scrambled

him again.

four. 

that's the amount of years i've been dealing with this crap.

the mental abuse,

the manipulation,

the arguing,

the endless tears,

the cuts,

the bottling up my feelings.

i am sick of it all.

why do i have to go?

" just playing it safe for the courts. "

playing it safe?

i have been playing it safe for four years.

why can't i have a stable family like rabbit or fox?

not the beast who i share a last name with.

not the struggle of being — years old when this all happened.

i remember the day like it was yesterday 

i won't go into depth though.

hearing the yells of my parents through the bathroom door.

i attempt to drown out the sound with my hands as tears flow.

i guess history repeats herself.

i hate you.

i hate being around you.

i hate all the things you say to me.

i hate when you talk about my family.

i hate when you compare me to the siblings i didn't even know i had.

i hate when you yell.

i hate when you drink.

i hate when you smoke.

i hate when you take away my stuff.

i hate when you don't let me do basic tasks.

i hate when you call me disrespectful.

i hate the way you make me feel little.

i hate the things you used to do to my mother.

i hate that you haven't signed the divorce papers yet.

i hate that you haven't given up on me yet.

i hate when you mess up my room and blame it on me.

i hate when you gaslight me.

i hate when you drop me off late on purpose.

i hate when you show up on time when picking me up.

i hate how i have some traits from you. negative traits.

i hate you.