Shape of you (Ed Sheeran x Patrick Stump)

The beginning

Patrick Martin Stump POV:

Of three things, I was absolutely certain. One, Ed was a ginger. Two, part of him, and I don't know how potent that part of him may be, wanted to steal my soul. And three, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I walk into the studio to see Ed making out with my microphone. Poor baby. Well he has the real thing now. I take the microphone out of his hand and immediately shove my tongue in his mouth. My sweet sweet Eddie boy. My little soul-stealing ginger twink. Luckily for us, the studio is soundproof. But I think we'll leave the recording on for now. He yanks away dropping to his knees. Looks like he wants to try and suck my soul out of me again. I tell my sweet little cuck that now isn't the time. His surgery is soon. He doesn't trust doctors, so I'm doing it. I don't really know what I'm doing, but if he starts to bleed out, I can just lap up the blood like a horny little chihuahua in the middle of summer.
I carry my little gay boy bridal style to my ironing board turned makeshift gurney. Suddenly, out of nowhere, petey boy comes to steal some tongue on tongue action before I perform the surgery. Petey lew kingy wentz is my assistant for the surgery. He'll hand me my bagel when I get the munchies, so I don't accidentally munch my baby-boy-malewife-certified-twink's little tiny itty-bitty testicular glands instead. When I mentioned this to my buba, he whined and complained. He threw an adult tantrum even. He thought it would be hot if I nibbled on his self proclaimed 'princey parts'.

Honestly, I forget what surgery I'm performing, so, I'm just gonna slice open his abdomen and stab around until his erectile dysfunction is fixed. He's gonna be awake, so hopefully he'll tell me what feels nice. I also don't have a scalpel, or any kind if knife for that matter.... huh... well, I have a plastic fork. That'll do I guess. I begin to strap him to my ironing board with mine, his, and Peter's belts. I then bring the fork down with the power of my Edward Sheehan's red-headed puberty. That shit was so strong. My poor baby's esophagus exploded during his puberts. He needed a transplant. And that's the true story of what happened to Taylor Hawkins. His esophy-gophy is in my boo-boo bear.

Uh oh

That's a lot of blood

Time for horny chihuahua mode.

*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick* Oh no. Billie-scat-kink-piss-kink-vore-kink-Joe is here. Hide ya genitalia!

Gerry, Mik, Mondy and Franny are here too. They smelled the blood. Vampy boiis. They looking for a snacc. Back off leechs. The power of christ compels you. Eddy is my snacc. NO YOU CANT HAVE MY BAGEL EITHERRRRRRR I WILL EUTHANIZE YOU WITH GARLICCC.

Oooh smexy dead vampy. BRB cutey bubay. Gotta go lick lick my cutie Italians. And that other one. No no, don't be jelly buba. You're still my #1 cutey hotty male wife, ex-principal turned president of my hoa. I'll only ever trim my bushes for you babyboy, promise. The diploma you gave me sealed our souls together.

Yum. Anywmho back to the surgery. My sexxy baby is unconscious. Fuck. I didn't horn-dog fast enough. The blood stained my illegal Persian carpet. Fuck. He's getting punished for this. Imma beat his cute little carrot ass for bleeding on my rug. And Peter! USE THE GODDAMN BAGEL TO STOP THE BLEEDING BITCH!

My baby boy better sue Pete for medical malpractice, cause God damnnit, the bitch got blood on my bagel, but didn't even stop the bleeding. FUCK! now I've got the munchies... that weed is strong. Awe... my baby is a demonic Cat pig hybrid. Mhh... I'm not a zoophille, but damn, fentynal weed is some good stuff. Ooh and now he's a leprechaun! I love small gingers. IS THAT THE BERRIES AND CREAM DANCE?!  Ooh smexy bubba hotty hotty leprechaun, with his massive elephant coc- God damn it Peter! Get the bagel off your dick, I was still gonna eat that! No, I will not eat it off your peepee. That's vile. You're not a straw! Oh God damn it fine! Suckle suckle, now give me my bagel back.

I nibble my bagel off his little teenie tinie weenie. Now that thing thing may be 94 inches long, but mine is 1200038374920 feet, so yeah, he's tint.

Oh shit Eddie weddie leprechaun baby boy uwu bean is still bleeding on my rug. You bitch! Bad boy. Punishment corner. Sit on your massive dragon cock dildo and think about what you've done! What do you mean you're tied down?! You're dancing! Fine, be a bitch. No blowey woweys fow a week. Only nibbles. I will bite your little thingy and shove a whipped cream nozzle into your bladder. Get you a uti. Sexy little std.

I take a large bite out of his uwu testes. Mmm salty. Like McDonalds water. Oh shit. No pulse. Oh well, that'd sexy. He's still warm, so.....

As I piston in and out of his rapidly cooling asshole, Joe muthafuckin' Rogan walks in. That bitch. He's such a homophobe. He's all like "What are you doing" and "Stop fucking that corpse" like fuck off its what he would've wanted. Andy boy Tate is OK with it, so just let me be. Fuck don't call the cops!!! Noooo! They'd take my uwu corpsey baby. He's much hotter like this. He doesn't even complain. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo