The Pompous and The Prick

Chapter 18: Mindfvck

Spoilers: S2E6 Oops

S2E7 Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-season Special

(Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. Therefore, I cannot accurately write sound therapeutic advice. To be fair, I don't know if this person would give very sound therapeutic advice. Point is, don't take fanfic therapists seriously.)

"W-w-why don't you start by telling me what stressed yoo-ou out this week?" The Robo Fizzarolli asked, pushing up his glasses. He wore a jester costume, but in calming pastel colors. He looked to have big, custom made stylish boots, that other Fizzie's didn't typically have. His joints sparked a little when he moved and as he held a clipboard and a pen, he sat looking generally empathetic, yet also smug.

Stolas was sitting in the robo therapist's office on a long couch in his romper. Light streamed in between the blinds over the window. A clock ticked by quietly, and a side table held a box of tissues, looming with an ominous aura, as though it were telling you that tears were inevitable and mocking you for even trying not to cry. Across from him in another chair was his therapist, a Mammon sponsored, Asmodeus made, therapy fizzie doll. He couldn't help but wonder if this one were also made with s*xual pleasure features but he had thought it inappropriate to ask. This would probably make his 6th session with his mechanical therapist, or perhaps his 7th, and he thought he had gotten used to the idea of being helped through difficult emotions by a thing that he wasn't sure had any. But today as he sat upright on the couch designed for lounging upon, he couldn't help himself from avoiding the robo therapist's gaze.

"Um, well, I ran into Mr. B yesterday." Stolas replied with his eyes fixed to the floor.

Though he knew very well that a Therapist Fizzie™ couldn't break the doctor patient confidentially agreement without risking being decommissioned, he had decided not to tell him Blitz's name. Stolas didn't know why, but he understood that Blitz had gotten into a rather destructive fight with the robo fizzie at Loo Loo Land that resulted in it's demise. And that the true Fizzarolli had up until recently been sworn enemies with Blitz. Both the reason for the hatred of each other and the reason for their making up Stolas didn't know. He had been surprised to see Blitz with Fizzarolli in the broadcast of Mammon's 10th annual contest, but didn't know where they stood with each other until the fateful date set up. At which point he could only surmise that they had made up. Just another example of the secrets in Blitz's life that he would never be allowed to know about.

Given all this limited information, he didn't know if the robo fizzie at Loo Loo Land had a grudge of his own or had been simulating the real Fizzarolli's feelings towards Blitz, and if he was, if it would have been updated when the real imp's feelings changed. All this to say that he figured it'd be the safest bet to not reveal Blitz's identity in his conversations with his therapist.

"OooOOooh! Mr. B? Mr. Butt F**ked Bad in Bed B*tchless Backalley Bum. How did that go?" The mock jester asked.

Stolas sat silent as he considered that the robot may have figured out who he had been talking about on his own.

". . . Given that this is the first time you haven't immediately told me to p*ss off for insulting him, I'm going to guess not well." He scribbled something on his clipboard.

Stolas sighed, "Well, I would ask you to not, only. . . I'm afraid I called him much worse."

"Finally, gi-iv-ving Mr. B*tch what for huh? 'Bout time! Now, what's the tea, sis?" He clicked his pen twice and sat listening.

The previous events of the day were laid out by Stolas, with only small interruptions from Therapist Fizzie®, mostly noises of agreement and sarcastic comments. He may be designed to be a therapist but he was still modeled after a certain someone. By the end of the story, Stolas had given into the tissue box and sobbed into a Kleenex. "And I just don't know what to do anymore! Because no matter what I try to do or say to anyone, I end up making things so much worse! The stress keeps growing bigger and bigger and bigger, and I just can't keep up!" he blew his beak into a Kleenex and continued, "It's not just that Blitz's insults had cut me deeper than all of Stella's words combined. It's not just that the divorce proceedings were arduous and clearly being drawn out by Andrealphus. It's not just that my well meaning daughter is getting even more caught up in all my messes. On top of it all, this morning, I got a notification from a news app of a scandal with a familiar name in the headline. I opened it up to see a photo of Bli- Mr. B and that Fizzarolli, the- um, original who I mentioned had been our waiter on the surprise date? They were caught in a passionate embrace, kissing outside of a bar. I mean," he laughed through his tears, "no wonder he had been so adamant to him that he would never date me; he had already moved on. He didn't want his new lover thinking that I would get in their way."