The Hospital Room (Cashley & Jindy)

Chapter 3

~Ashley's POV~

It was later on, in the middle of the night when I felt myself start to become jittery and hyper. I'd had the same song on repeat in my head for hours, just one line. They'll tell you I'm insane.

It was from that Taylor Swift song, Blank Space. I really liked that song but that line was great and I couldn't help but obsess over it. I'm insane, apparently. That's why I'm here.

I'm not allowed outside due to how... apparently dangerously bipolar I am. I don't think it was that bad, although I do suffer from ridiculous highs and lows occasionally. More often than not, I'm alright, in a sense.

But you know, that doesn't really matter. That was only one of the things wrong with me. Apparently I'm a fucked up good for nothing that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as my parents. Yeah, haha, real funny. Not.

My little sister was schiz... and I say was because my parents abandoned her. They left her all alone at a park far away from home because they didn't want to have to deal with her episodes. Her name was Delilah, bit of a strange girly name, I guess.

My parents had always wanted a daughter, one that was smart and cute. Or even just a normal child. But they weren't going to get that, it seemed that anything they re-produced came out more mentally fucked than the last one.

Yeah, yeah, I'm mentally fucked, I know. I don't need to be thrown in a hospital to prove it. It's obvious, and I can deal with it just fine.

But... then again, there's CC. He's worse than what my sister was... but, the thing is. There's something about him that makes me want to fix everything that's ever gone wrong in his life. I want him to feel like he is the world. Like he's the most important thing on the planet.

I think I like him, as more than just a friend, although we barely know each other. Barely any of us know each other. Jake's always sad and depressed about something, although I know that he can't help it...

CC... I already said about him, he's the world.

Andy, well... man that kids voice is deep as hell but he's so skinny. I find it ridiculous that he even managed to get to that size. He seemed like he'd be the one that would recover the fastest out of any of us. He seemed like the strongest, mentally anyways.

Jinxx... he was quiet, barely made a sound. I don't think he sleeps much either, he always seems to be awake. But still, he never speaks. If we try to talk to him he starts waving his hands around; sign language. I don't understand sign language though.

The doctor, ah fuck. Don't even get me started; he's a goddamn prick man. Nurses have come in occasionally, but they always looked so scared of us, like we're monsters.

I feel like a monster, my brain is eating my personality it seems... or maybe that's the pills. Whatever it is... I don't like it. I don't like it here. I hate myself.

My parents always blamed me, told me it was all my fault that I turned out like I have. Now... of course, many would tell me that I couldn't help it. But... it's been drilled into my fucked up head for so long that I've believed what my parents said. Every little thing, it's true. No matter what anyone says, they're just trying to make me feel better about the whole situation.

I felt so restless, my mind kept wandering and I could feel my hands shaking. I needed to do something, anything. I pushed myself out of the terrible hospital bed that had become my 'home' so to speak. I began to pace the hospital room, not caring if anyone heard or saw me.

I could feel my mood changing, I was becoming low again, but my breathing was erratic, along with my heartbeat. Oh no... not again... not again, this is bad...

I felt myself collapsing to the ground, shaking; I often experienced episodes like these due to my... condition. They're like panic attacks; they leave me exhausted, paralyzed wherever I first fall.

I held my hands over my head, struggling to breathe; I was a meter away from my hospital bed. A meter too far, I couldn't move. My chest hurt, it ached. I couldn't hear anything from around me, instead all I could hear were very loud screams. They made my ears hurt.

I must have alerted someone because I felt hands tugging at my body trying to move me. I don't know who it was though because my eyes were tightly closed and I was paralyzed, unable to move my arms from my head.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and suddenly, the screams stopped, well, most of them, I could still hear one person screaming. And that's when I realised it was me, I was screaming and I couldn't stop.

"Ashley! Ashley stop!" I could hear voices over the sound of my screaming, they wanted me to stop... I don't know who it was.

I think someone or some people had lifted me and moved me to something softer... the bed. It was the bed. They had moved me back to my bed. I could feel someone else's weight on the bed along with me.

My throat hurt, it burned. Felt like someone had burnt it with a blowtorch. But, I'd stopped screaming now and everything was silent in the room. All that could be heard was harsh breathing and I knew I'd woken everyone up.

"I'm sorry..." I found myself whispering, despite how much it hurt right then. I needed to apologise, it was the middle of the night and they'd been sleeping.

I guess I had PTSD as well, it wasn't bad, I don't think, but it certainly didn't help with my condition. The experience that caused me to be like this was just my childhood. My childhood had been full of screaming and broken shards of glass.

I heard someone begin to sing softly and I instantly recognised the voice as Andy's. He was singing... Riptide by Vance Joy, it was a calming song; I guess he figured I needed calming down, and I did.

Soon the whole room was silent again and I opened my eyes, my body wasn't paralyzed anymore. I could move, but I felt low, so low.

CC was sitting up in his bed, but he wasn't there really. He was talking to someone we couldn't see and he looked upset.

Jinxx was watching me with careful eyes, he seemed to be the smartest here, but he was also the most broken... I guess.

Jake wasn't even looking at anyone, he was just lying there, staring at the ceiling.

And then Andy was sat beside me, and only then did I realise he had his hand on my thigh, in a comforting way of course.

"Ashley, you should try to sleep now." Andy told me softly, making me lay down before he covered me with my sheets. I was too exhausted to protest.

So I got settled into the bed, listening to CC talking to whoever or whatever he could see, he seemed to sound happier now than before.

"Oh no, that's not how it goes." CC said and then there was silence before he began to speak again.

It was just random chatter; at least he wasn't seeing something that could hurt him, or scare him, making him hurt himself. I'd heard him talking of butterflies, telling me all about the insects that were flying around our hospital room.

But then again he'd also clung to me, terrified as spiders crawled all over the floor and up the walls. I'd had to assure him they weren't really there, that he was just seeing things. It was a hallucination.

I hadn't really talked to Jake all that much, he seemed okay though. He didn't tend to speak all that much, just listened to music on an iPod he'd been allowed to have.

Jinxx stayed silent. Always silent apart from those heart wrenching gasps for air that often woke me in the middle of the night. He cried so often, I felt bad for the poor boy.

Andy, I'd talked to him, he liked to talk. I figured he had Anorexia and ADHD. If there was anything else, I don't know, but I do know that he stays very close to Jinxx.

I found myself drifting off, soon my vision faded to black as I slept.

AN:// And here's a five page chapter (on word...) one less page than I would have liked, but I got something out, didn't I? It's coming up for the holidays so I should hopefully excel and get more chapters out for this and other works.

Thanks for reading!