planetary

mercury

M E R C U R Y

☼



I know the further I go

The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed

And somehow I've fallen in love

With this middle ground at the

Cost of my soul

☼

Mercury: The Planet of Communication

Mercury, much like the winged messenger of the gods, comes in on feather-light wings and commands us to speak. Communication, intellect, and awareness are all within Mercury's domain, as are logic and reasoning, our manner of thinking, and how we create and express our thought processes.

reasoning ~ communication

The plan didn't go through though, as Taehyung waits for Jungkook to return from the toilet, already sitting in the bed, he slowly comes back down from the high, and an angsty, ugly feeling unwinds inside of him, making it hard for him to ignore it. It weighs down on his chest, and the hunger he's previously had goes away, dissolving into a quiet sadness. He tries to rapidly push it away, but it stays.

Why pretend to be ok when he is not? Jungkook makes him happy, Jungkook is his person, but Taehyung isn't alright, he shouldn't pretend he is. He suddenly feels his cheeks burn as the blood goes to his head, anxiety making it more difficult to breathe. He isn't okay, he is sad and he can't pretend everything is perfect, not anymore.

He knows this is an important year for him, Jungkook, and the team. He knows they need to pull their shit together, but there must be a way of doing things differently. He cannot do it like this, and most definitely, he cannot do it alone, not without Jungkook.

That's one thing Taehyung has learned through the experience of being with Jungkook. He doesn't like to appear vulnerable, and he doesn't like to admit to his sadness out loud, but Jungkook had taught him differently, easing him up into starting to let go through communication.

It was a long process, and Taehyung is still working on it himself, but he knows Jungkook wants him to tell him if something is wrong. Sometimes Jungkook does notice he isn't feeling good, and some other times he might not, as Taehyung hides his feelings well. As Jungkook has told him in the past, as much as he would love to know whenever there was something bothering him, he couldn't tell all the time. And Taehyung should stop expecting him to, because it is unhealthy, and creates unwanted tension.

Taehyung is aware of that, now, more than ever, that he needs to tell Jungkook, but it still took him months to reach this point, where he can't go on anymore without being completely honest with him. Jungkook cares, and Taehyung should not deny him the chance to listen and understand.

When Jungkook comes back from the bathroom, he takes a look at Taehyung and instinctively knows something isn't right, so he runs to grab the bathrobe that was messily thrown on the desk chair and puts it over Taehyung's shoulders, covering him with it. He crunches down beside him, gently taking his chin between his fingers, creating eye contact.

There is a frown on his forehead, he is confused, everything has been alright just seconds ago. Taehyung doesn't want to ruin their evening. "What happened, Tae? What's wrong?"

His frown is confused more than anything, and Taehyung wants to run away.

He doesn't. He takes a deep breath instead and looks at Jungkook. "I can't hide anymore, baby, I think... I've reached my limits."