Letters: A Tokka Fanfic

7

Toph's P.O.V:

It was hard for things to feel normal. I hadn't really expected anything when Sokka said he would do whatever it took for me to forgive him, but I'd agreed despite myself out of a foolish hope that things would go back to how they were before. I knew it probably wouldn't even take much for me to forgive him, but I wasn't about to tell him that. It hurt so much not having him in my life, but now it hurt to have him back in it too. He'd spent the last week at my beck and call, and as nice as it was to never have to get anything for myself and to have a constant sparring partner, it felt too easy. I had told myself he was gone for good. I had learned how to live with that hole in my life. And now he was here like none of that ever happened. It made it hard to remember that things were different now. The constant guilt I could sense from him reminded me though. As did seeing Satoru. He'd got into the habit of stopping by whenever he had time off work, but I always asked to go somewhere else. I don't know why I felt like I had to hide Sokka from him, or maybe hide him from Sokka, but I didn't like the idea of the two being around each other. I had sworn Katara to secrecy regarding my engagement until the official announcement. Realistically, I knew that Sokka would be happy for me, but maybe that was what I was afraid of.

"Toph? Is everything okay?" I pulled myself out of my thoughts and tried to focus on Satoru. He'd been nothing but polite and sweet; he deserved better than my distraction.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought. What were you saying?" He seemed to relax from across the table, and I shoved all thoughts of Sokka to the back of my mind. Satoru is a good man. I just need to give him a chance.

"I just asked if the food was alright?" He took a bite of his own meal, and I realized I had hardly touched my own. I ate a rather large forkful before responding, wanting more time to clear my head, and wanting to reassure him.

"It's wonderful. Thank you again for taking me to dinner. The restaurant seems lovely." I cringed a little at how stiff I sounded, but thankfully he didn't seem to notice or mind. I always seemed to slip back into "proper" Toph with him. I wasn't trying to, but it was always hard to think of interesting things to say.

"I'm glad you like it. It's relatively new, but I had heard it was amazing and wanted to try it with you." I smiled politely as I continued to eat, hoping it seemed natural. He seemed to falter for a second, before making another attempt at conversation.

"Have you enjoyed seeing your friends? They've been here for over a week now, but you haven't talked much about them." I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat before answering, my attempts at forgetting about everything seeming useless now.

"It's been nice having Katara around. I hadn't seen her in a long time, though we'd exchanged letters regularly. She's been like a sister to me since the war ended, so it's been hard to go so long without her." I tried to give him a truthful answer, though I avoided mentioning Sokka. I was trying to make an effort with him, even though it was hard. I don't really talk about feelings with most people, only my mom, Iroh, and Katara usually. Sometimes Zuko or Aang, but never anyone else. I used to talk to Sokka about those things, but it was still too weird now. It wasn't much, but I wanted Satoru to see that I was trying.

"I can imagine that would be difficult given how much time you spent with all of them during your travels... She's here with her brother, right? Sokka?" He was nervous as he asked about Sokka, and immediately I felt guilty for being so avoidant.

"Yes. It's good to see him as well, though we hadn't really kept in touch like I did with Katara." He relaxed again, and I could hear him smiling as he spoke.

"I see. You must have a lot of catching up to do then. Will the rest of Team Avatar be coming in time for the party?" We'd agreed to announce our engagement at my birthday party, mostly my idea since I didn't want to have to deal with two parties.

"Katara said Aang is going to try to get here, but he probably will only be able to stay for the day. Zuko said they could manage a couple days without him, so he'll arrive a day or two early, I think."

"I'm glad they'll all be here for you. You always seem so much more at ease with them around. Even just talking about them put a smile on your face for the first time tonight." His voice was laced with something I knew all too well. The bittersweet edge reminded me of myself and I hated it.

"They're my family. They were the first people that took the time to get to know the real me, and they actually liked it. We haven't all been together in a long time. Since before I got here, actually." I'm not sure why I felt like I needed to explain myself. My thoughts and feelings are my own and I don't owe them to anyone else. But still... he deserves at least that much, right?

"I understand. I'm sure it was difficult to be without them for so long. Hopefully, one day, I can be a part of your family too." I just smiled back at him. I didn't really like the idea of him butting into my family like that, but I knew he didn't mean any harm. Team Avatar was my own space. I didn't really want to have to share everything with Satoru even if we were engaged, but I couldn't bear to be rude to him hearing how hopeful he sounded. I knew that he loved me, and he knew I didn't love him. There's no point rubbing it in.

The rest of dinner was filled with polite small talk and silence. Satoru made an effort to make me comfortable, but there's only so much he could do. When we arrived back at my place, he hesitated by the walkway before leaning in to kiss my cheek. Normally, anyone who tried that would take a rock to the gut, but seeing as we're supposed to be engaged, I guess I'll have to get used to at least this much.

Inside, Katara was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in hand as she read something or other. She looked up when I came in, and patted the seat beside her.

"How was dinner?" I plopped down on the couch and kicked off my soleless shoes, the string around my big toe starting to itch.

"It was... pleasant. Where's Sokka?" I knew she wanted more information, but I wasn't ready for everyone in this house to know.

"Upstairs. He had some official letters to answer or something." She took a sip of tea, and I could feel her eyes burning into my skull.

"Stop that."

"What?" She scoffed defensively and I tried to glare at her.

"You're staring. I can feel it."

"Well it's been over a week already and you haven't told me anything! I rushed over here when I got your letter but so far you've been avoiding the whole topic!" I sighed, undoing my hair and leaning back. I knew this was coming, but she was right; I had been avoiding it.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Did you know it was gonna be Satoru? What made you agree to this? Are you sure this is what you want? Did your parents push you? Should I talk to them? I can talk to them. Is he nice? Do you like him? Where'd you go to dinner? Has he kissed you? What do you guys talk about? When can I meet him, like, officially? Are you guys gonna have a party to announce it? What about—"

"Katara! One at a time!" She stopped short, and paused a second before deciding.

"Are you happy?" I hesitated before answering her. It just wasn't that simple.

"Satoru's a good guy. He really cares for me, ya know? He's the right choice."

"Toph... I asked if you're happy." Her voice was quiet and gentle in a way only Katara could manage, and it made it hard to lie to her. She knew it too; that's why she did it.

"I... I don't know, but I'm sure I will be. Why wouldn't I be, right?" I chuckled nervously, ready for the conversation to be over. "Anyways, you would've loved the restaurant we went to. It was super fancy." I heard her scoff and I could only guess her face was scrunched up.

"No wonder you're all dressed up. I thought you hated stuffy places like that."

"I don't know what you mean. I'm the epitome of grace and class." She snorted, nearly spitting out a bit of her tea in the process. "It's a new place. Satoru wanted to check it out together."

"Next time you should pick the place."

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