planetary

jupiter

J U P I T E R

☼



Make my messes matter

Make this chaos count

Let every little fracture in me

Shatter out loud

☼

Jupiter: The Planet of Luck

Jupiter is the thinking person's planet. As the guardian of the abstract mind, this planet rules higher learning and bestows upon us a yen for exploring ideas, both intellectually and spiritually. Jupiter compels us to assess our ethical and moral values; it also addresses our sense of optimism.

hopefulness

Taehyung is scared. This is the moment it all might end, and he cannot accept it, as a feeling of desperation starts to creep on his skin, turning his stomach upside down, it could all be ended, right now, in a second.

But then his eyes lock with Jungkook's and there is one thing he spots in them. It's... calmness. Jungkook's eyes are kind, calm, and even endearing.

Taehyung's heart skips a beat.

"I don't... I don't get it." Jungkook speaks first, eventually. He is confused, Taehyung can't tell, but he also looks free. There is no frown between his eyebrows, instead, his eyes are shining brighter.

Taehyung expected a storm to unfold right before his eyes, a storm between them too, a windy, ocean storm, with angry, overwhelming waves. Instead, the storm has been replaced by a quiet, calming tide of mysterious feelings. Maybe it is the happiness that comes with no burden, a happiness that they haven't allowed themselves to feel until now.

Maybe this is the answer, and it has been from the beginning. And maybe... telling the truth is the right thing to do right now, as both appear to be ready to do it.

He doesn't know what to say. Perhaps looking into Jungkook's eyes will help. And so he does, and his heart is yet again filled with that feeling.

"It is over... then? Are we... free? Was all of this, for nothing? All of our worries and...-"

Jungkook gets closer to him, leaning against his side of the bed. "No. No, don't say it was for nothing, Tae. We were scared our relationship was going to affect the team, and... I think our feelings were valid, we couldn't have known the outcome..."

Taehyung allows Jungkook to continue as his eyes just watch him, eyes serious but innocent. Taehyung gets lost in them. "And it still might affect the team. If Yoongi comes to terms with it and somehow... forgives us for lying to him, it doesn't mean the others will like it. We need to prepare... mentally at least, for that too."

"But we... shouldn't hide anymore, the damage is done already and..."

"And we need to look at it with a different perspective, we should stop fearing it and just go ahead with it."

Completing each other's sentences, they share smiles as the words are being formed on their lips. Taehyung now knows. They are on the same page, they feel the same emotions, and they look in the same direction.

Taehyung was wrong thinking the moment the truth was out and about would cause an argument between him and Jungkook. He feared something that wasn't going to happen, because he and Jungkook, wanted the same thing. To be happy together. Taehyung was aware of that yet he managed to misinterpret what was going to happen.

Jungkook leans closer and takes Taehyung's hand into his, gingerly caressing it.

"Taehyung, you scared the shit out of me tonight. I had no idea this was fucking up with you so badly. I know I promised you we would come clean and I was already thinking of a couple of scenarios, I would never just sit and watch you suffer. I'm sorry."

Taehyung accepts Jungkook's words and sees through the sincerity in his eyes. Jungkook continues. "I did suffer too, but I don't want to change the past. These two years with you have been the happiest years of my life, and even though it's been hard... It has also been fun, there are so many precious memories that we've created, and I didn't mind being in full control of our relationship, just the two of us. People talk, you know? But this... experience... offered us the chance to grow in this relationship together without giving others a chance to comment on it. It's been just the two of us and-

"And we managed to have a relationship without letting others intervene. It's been just us two, it gave us a chance to solve whatever issue we have had... between us two..."

"Exactly, it's about perspective, I guess. Instead of regretting it, let's just move forward, let's find a way to tell our friends the truth, and.. let's just focus on us. And I..." His eyes are glistening a bit, and Taehyung wouldn't want Jungkook to be sad about it, yet, he too has the right to feel emotional and give himself a reason to work on himself, like he plans to do with himself too.

"I am sorry I hurt you, Taehyung, I love you, please, don't hold back on telling me about your true, hidden feelings. I will wait for you to be ready to talk, and when it's time, I'll be here, I'll listen, and we will experience it together, because you are not alone, and I will never let you be alone. Okay?'

"I love you too." Taehyung feels a tear running down his cheek, but this time, he is happy.

☼

Luck comes in many forms in one's life, and it brings hope. Taehyung will always call himself happy. He doesn't know whether he has chosen it, but he feels lucky.

Lucky because he has Jungkook.

Lucky because he has such an amazing friend like Yoongi.

Lucky because he's part of the best volleyball team and... Lucky because he is who he is.

He might have a long journey until he reaches the point in life where he will manage to accept everything as it is. Maybe, he will never be fully satisfied, but he has started walking in the right direction. Now he has learned some more about himself, Taehyung plans to move forward, with less suffering and Jungkook by his side.

It is liberating, Taehyung is finally freeing himself, getting out of the cold, locked room he's been trapped into, and now, that he is outside, he realizes the sun is shining bright on his sky.

His day is full of hope.

☼

Notes:
when you feel like there's nothing left for you, always remember that you are allowed to dream & hope.