BETA LANCASTER

PART 35 - EVERYTHING

HARPER

Huffing to myself, I throw the pot of facial moisturising cream in the bathroom bin that my Aunt Astrid sent me to try to reduce my scarring, but nothing works. I knew it was going to be a waste of time after her visit last week failed to show any results to improve my face. If a healer witch can't fix me, nothing can. That bitch didn't lie when she said that the damage can't be undone. My aunt Astrid believes the silver metal claws that Ella wore to cut up my face must have been dipped in Jimson weed and that's why nothing can heal me. I'm Irrevocably damaged. The bottom line is, I must live with this new face for the rest of my life.

Leaning over the bathroom sink I stare at myself in the mirror yet again, my eyes follow the huge scar that runs right down the right-hand side of my face and another scar from under my lower lip to my neck. I try my best to hold back my tears, but some days are harder than others to look in the mirror.

Today is a bad day.

It's been three weeks since my attack and life has changed somewhat since the disastrous night of the Lancaster ball. I guess my body has healed apart from my disfigured face however the mental damage feels like it will never be repaired. In truth, the attack has torn all my confidence away and I've barely left our little lakeside cabin since I was discharged. I haven't even been able to face going back to work or visit the pack house. I just want to be home with Taylor, I feel anxious these days when he's not nearby and I can't bear being alone.

As big fat tears run down my cheeks, I push my long golden locks to the side of my face to try and style it so it hides the damaged cheek but it's impossible to hide. Gripping onto the sink, I close my eyes and try to calm my growing anxiety.

Come on Harper. What we need is a new list. Standing up straight I start to try and count in my head positives to try and counter this total clusterfuck of a situation.

Ok, ok, deep breaths. Here we go...

I guess at least I'm back home now and not in that fucking healer's ward, thats one good positive thing that's for sure. There was a time that I hated this little cabin down by the lake, I even thought it was beneath me. Now I crave for its solitude and warmth. I love the feel of the craftsmanship of the woodwork in the kitchen or sitting out on the porch and watching the mist over the lake on an early morning with a cup of coffee. It's beautiful here. It truly feels like my home.

Second on my list; I'm back talking with my sister. That's a big one, huge in fact. I don't think we've missed even a single day not speaking over the phone since she went back to Red River with the rest of my family. It almost feels like there wasn't even a break in our relationship. Beyond all the odds it's like we've just picked up from where we left off before the jealousy, fighting and the heartbreak messed it all up.

Ok, this might not be so bad. I try and tell myself as I re-style my hair back to how it usually sits and slowly release a slow shaky breaking as I look over myself yet again.

Three.

I get to shop online for baby clothes for my niece, her wardrobe is going to be spectacular. I'm fully determined that she is going to dress like her aunt and not her mama if I can help it. After all, there are other outfits than black and grey sportswear Avery-Hope!

Ok, this is good, it's a good list. Let's keep going Harper, think, what's number four...

Jenson.

Jenson leaving has left me feeling a little mixed in all honesty. In one way, I'm happy he's not around to put a wedge between Taylor and me anymore... I guess it makes things simpler that he's left but... I hate that he left. This is home, his pack, his family.