scrambled

that night || pt. 2

now i began to write it, it sounds dumb. i act like a total baby. crying when people yell at me, completely shutting down.

•••

he walks out, leaving me sitting there, in shock. he's done multiple things in the past, but never to the point where i actually spoke up. when i'm around him, i feel small. he's been manipulative and narcissistic for years, and i never spoke up. when i do, he hurts me. not physically, like people think, but mentally. he knows my weak point. he knows what gets me angry. and when i do get upset, he acts innocent.

"hey, hey, why are you yelling?"

"i would never do that!"

yes you would. all because i don't have proof, no one believes me. only two people i tell, my mom and cousin. they know what to do.

and fox.

i trust her.

she's probably one of my best friends now.

i love her. (as a friend of course)

•••

moving on, i couldn't handle this anymore. i couldn't deal with him anymore. i grabbed my now-dirty phone and texted my mom. i won't go in detail, but she rushed to pick me up.

of course, he wouldn't just let me walk out. i had a plan. wait for him to leave the house or go outside, then i run.

i ran away.

he was out on the front porch and i escaped through the back. i saw the back of his body, and i froze. he didn't see me quite yet, but i was scared he would.

i didn't know what to do. retreat, or make a run for it? i stood there for a moment and that's when it happened. he turned around.

shit shit shit, what do i do?

i couldn't let the whole block see me cry, but i did. i haven't done that in years. i cry a ton, but infront of people? pathetic. it shows i'm weak, and weakness means people can't rely on me. and people have to rely on their friends, right? so if i cry, i won't have any friends. i rely on affection. i need constant reassurance. i don't want to seem annoying so i don't show it as much.

" what are you doing out here? get back inside, now.

he was on the phone at the time, so i used this to my advantage.

" i am leaving. you said if i wanted to stay at my moms house forever, and i said yes. so goodbye. "

i began to walk past him.

" ___, get back here! "

i turn around and i see his hand balled into a fist. what do i do?

i'm shaking now.

not of excitement like usual, i shake in fear.

he's going to hurt me.

unless i run.

i dash to my mother's car and slam the door.

i am silent.

and for the first time in years infront of my own mother.

i cry.