Pat

Fresh Start

“Pat, what are you doing here? Did you change your mind?”

“I came for my things,”

“Fuck you,”

“How high are you?”

“No, it’s, hi, how are you?” I said laughing then I started crying. I went and sat down.

“Baby, don’t do this to yourself,”

“Are you here to tell me how to live my life or get your things?”

“I can’t stand to watch you-

“Did you ever love me Pat? Even for one moment in our life, did you ever love me?”

“I love you, I’ll love you till my last breath,”

“Then why are you making me suffer? Why are you making me hurt this much? I’m in so much pain Pat, my heart hurts so much that it gets hard to breathe sometimes. I want to end this pain but I can’t because my babies only have me in their lives.

I can’t believe I loved anyone this much to the point I want to give up on life because yet again I’m not enough for her. This is the last time I’m crying for you Pat, the last time I’m loving you this hard. What’s the use of loving anyone with all of your heart only for them to keep breaking it?”

“It’s not my intention to hurt you,”

“Then why the fuck are you leaving me? Think about me and what I’m going through. What the fuck am I supposed to tell Joey and Tariq when you stop coming around? How the fuck do you expect me to live without you while still loving you this much,” she didn’t say anything, she just left. She never came back after that.

The night her flight was to leave I got a call from Max but I didn’t want to talk to anyone so I put my phone on silent. She sent me a text later in the night and told me that Pat had safely gotten to the airport and they saw her off. I didn’t want to hear it but a part of me was glad she was okay.

I smoked the night away. I wasn’t getting high enough to forget about her and the pain in my heart. I did end up blacking out sometime in the night.

When I came to, my head was heavy and my eyes were swollen from all the crying. I almost tripped on a body on my way to the kitchen and I let out a yelp.

Maybe I killed someone in my state of highness but who? I couldn’t remember letting anyone in the whole night. The body was covered from head to toe so I couldn’t tell who it was. “Maybe I’m finally going crazy from smoking all that weed,” I said to myself and laughed out loud.

I almost ran out of the house when I heard a light cough coming from the body. I turned it around, the clothes were still damp, and I saw it was Pat. “I’m really losing it,” I said out loud.

“Losing what?”I got startled and fell back on the chair.

“Pat? Is that you or am I going crazy?”

“It’s me,”

“I thought you left last night,”

“I was about to but then I realised I left something very important to me, something I can’t live without,”

“If you left it here, get it and leave already. But you should change clothes before you go. You’ll catch a cold in those wet clothes,”

I went to the kitchen and she went upstairs. I found myself fixing her something to eat even though I didn’t want to.

“That’s smells amazing,” she said coming in to the kitchen. She had already changed into warm clothes, “I’m so hungry,”

“Sit,” I said without looking up. I served up two plates and we ate in silence. Pat always ate faster than I did and when she was through she sat there looking at me as I ate. “What the fuck are you looking at?”