everyone i love is changing.
-and i can't slam the door hard enough to make them stay,
make them angry enough to at least have them yell
one last word. one last phrase. i hate you,
don't leave me.
the boy i loved is far away, on the beach somewhere
sand in his socks , hand holding blood money,
drug money, something that would even
send the liars running.
and his heart on a new beautiful blonde girl. giving her everything he never gave to me. i guess he got tired of my sea sunken eyes, and wanted the real thing.
my best friend since i was twelve
is in the hospital back in georgia.
she's having her first baby soon.
i won't be there.
no more valentines at school,
no more sliding notes in history class,
no more late nights calls on why she is the only thing
that keeps me from breaking. the only girl i've ever met
that understands what those men have taken from me.
we grew up, we grew out our hair
and i'm too far away to care.
my secret admirer is back in my hometown. he's from the blackberry fields of south carolina, but wanted the city life of Atlanta.
he raced through crowds of chaos to meet me there. took me to detox, brushed my hair,
grapsed every tear.
he left a week later, mouth heavy with bullet sliced words;
now he's in a cell. at a loss of himself and his shoelaces. and i don't know if i will ever be able to tell him what i needed to. send a letter with a kiss,
xo,
thankyou for seeing my detriment
and loving me regardless.
the rest of my friends are dying
still on pills
needles
sex
power
they shoot me words of trust.
but i know promises are just pretty,
not something well kept. so, i'll pray a little harder tonight.
put my hands up to god,
please, give me what they need to take.
please, do something about the hell
that is overtaking these bodies
for my own sake.
i'm growing up, growing out of my skin
relit, reborn, rebirth
can i handle it? can i take every hit?
