you were always looking for someone new,
somewhere further than i could give to you.
i am an abyss of hopefulness.
holding my hand out for you
tying your laces,
wiping your tears.
you were incapable
incapacitated, messed up off those little pills.
and i am in the mirror. i am the prettiest shade of blue you had ever touched. a van gogh , starry night mosaic of death. of what you did to me, what you will always continue to do in your heart. the heart that i saw, but could never reach. and it's an ugly thing trying to be better for you
clean, pure, happy.
uglier than i thought,
when realizing that i was more than enough.
that i carried our house of two until the grave.
you could never give me grace.
you could never grow up.
always wanted me to think the best of you,
even when you were killing me. you say you want me happy, even if i hate you. you're a liar that twists my own desperation into words that make you seem godly.
running from the truth, wanting what you can't have.
i wish you the best, but not with me. let me know when you find california, the beach. give me a ring when you're something anew. someone different, everchanging. you're lies make me sick to my knees. and i think im better off knowing what i need. and it was never you and your animalistic tendencies.
