my therapist told me to write a list of any upcoming lover's red flags. so here's his:
he enters and exits girls lives like its a promise; an unspoken agreement. but i know his type. they're always the toxic bitches as he argues his side. he wonders why he always picks girls younger than him. maybe, it's the control dynamic. maybe, its easier to escape with no scrapes.
he can't do no wrong but he's got problems tattooed against his skin. he just got out of prison. constantly lookin' behind him.
he's got a cross on his neck, but spends sunday's on the run. always promising he is clean but the drugs are peeking out of his pocket at me; begging for some fun. wanting to get loose and on the hunt. the chase, the adrenaline. that's all he wants.
a consistent reel of the same man in different bodies
and i pick them out one by one.
how far can i push him?
how far will he run back
begging for scraps.
it's the same old story, told too many times.
and, i am getting better at noticing it
controlling it
the puppetmaster who's breathing in masochism,
exhaling pinky promises
pretty please,
will you love me until forever runs out?
i will never wave the white flag;
even with scars on my face from past mistaken fights.
even when the boy i love tells me to go.
to never come back.
even when i am killing myself over a man.
can't he do the same? can't he keep his eyes facing me
even when i am telling him to leave?
can he give me a reprieve?
