The thought of giving you my writings makes me shiver,
I am very naked in it,
very raw—
I have never shaken like this my whole life.
The golden leaf attached outside my window,
I wonder,
does it know about my sorrow?
I wonder if it is an omen
because it is golden,
could it mean something?
I wiped the dust in the window
using my delicate hand,
I clearly saw the golden leaf,
and now I know
that it is better to feel than not to feel.
My friend,
he is a golden leaf.
We have been very close for one year and three months—
and I love him.
He always looks out for me,
yesternight,
I saw him outside my window,
and now I know
that it is better to feel than not to feel.
My friend,
he is a golden leaf.
We have been very close for one year and three months—
and I love him.
He always looks out for me,
yesternight,
I did not see him outside my window
because we had a fight about something.
My friend,
he is a golden leaf.
We were very close for one year and three months—
and I love him.
He does not always look out for me,
yesternight,
I did not see him outside my window,
I missed him this one week we had a fight about something.
But he does not miss me,
he told me,
"I do not want to be your friend anymore."
And now I know
that it is better not to feel than to feel.
But for someone like me,
the golden leaf is still my friend,
even if he does not want to be my friend anymore.
We were very close for one year and three months,
it felt like eternity—
and I love him
even if he does not want to be my friend anymore—
I still love him.
And now I know
that it is better to feel than to not feel.
I missed you that one week we had a fight about something,
I missed you very much deeply.
That
I was thinking of saying I love you to you
and smiling at you when I meet your eyes again—
I almost did—
I almost said I love you,
I almost said I miss you,
but keep holding back;
I keep changing my mind,
I feel my heart beats fast—
I just can’t.
At some point,
I think the golden leaf is too good to be my friend.
Whenever I see how he talks,
whenever I hear his words,
his words are like flowers
in my frail stone heart,
growing from within;
I can’t speak and I can’t talk,
and he can—
he is not afraid—
I am afraid.
Someone I adore wants to talk to him
and nobody talks to me,
maybe it is because of me why I lost him.
I adored the golden leaf before he became my friend,
now he is not my friend anymore,
and I still adore him.
. . . I count numbers,
he does not.
I must admit,
I saw the golden leaf in my future
because we were very close for one year and three months,
I thought we were going to last—
I thought he was going to stay—
and I love him,
now I know he will not be in my future.
My friend,
he is a golden leaf.
We have been very close for one year and three months—
and I love him.
He always looks out for me,
tonight,
I saw him outside my window,
the wind was blowing him too hard
yet he was still there staying, holding onto the window, attached—
and now I know
that it is better to feel than not to feel.
He was a real friend,
and it was a real friendship,
at least for me;
it aches,
I thought he did not know me at all,
it turns out I do not know him at all too.
My heart hurts because of you,
you really do know how to wound me;
whenever I see you,
I cannot help but think I miss you.
I cried that one whole week we had a fight about something—
and now you are forever gone,
I guess I will forever cry.
Who would have thought we'd end like this?
This whole week,
I have been thinking about you,
I cannot seem to think without you in my mind;
I cursed you in my mind and in my lips a thousand times
while my whole face is filled with tears—
and yet
if I had the chance to turn back time
and change the part where you entered my life,
I know I will not.
Because I do not ever regret meeting you
even though you hurt me so much you left a huge scar in my heart—
I tried to sew it,
it just continued bleeding.
Even now,
my heart swells in pain
and I have been crying this whole week because of you.
While walking home alone,
while looking up at the star on the right
and the half moon on the left.
It is just agonizing you know,
seeing you very fine and happy without me,
perhaps I did not really matter for you at all.
I hope I do not care,
but I care too much.
Every time I see you say something,
I cannot help but hold my heart and feel my heartbeat,
beating loudly.
For the peace,
and for my heart,
I will try not to care every time I see you say,
saying something,
talking to everyone
like I was not there.
