EYES LIKE THAT (Shubman Gill X Ishan Kishan)

f r i e n d s

Ishan closes his eyes, lets himself drown in the hurt, wallow in it. Retort, a voice screams in the back of his brain. Hurt him back.

"Maybe I should find someone who thinks I look good doing both." His voice dripped venom, and he turns away and leaves the ground. Wills himself every step of the way to not look back.

They were not meant to be.
To Ishan, it had always been about how the idea of two boys together horrified people in India. To him, there had been no other reason of why they shouldn't be together. Shubman had always been kind to him, generous to his faults. He was a genuinely sweet person, to everyone. Always flashing smiles and dimples.

But how could he be with someone who had not given him a chance to explain himself, someone who had thought the worst of him?

--------

"We're not shifting again," Shreyas' tone was irritated but calm.

"NHI, YE MAZAK SAMAJ KAR RAKHA HAI?" Hardik was not.

"Bro, keep it down," Yuzi strolls over to where they were standing and places a hand over Hardik's shoulder. "What's up?"

"One day, the manager asked us to switch rooms with these two-"

"-they begged us to let them have the same room and Ishan mister-who-thinks-we've-nothing-better-to-do is now asking us to shift again." Hardik finishes the sentence with a dramatic flourish of his hand.

"In a room away from Shubman?" Yuzi looks incredulous, "Why?"

Ishan gives the excuse he'd prepared, "I move a lot in the night so it disturbs his sleep," he ignores Shreyas' vigourous nod, "And messes with his game."

"Just tell him not to be a baby. Or does he need someone to sing him a lullaby as well?" Yuzi says and shares a high five with Hardik.

Ishan just goes back to his room, defeated. Ok, this was going to be really awkward. Trapped in the same room with him, what could be worse?

He sighs and gets into bed. He was tired. If sleep didn't come now, he was literally going to die from exhaustion.

--------

Ishan can tell Shubman is trying to be quiet, when he enters their room in the middle of the night. He buries himself deeper into his blankets, his face heating up with the thought of sleeping next to him.

Wait. Was he even going to get into the same bed as him? An ache spreads in his chest at the possibility that he wasn't going to.

Footsteps to the bathroom. Pause. Footsteps toward the bedroom. Long pause. The sound of the other bed spring being pushed down by a body.

Ishan swallows his disappointment. He squeezes his eyes shut and tells himself that it was better now that Shubman was drawing lines.

"Hey," Shubman's soft voice reaches Ishan after a few minutes. It was hesitating and nervous and Ishan knew that he was going to apologise. A hope flutters in his heart but it is immediately shot down by logic. He could see clearly now.

"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that." Shubman's voice is filled with sincerity and Ishan knows he means it.

"Does that mean you believe me, now?"

"Yes," Shubman says, his voice earnest. "I was just... not thinking earlier. I'm sorry."

Ishan immediately forgives him. It wasn't even about what he had said, he knew there were flaws to Shubman. Just like the many he himself had; he was never straightforward, had an intense need to be liked and he also let knives loose from his tongue when something hurt him. Shubman was unideal, just like every human. Didn't make him any less adorable to Ishan.

But he didn't think they could be together.

"Ishu. What are we now?" Shubman's voice is thick and unsure.

"Friends," Ishan says slowly, knowing that he was lying. All these feelings he had for Shubman didn't spell friends.

But what Ishan was most scared of was losing Shubman as a friend. These past few hours of unsurety of being apart sealed something for him.

He wasn't sure why Shubman kissed him, touched him, seared his skin with his words. He said he was f**king crazy for him, but did that mean just his body? Or the whole him?

He was too scared to find out. If the answer was no, he simply couldn't bear it.

"Friends. Is it because of earlier?" Shubman's voice turns slightly desperate.

"No. I forgive you. I think we should date other people, you know? Get comfortable with our sexuality." God, he was such a liar, he didn't think he could ever date someone again, not unless they had his exact dimples.

And his voice. And his sense of humor. And the rest of him.

Again, with that damned pause.

"You're right."

--------

The next morning, Ishan's looking for a movie where the mind doesn't have to think.

Shubman had just come out of the shower and was smelling like perfect soap slash heaven and Ishan was desperately trying not to look at him or else all that friendship crap might go down the drain.

"I need a movie with eye candy," he complains as he flips through the channels, "Not all these deep ones. I don't want to get emotionally invested, I'm already drained."

"How about me? I'm eye candy enough," Shubman smiles and Ishan knows he's joking. Treading the ground lightly, trying to make their awkward friends to lovers to friends situation better.

But he wasn't helping with that sexy smile.

No no no. A normal smile. A below average smile, Ishan tries to convince himself.

He tries to look away before his eyes glide down his face. He was wearing just a towel. Oh god, his pectoral muscles were unreal. And why was his torso so defined with muscles?

"Well, I'm enjoying the view," Ishan answers as a joke, but it doesn't come across as one. He looks back at Shubman and his throat dries, now that he knew how they felt under his hands, tightening under his touch...

Shubman coughs and blushes and Ishan realizes that he hadn't looked away from him for half a minute.

This 'friends' thing was going to be harder than he had thought.