Barking Mad

Page 5

Over the next week I spent nearly all my time with my mates. The only time they weren't with me was when they were out on patrol. To lessen their worry I had promised that anytime they were on patrol I'd stay at the pack house where I would be safe. What had surprised me was that they had taken their mothers words to heart. Both of them were trying to spend some time each day human with me. Usually before bed. We'd curl up on their sofa together and watch some TV or a movie. Blake would actually talk with me and here and there Andrew would make a comment or ask a question. I could tell that he was just not as comfortable as a human. It meant a lot that he was trying.

After my second weekend I was drafted by the Luna to help her keep after the pack. Blake and Andrew weren't happy because that meant I was leaving the pack house but if they could they'd come along. If not they would keep their link to me open wide so they could check on me regularly. Packs were close knit. They were all very friendly and welcoming, to a point.

As time went on I could feel a slight gap between the pack and I. But I just couldn't figure out why. So I just kept moving forward and hoped it would resolve itself. Day by day, week by week, I moved forward. Blake had begun to help his brothers with pack duties, as a human. Andrew seemed more at ease as a human now but still didn't talk very much. After four months of moving through life I finally couldn't take it. Going to the Luna I had to ask about it. I found her in the living room sorting through some papers.

"Luna, can I talk to you a moment?"

"Sure Zane have a seat." I sat in the chair next to her. "What's is it I can help with?" She asks when I don't start talking.

"Uh, well, I'm not sure you've noticed but... there seems to be a divide of some kind between me and the pack. Have I done something? Or not done something?"

"I've noticed." Is all she says.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"They distrust you with Blake and Andrew. The boys are special to the pack, while you do very well most of the time. There are occasions when you are a little more 'master to the dogs' and less mates to two of my sons. Andrew doesn't care. Blake doesn't seem to." She finally looked up at me. "Personally, I think you are doing better then I thought you would."

"I... do I really seem like that?"

"Yes. It makes them, and I as well, worry how you'll act when you have pups, if they are less human and more puppy. This bothers me. I'll explain why. When my brother and I were young, not long after we became alpha's of the pack, we met a man, our mate, at a packs meet. He was sweet and charming and seemed to accept me as I was. He said he wanted to wait till we got home to claim. Then when we got home he claimed JJ and refused me. After some time of contention I, in my anger, left JJ and Thomas to their life here. I moved out and in with a pack member I took as a lover. More time passed and one day JJ calls me to the pack house. I go in and find JJ, sitting on the end of the bed where Thomas lay, dead." My jaw dropped.

"Oh god what happened?"

"He had found out a couple weeks before that he was pregnant. When he went back for the ultrasound he found out that he was giving birth to babies like me. Instead of working through it, he killed himself. I was upset in my way but I didn't morn him. JJ, mourned him deeply. The pack was very wary of Jason when we brought him home but he proved over and over that he accepted me then our children. They worry that the little bit that still thinks and talks to them like they are just dogs, will trump everything else. They don't want a repeat of Thomas. I don't want to see my sons suddenly faced with a mate that can't accept them anymore, can't accept children by them. At what point are you going to say you can't do it anymore. That you want fully human mates. You want a normal life." Well so much for having faith in me.