Letters: A Tokka Fanfic

12

I'd already forgiven him for disappearing. I think I'd forgiven him as soon as he brought me my favorite tea without my having to tell him. The more time passed, the more I realized that he never stopped caring. He knew about my life through my letters to Katara and had remembered all of the things I said I liked even in passing. We fell into a routine so swiftly that I hadn't even noticed until he wasn't there. I was always aware of him. I was always so conscious of where he was and what he did- I always had been. So when he came out with my tea as usual I knew he was there. Then, suddenly, he wasn't. Nothing had changed in the time they'd been here. Every morning I woke up to train, Sokka came out with my tea, and he sat to watch me practice. When I was done, we went inside, and he made us breakfast to eat at the table before going on with our day. Every day. To be honest, I shocked myself a little with my reaction. Rather than be upset that he was gone or worried that he'd given up, I was scared. I couldn't imagine him disappearing unless something was wrong. So I went inside and did what he did for me every morning- I waited. If he had really learned from this time together and something really was wrong, he would come talk to me. If he didn't come down, then maybe the whole time was just for show. At least, that was how I tried to reason with myself.

"Where'd you go?" He was quiet when he came to the kitchen.

"I was laying down." He muttered.

"You still made my tea."

"I made it first then went back up to lay down." Something was definitely wrong. I tried to be angry that he wouldn't talk to me, but instead I only felt disappointed.

"Thank you." My voice was quiet. At least he was still showing he cared, but if he couldn't trust me enough to tell me what was wrong he would just end up disappearing on me all over again.

When he finally spoke again, my heart stilled. He finally said exactly what I'd been dreading. It was cushioned in what sounded like care for me, but the gist was the same- he supported my relationship with Satoru. With all the huffing and puffing last night I had unknowingly gotten my hopes up, but he never cared about me seeing someone. He was upset that he had been wrong about me, not that I was with Satoru. I knew that already, so why did it still hurt?

I thanked him before finishing the food quickly. I needed to be somewhere that wasn't with him. I needed space and time to try to pretend he wasn't happy for me—or at least the space to be upset alone. I didn't want him to see that I was disappointed. He said nothing as I got up and I tried to stay silent as I made my way to my room. Tears burned my eyes and I fought to keep them from pouring out before I was behind closed doors. I failed.

"Toph?" I forgot Katara was upstairs. "What happened?" concern laced her voice but I couldn't answer. Instead, I let her guide me into her room and sit me on the bed, swiping furiously at the tears that were falling. She waited patiently for me to calm down, tracing soothing circles on my back in silence.

"Can you tell me what's going on now?" I sniffed slightly, my eyes finally drying.

"I knew it. I really did. I tried to not know but I knew."

"You knew what, Toph?"

"He doesn't care. He's happy that I'm with someone. It means nothing to him."

"Did he say that?"

"Basically." She hummed in response, giving me a squeeze before releasing me.

"Well, he's an idiot. And don't you have a smarter guy waiting for you right now?" I gave her a watery smile as she got up to pick out my outfit for me. She was right, I had agreed to meet Satoru early today since Zuko was coming in tonight and we wouldn't have time to meet for dinner. He had wanted to be there to greet him, but I convinced him to wait until the announcement.

"Where are you going this time?" Katara asked over her shoulder as she rummaged through my wardrobe.

"To the park. It was my turn to pick and I wanted some earth under me. We agreed to have a picnic for lunch." She tossed some clothes my way and I changed quickly before she began to play with my hair. It was soothing, and I'd grown to like her fussing since she came.

"That will be nice. You have to tell me all about it later, ok?" I nodded in agreement, gaining myself a gentle tug on my hair since she was still holding it. I was feeling ever so slightly less crappy now thanks to her. Maybe this would be ok. Maybe I could be ok.