new years eve and im stuck in the same headspace,
different place. miles from home, yet i can still
feel my blood run cold at the gunpowder lighting up the sky.
empty redbulls and nicotine
anything that will make me feel differently.
like a guy at this party, who i know wants to fuck me
probably in the bathroom, probably at his halfway house
and for once , i want better . not infidelity or powdered happiness
want the boy i love to be here when the clock strikes midnight.
empty hollers and cheers of restart, starting over again or not at all?
the lights are slowing, the memories fading
and i don't feel so guilty that i've wasted more time than spent with a purpose. i know what i need now
and it wasn't the guys who took me aside, promised me lies. offered me pills at the expense of my sanity
maybe, i'll help someone
my experience will reach their heart, their ears;
know that they're not so alone and i was once a teenage girl
sinking in my scars, screaming in the wind.
he left earlier today, telling a story of a future where we love eachother still; will you still love me when i'm in pain? when i don't get out of bed for days? time is slipping
and i don't know if we will stay the same.
