you love me and i would have lived all my life thinking u moved on"
"That's what it was ment for u to know not this" he shouted, trying his best to not lose his patience
"Why do u want to keep me in the dark?" i tried to match his energy
"Because- because"
"See no answer, come on First do u even know what your doing?"
"I know what I'm doing clearly and this is for us "
"No it's not" i shouted causing him to flinch "no it's not" i lowered my voice trying not to scare him or cause a fight
I walked towards him holding his hands in mine "this is good for us, being together is good for us. u Dont know how much I thought about u all this years and i know, i know u did too so stop lying plz"
I pleaded him, he broke down I saw him trying his best to calm himself which was hard for him so i pulled him causing his head to rest on my shoulders while my hands calming him by moving on his back
"I love u First, i really do i know you ran away for me, i know what your going through and I'm sorry all this years you have go through it alone, I'm sorry I wasn't here for u when i should have but now, i promise you I'm not leaving you alone. I'm with you until death drifts us apart "
He listened to my words calmly without hugging me back he broke the hug while wiping his tears with both his hands
"Khaothung, u deserve the world u deserve love, u deserve care, u deserve everything and" his voice broke "and I can't give u that. do u understand I'm not the one" I moved my head left walking towards him and cupping his face "your the one and my world,
love, care and everything u can give m-"
"No..no i- I can't-  I'm not right,
being with me is difficult, problematic and risky. do u understand? the only thing I can give u is sadness"
"I'm fine" I replied looking in his eyes "I'm fine with the sadness as long as I have u. if its problematic then ur my problem and I'm ready to handle it, for me being with u is as difficult as breathing, I'm ready to take any risk if it allows me to be with u and i don't care about anything, I'm in love with, your insecurity makes u think you aren't perfect but for me" i cupped his face with my hands "for me your perfect, infact your the best thing that happened to me, I love u and I'll always do, do u understand?"
He was just looking at me with tears rolling down from his eyes
"I know what your doing on your hands" i said pulling his hoodie up exposing his hands "and I'm mad not because you did this but I'm at myself because i wasn't there for u when u needed me, that u have to take this big step, I left u no option and I'm really sorry for that but I'm not letting this happen again, now I'm here for u in every step of your life, i promise you i won't leave u alone."
"Khaothung you have your own life stop wasting it on someon-"
"You are not someone, your are First and i think everyone who knows us know that how important First is for khaothung , u can't call yourself someone..And to answer your statement I'm not wasting my time, I'm trying to bring colours in my life and it only exists when I'm with u are u understanding? I'm nothing without u"
He stared at my face without stating a word, he removed my hands from his and went inside a room closing the door
I ran behind him but it was late he had already closed the door before i could enter
I knocked on the door twice "First, take your time love, but remember one thing, I'm not leaving unless i hear a real reason why u don't want me in your life, till then I'm sitting here."
I knew the response won't come and i didn't forced it....

Tbc

Author's note
I thought it will get over today but it didn't but i think it will end by tomorrow

I swear to god this story looked nice in my brain but it didn't came out that good 😭
I've thought of more stories I'll see which one I'll make after this So follow me to know the update
If any mistakes sorry, it's author's first time
Thanks for reading 🤍